Sally's World

Do you know why we’re not valued? … I'm sick of this sort of thing happening!

When I got caught up in a fight about the education department's duty of care to my son earlier, they all looked shocked...why??? was it because I was eloquent and knew my rights??? they even asked me what I did, I said I was a full time mum..then someone (who is still living...just!) said "but you're not JUST a mum are you?" ermmm.... what???? JUST a mum!!!

Ah, children.

A woman knows all about her children. .........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Okay, so I was over at ‘who says 8 is enough’ (http://bouffard11.blogspot.com/2009/04/out-of-mouths-of-babes.html) earlier and her interview with her son was fantastic, it inspired me. I’ve been tagged on this one several times…so I got the kids to interview Deion on how he feels about me…(doing the sign of the cross and looking heavenwards as we speak) well, we were already on the subject or Deion embarassing me...so better to get it out of the way!!!

1. What is something mom always says to you?
“You can be anything you want to be” oh, and “do you need to do a poo before we go?”

2. What makes mom happy?
She likes cuddles and when I do well at school, she is very happy when someone wins a lot of money in deal or no deal.

3. What makes mom sad?
If we argue, if people drive like total idiots and if we fart or burp in a restaurant (making stabbing motions in my chest now)

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
By tickling, or pulling silly faces, or when she tells me something silly we saw in a film.

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I think she was very tidy and never answered her mum back, cos she tells us she would never have been able to get away with those things, and she always ate all her vegetables, even if she didn’t like them so she wasn’t ungrateful.

6. How old is your mom?
She’s 40 this year, but doesn’t want a party cos then she won’t be able to lie about her age.

7. How tall is your mom?
Very tall for a girl, but not as tall as dad.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
She likes going to the park and she reads a lot of books, she writes on the computer, her favorite thing is to go on holiday and swim in the sea.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
She drinks tea I think. (???)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
For writing a book and for killing plants. (huh?????)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Cooking, cleaning, shopping, making superhero costumes, and I think driving fast.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Football, basketball, cricket, baseball, running, jumping, riding a bike, hoola hoop, skipping, rugby, high jump, long jump, skateboarding ice skating, roller blading, she has a bad aim, netball, volley ball, tennis, badminton (I had to shut him up at this point, I was getting depressed)

13. What does your mom do for a job?
She sells t-shirts and helps children go to the dolphins, but I don’t think she gets paid for that, she looks after us all, and she cooks a lot, I think she gets paid by my dad.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Chocolate cake (oh yeah!!!)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Ermm, she lets my friends come round and gives us lots to eat.

16. if your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Mum would want to be wonder woman but I don’t think so. (thanks Dee)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
We go swimming, watch films, play computer, she takes me to the park and visiting, we have to go to the bank sometimes, and shopping, we go to a lot of appointments and have picnics in the waiting rooms so I don’t get bored or hungry.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We’re not really, she says I’m mad like dad!

19. How are you and your mom different?
She’s a girl silly, and, like, old! (thanks Dee)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
She tells me every day, and she didn’t come to school dressed like wonder woman when I asked her not to. She makes me my favorite food.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
She beats him at scrabble (okay, this one’s true)

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Bimini to swim with dolphins.

You may laugh...you think its easy...but its not...I set you a challenge!!! if you're nerves are up to it, ask your child and let us know what they say lol!

This is TOO funny not to share, some of you may have seen it before, I saw it for the first time today, and LMAO!!! A must watch for every mum...actually...show it to the kids too!


William Tell Overture for Moms @ Yahoo! Video

Can someone explain to me how this happens please….

There are five people living in this house, but surely it would take at least ten people to create this much ironing in the space of three days….I strongly suspect my children (especially my daughter) try on several outfits, leaving the discarded choices on the bedroom floor, when asked to tidy, they then place all items from floor, including clean, into laundry…its the only explanation.

Even more confusing, yesterday laundry baskets all completely empty, now today are overflowing, could not possible have worn ten outfits each overnight…

Perhaps it would not be so bad if my children (and by that I mean my husband too) think that the clothes didn’t magically appear in their closets all ironed and folded, maybe they think elves come in while we sleep and see to the piles of clothes left in heaps on the floor.

I'm sick of hearing "where's my pink jeans/blue shirt/black t-shirt e.t.c......?"

I'm sick of answering "where did you leave it?"

I'm sick of hearing "Dunno."

How can they not know....they leave it in the same place every time...THE BEDROOM FLOOR!!!

Do you look back and think about your pre child life?

I don’t ever remember a time when I wasn’t a mum, I know I had a whole life before, and I know it was full with family and work and socialising. But I can’t imagine what filled my heart and my time to the capacity that being a parent does.

So many times my mum used to say to me ‘when you’re a mum you’ll understand’ and I do. And I can’t remember myself before.

I can’t imagine waking up and my first thought being me, I can’t imagine going to bed without the kids to kiss goodnight.

Its incredible, and I often wonder who I was back then.

As today is mothers’ day in the UK, I am naturally going to dedicate today’s post to my mum.

What to say about Mum… my mum is one of the most amazing people I know, selfless, honest, generous, helpful, never overbearing, never pushy, just right. I never realised when I was growing up, all the things she went without to make sure we had everything we needed. Only looking back did I realise I was too busy doing the spoilt teenager thing and asking for the latest ‘can’t live without’ fashion item, to realise that mum wore the same boots year after year, or never treated herself …

My mum and dad always worked hard, always made sure we were comfortable and taught us about morals, honesty and decency….my mum showed me how to be a mum, how to love nurture and support.

And you know, my mum has no clue how special she is. When someone tells her she is great, she looks genuinely surprised and says she is just doing what mums do, she says she is just an ordinary mum, and she is so very much more than that. When people wonder where my strength comes from, you need look no further than my mum. I am from a long line of strong/determined…okay, yes… stubborn…women. Even mum in the past has wondered where Aaron got his determined streak from, or I get my fight from…I just look at her like she’s mad and ask her if she knows herself at all!!!

I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through losing Aaron without my mum, she came, she supported, let me do and say whatever I needed to, got me dressed on the day of the funeral, held me up when the carriage came....

So I may not have appreciated her so much when I was growing up, may not have realised how hard she fought for us, worked for us, but I’d walk through fire for her now, just like she would for me.

When I first started blogging, I wrote about my mum, you can read that post here….

http://sallyannestephenson.blogspot.com/2008/10/wonder-woman.html

I love you mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Goldilocks and The Three Bears was one fo my favourite fairy tales as a child.

Here is what I believe to be a far more accurate account of the events of that
fateful morning...

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.''
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only
going to say this once....
'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!'

It would certainly be more like this in my house!!!

This is another poem that came around via e-mail and made me smile. I think this mum speaks for the majority of us!
Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never been puked on.Pooped on.Chewed on.Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,

before I was a Mom.

Author unknown.

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a good weekend.

We got together again yesterday for our twelfth video blog. We spoke about people that influence and inspire us, we had five separate categories i.e. family, friend, historical figure e.t.c. and had to name one person in each category.

This is not as easy as you might think…first of all, when put on the spot, ones mind tends to go blank (well mine does any way) and secondly, it is hard to pick just one as so many people influence us over the years, sometimes in the most unexpected places and ways!

Well, rather than try and explain it all, you can have a watch/laugh/cringe/whatever!

This week, my daughter Robyn came with me to see how it all works, and she got roped in to a short blog on her visit to the studio (a.k.a Trojans bedroom), she acted all shy and sweet in front of the camera…but we know her better, so we'll drag her more aggressive side out another time. Now she wants to come again and has lots of ideas for blogs. So watch this space, we’ve created a monster!

Have a great week, hope you enjoy our videos.

Trojan, Sally and Robyn xxx

As I have mentioned already. Aaron would have been seventeen on Friday 5th December. Needless to say this is a rather emotional week for me. So rather than try to skim over it, or stick a bright smile on my face and say everything is fine, as is often the tendency. I have written about it and been as honest as I can.

In that vein, Trojan and I got together yesterday and did our weekly video blog about loss, coping with loss and the importance of remembering those we love. We ran over time, and that is why Trojan split it into two videos rather that edit, it isn't the sort of subject you can cut short.

Everyone who knows Aaron has their own way of remembering him, their own way of wishing him a happy birthday. The same way as we all have a way of remembering those who have passed on.

I know some people find it too painful to remember, and that is fine, there are no right and wrongs, no rule books, and grieving is a completely personal thing.

For me, it is the memories that keep me going, all the good stuff is mixed up in there with the bad stuff, the good memories far outweigh the bad. So for me, remembering Aaron’s smile, and the love in his eyes, his hugs, his cheeky laugh, that’s what makes me carry on, that’s what pushes me on to leave a legacy for him with the t-shirts, the charity and the books.

He will be in the hearts and minds of those who knew him forever, but I am determined that for generations to come, Aaron will be passing on his special love and generous spirit.

He is mummy’s Angel xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Do you know why we’re not valued? …I do, it’s because we don’t bloody well value ourselves enough thats why.

When you’re out and when someone asks you what you do…how many of you feel happy saying I’m a mum, how many are proud to say I’m a carer. More importantly how many of you have said those words and seen the look of disinterest in the person's eyes. And sorry to say it, especially if it's a man who's asked.

Of course being just a mum and a carer means you couldn’t possibly have anything of interest to say to that person. I’m sure they’ll soon be scuttling off just in case you start talking about nappy changing, children’s books or god forbid…childbirth, after all, that’s all we could possibly know anything about.

No, its true, I couldn’t possibly be in my fourth year of a psychology degree, couldn’t possibly be a published author, couldn’t possibly speak two languages, run my own business and know more about advertising, marketing, taxes, finances than most people in the room….nope, I’m a mum, a carer…see ya!

Of course that person may have more luck next time, the next person they ask may be a teacher, a receptionist, a lawyer, a doctor, a chef…you know, someone who really contributes something to our society, not someone who sits at home all day drinking tea, eating cake and watching daytime TV…thank goodness, this time they might find someone who has something interesting to say.

Of course, you may walk past them ten minutes later and hear them talking about Eastenders as if it's real life…what a shame you missed out on that intellectual conversation…after all, I for one wouldn’t be able to hold my own in a conversation about any of the soaps on TV…I don’t watch them, I’m far too busy editing my novels, doing my tax returns, arranging hospital apointments and making sure my kids, husband and customers are happy to sit on my arse and watch TV!

So when someone asks…say it, say I’m a MUM! I’m a carer, and you know what, if they look bored, feel free to tell them that there’s no point in having a conversation with you because YOU are way out of their league, there’s no way they could understand someone as complex as you…they don’t hold a candle to you and you need to know that. As soon as you believe in yourself, it will shine through.

Right, I’m off to beat someone up…

Sal xxx

Okay, I’m a little mad, and a lot hypocritical.

We are having some building work done to the house at the moment. And me with my irrational need to be in control, offered to source and buy the materials. So over the last couple of days I’ve been to the builders merchants for a whole load of things I never knew existed. I’ve been in my oldest tracksuits, make-up free, with my hair un-brushed as I trotted around the shop, not getting an offer of help from anyone passing by as I tried to drag huge bags of bonding agent onto my un-steerable trolley…I’ve had to almost beg the actual shop workers to help point me in the direction of what I needed. So I’m achy and sore and fed up of building materials.

Today however, I had a couple of appointments, so I had to stop at the builders merchants in between times. So instead of my usual unkempt paint splattered self, I was looking a little different. I was only in jeans, but fitted ones, heels and a blouse, complete with a smart jacket. Not only was my hair brushed, and my lashes were laden with mascara, I was also wearing perfume and a splash of that elusive lipstick I’m always trying to find time for.

So today, I had lots of offers of help. I only needed one or two things, but a total of three men…who didn’t even work there stopped and offered to lift the ‘oh so heavy’ aqua board sealant tape into my trolley. Another man lifted a sheet of board for me, and someone who worked there loaded said items into my car.

And the worst thing of it all I guess is that I let them, I even smiled and thanked them sweetly. Afterwards, I though I should have ranted about how shallow they were, how dare they offer to help me because I looked nice and ignore me when I was looking bedraggled on my last couple of visits. But today, I was actually quite happy to stand back and let these men load my trolley and car. I was glad I didn’t have to get my jacket dusty and in a way felt it served them right for ignoring me last time, even though these were different men, perhaps they were just gentlemanly and would have offered to help regardless of my cleavage and butt hugging jeans….mmmmm!

Did I feed their chauvinistic attitude? On the whole I don’t do the ‘helpless female’ thing. Today, I just didn’t have the energy and went with it.

Is it any wonder that women, on the whole are insecure about their looks. It’s bad enough that we are made to feel inadequate if we are anything bigger than a size ten thanks to most of the celebs we see. But on top everything else we have to do, we have to get out the hair straighteners, eyelash curlers and slap on some make up to feel we’re worth speaking to.

Maybe I’m being oversensitive, is it just human nature to be kinder to more attractive people on a whole. Are we all shallower than we like to think? Regardless or whether we’re happily married or in a relationship, do we enjoy the male attention anyway? Who are we really wearing make-up for? Does our self worth and confidence in our looks depend on a man paying us attention?

Note to self…wear lipstick when buying building materials!

Sal xxxxxxxxxx

Well, as usual Trojan and I had a great time at salsa last night….we had our first dip finish…..and no…I didn’t end up on the floor as I thought I might. Although Trojan was a little over zealous and may have sprained his back a little while trying to get the big finish. Most men in the class were a little more conservative and just did a small dip, but that’s just not Trojans way!

It was brilliant, and we kept up and are amazed at just how quickly the routines are becoming easier. The steps are second nature now and I’m playing salsa music and dancing around the house more and more.

The kids just roll their eyes at me, but Dave doesn’t seem to mind…funny that, Dave not minding as I shimmy around the house wiggling my hips!

But one of the best things, was after I had completed an assault course of cooking and cleaning to enable my escape, Deion asked me if I wanted a quick game of blackjack, and Robyn said ‘no, mummy’s got salsa tonight.’

So Wednesdays are fully established salsa nights for mummy.

Livin la vida loca….well, sort of!

Sal xxxx

Today we are going to talk about an issue that many mums and careers have to deal with. ‘Lack of self worth’...uh oh!

Those of us who do not leave the house to do a conventional job, often feel like we're not seen as productive, contributing or valued members of society. Of course no-one sees the sheer magnitude of the stuff we have to deal with on a daily basis. There are days when as a parent/carer we’ll have a ‘to do’ list that would make a grown man cry…and all on less than four hours sleep in many case.

We’re not just housewives (god I hate that word!) like any mum, we’re cooks, cleaners, nurses and anything else raising children and running a home entails. As carers, we have the added opportunity to experience being physio therapists, psychologists, support workers, speech and language therapists, dieticians, occupational therapists…we have to keep up with dozens of appointments, add to that the fighting the system for school placements, key workers and equipment…are we having fun yet?

Then there’s often physical stuff, the lifting and handling…honestly I could arm wrestle Hulk Hogan and win after the lifting I’ve done over the years. I’m stronger than I look…and my godson deeply embarrassed his parents with a comment a few weeks ago as I helped them move furniture…”Auntie Sal aint ‘alf strong for a skinny bird” he said….his mum was affronted that he used the word ‘bird, and an argument ensued with his father on encouraging improper labels…I was just sadly thrilled that he thought I was skinny!

I have a feeling that a lot of women share these same thoughts of not being appreciated. Why is it that women are generally the ones that end up in this role in the first place. Is it by choice of by accident? Is it because the roles are so inherent in society. Women can earn as much as men now, so why are men still predominantly the breadwinners while women take care of the house and the children. Regardless of whether the woman works too.

It’s time that society started to recognize the importance of carers and all they do and contribute. What we do is beyond monetary value. As mothers we are raising the next generation of people who will be running the country. What we do is the most important job in the world. Can’t we acknowledge this on whole?

So the radio blog this week will explore and identify the value of our contributions as a mums, carers and friends. We can talk about how we feel our role is valued by society at large and also how it’s valued closer to home. If it was men having to make the decisions regarding their children’s schooling, hospital appointments, medical care and deal with the day to day running of the house, would it be more valued by society? Would it suddenly be an essential contribution to society as a whole.

We will also talk about how we ourselves contribute to this perception and what are we doing about it. Should we be asking if it’s acceptable, should we be demanding the respect we deserve?

Who are we? What makes us ‘us’, you and what example do we set for the people around us? Are we setting our children up to take on these same roles later on in their own lives.

None of us have all the answers but we can learn a lot by talking, listening and changing the negative mindsets that society, the government, our own families and we often seem to have of ourselves. This may be a good way to explore these issues and at the same time make a difference to someone else in a similar position.

These blogs have always been about reaching out to others and this way we can hopefully reach some of the least appreciated people in today’s society.

So let us know your views, if there is something specific you want us to talk about, and of course tune in to the show, you can phone in and have your say.

Right, I’ll take a breath now, as you can see, I feel strongly about these issues, I hope you do too.

Sal xxx

Hi everyone, sorry I've neglected the blogs over the last couple of days ... I've been poorly in bed since Sunday night, caught some sort of weird virus and thought my head exploding was a real possibility, and preferable to how I was feeling. Now of course it looks as if a tornado has occurred in every room in the house….but restoring order can wait, still feeling to fragile to tackle it…

I guess even Wonder Woman gets ill, although the outfit would clash with the slight green tinge of my face today. Lets hope the postman doesn't need to knock, I've traumatised him enough lately.

I'm just glad that I didn't get ill until after Trojan and I did our video and radio blog on Sunday afternoon...it was alot of fun, and we're very pleased with the results, and hope lots of you tuned in and have had a listen since.

Right, I’m indoors today, but merely dosing on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, doing nothing more strenuous than lifting large quantities of chocolates to my mouth…need large supply of chocolates to regain the half stone I lost in the last 2 days.

So I'll be back as right as rain tomorrow (I hope) especially considering Deion has physio, hospital and O.T appointments. Oh joy!

Speak soon

Sal

Okay, nothing heavy or of very much 'special needs' consequence today. Today I just wanted to talk about childhood hero's. Mine was Wonderwoman, I wanted to be her so badly, she was my all time heroine. I did grow out of it....about last September I think, but her lessons will stay with me forever.

Me and my brothers used to drive my mum mad, "Batman could easily take Wonderwoman in a fight," my brother would yell at me. "No way, he hasn't even got special powers," I'd scream back. Then my other brother would chip in with, "what about superman, he could take 'em both." We'd glare at him. "Who asked you anyway," we'd snap, not really being able to deny he had a point. My mum would have to jump in a break up the fight...but it was usually time for me to go and pick up the kids from school by then anyway!!!

But I have a very real hero of my own and, today I just want to acknowledge her. I never told her that when I was growing up, I was too busy rebelling and putting my own stamp on the world to stop and appreciate her. While I was raving about Wonderwoman leaping tall buildings in a single bound, I never realised that my mum was doing the equivalent of that every single day for me. okay, so she never had the cool costume, not practical for grocery shopping I suppose, but that didn't matter.

Until I became a mum I had no clue what being a mum meant. All those years, I never acknowledged my mum and all she does, how fiercely protective she's always been. Now I get it, I really get it. When we become mum's, we all become Wonderwomen in our own little way. We become someone elses hero and we have to step up to the plate. Oh we may not have the glossy hair, the six foot legs, the ten inch waist or bracelets that deflect bullets. But we will hunt down anyone who tries to hurt or deprive those we love, and we make sure justice is done. That's sort of the same.

My mum's certainly taught me how I want my kids to think of me and look up to me, and I hope one day my daughter feels that way about me, then I'll know I have got it right. So this blog is to acknowledge all the mums like me, my sisters, my mum, my friends who go the extra mile for their kids. As someone very important to me said the other day, we're so busy doing what needs to be done, we don't stop to look at all we do and all we achieve.

So I'm acknowledging it now, and letting you know you're not alone, there are plenty of us if you need to reach out.

Sal xxx