Sally's World

Okay, I promise, these are the last swine flu jokes, a collection of the best ones that people forwarded to Deion via e-mail and face book. I thought you might like them, they made him squeal with laughter (sorry, couldn't resist)

I called the Swine Flu hotline - all I got was crackling

The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu.
I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu - I think he's just telling porkies!

The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL ABOUT SWINE FLU DELETE IT AS ITS ONLY
SPAM.

Swine flu however, is not a problem for the pigs because
they're all going to be cured anyway!

News Flash .... This just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the
aporkalypse.

Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu.
Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.

I just heard on the news that "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?

This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal.

It is a mild hamdemic,don't believe the spam you're getting.

Being the mum of a disabled child can be an isolating and lonely existence at times, throw in a bit of swine flu, and it becomes quite stiffling, hermit like. Jordan has it too now. We only leave the house to go to the hospital, and, along with no sleep, it is taking its toll... I thought life was a little mad before...how little I knew!

In trying to keep the kids spirits up, my own are sacrificed, this isn't self pity, after all, I don't even have the bloody virus, but it is exhaustion!

Hi Everyone, I apologize for my absence from both mine and your blogs of late. Deion is mostly over the swine flu, but has been left with a nasty chest infection, so its been a bit back and forth from the hospital for x-rays and medication and such like. The hospital is like something out of a sci-fi/outbreak film, with cordoned off areas and everyone walking around in masks...

I just want to thank everyone for your get well wishes and e-mails to check up on Deion. Hopefully we'll all be back to normal soon.

Right it is 5.15 am, I'm going to try and get some sleep while Deion is settled.

Night night! xxxxx

I’ve officially been awake for 72 hours, I past the tired, the irritable, the clumsy and the zombie like state and into manic mode….

I sponged Deion down, got him settled and estimated I had about five minutes before he needed me again.

Seeing as I have been in the same clothes for about 36 hours I ran up the stairs, shedding clothes as I went, I jumped in the shower, no time for a full body scrub, just wash the most important bits, grabbed a towel as I ran into the bedroom, no time for proper drying, lotions and creams, just pulled on some underwear…oops, wrong way round, never mind, grabbed some sweats and a t-shirt, pulled them on as I ran back to the bathroom, squeezed toothpaste on my toothbrush frantically scrubbed my teeth as I located my hairbrush underneath a pile of discarded bedding, caught sight of myself in the mirror. Screamed like a girl…I look like the wild woman of Borneo! Dragged a brush through my birds nest of hair, threw the brush down, ran into the bathroom, spat and rinsed, leapt down the stairs in 2 bounds, back to Deion….still settled. Result! Ran into the kitchen grabbed some bread, threw some butter on it and stuffed it in my mouth as I made a coffee…Deion still settled, a record….so I thought I’d give you an update…

Deion’s temperature is staying around a hundred now, which is much better, he has stopped being sick (brilliant for the poor little guy) he is sipping drinks, but hasn’t really eaten, I’m massaging his achy limbs, sponging his head and keeping him amused as much as possible, and that’s about all I can do, he has a cosy bed on the sofa, he’s dosing now and then, still smiling at our teasing, a trooper.

No time for spell checking…I’m needed xxxx

Deion had a fidgety night to say the least, I spent half the night cooling him down, and the other half warming him up, his temperature was up and down like a Yo Yo. he went through four sets of bedding and five pairs of pyjamas and I have given up with trying to stay clean or dry myself!

Its lovely to see him laugh still, after yesterdays post we had a couple of other suggestions, like, playing this little piggy with his toes (thanks J.J) a few sayings like 'in the pink' and 'when pigs fly' (thanks Pam) or 'theres snowt wrong with you' from a friend up north...too funny.

All good, so keep coming with any suggestions, he's loving it! and as we know, laughter is the best medicine...well, along with tami-flu, antivirals, anti-biotics and pareceteomol. Not to mention mums undivided attention...oops, gotta go, I'm needed!

Poor old Deion seems to be having more than his fare share at the moment. He's been ill over the weekend, today the doctor confirmed he has Swine flu.

I am run ragged, knackered, I need a shower, some clean clothes and a hairbrush, its a good job I'm too tired to see straight, the sight of myself in a mirror may push me over the edge.

In my house, we don't really do sympathy, we do affectionate teasing so we are all doing our best to keep Deion cheered up and smiling.

This involves:

a) Frantically oinking and squeeling at him at regular intervals and asking if he can understand us,
b) Frequently checking for a curly tail,
c) Intermitently showing him pictures of Miss Piggy and asking him if he fancies her yet.
d) Asking if he needs help if holding his drink is hard with trotters.
e) Whenever he farts, asking if he can smell bacon.

Strange as it seems to all you functional families out there...but this is what he needs.

I'll blog when I can, in between the symptoms (believe me, you DON'T need details)

sal xxxx