Sally's World

Seeing as it's after three o'clock in the morning and everyone else in the house is sound asleep. It seems like a good time to tackle the issue's surrounding insomnia. I have no hope of getting to sleep next to Dave's freight train like snoring anyhow. It wouldn't be so bad if there was something decent on the telly at this time of the morning...there never is, although I am now somewhat of an expert on African and Indian wild life.

Insomnia is something that I have suffered with for so long now, that I don't even think anything of it anymore. And this is a problem I share with several mums and dads I know. It seems to frequently go hand in hand with having special needs kids.

I know exactly why it began; Aaron had sleep disturbance from day one, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time no matter what, so I had to get used to having short bursts of sleep whenever he did. Of course the other children came along and it was no longer possible to do that, and Dave was working full time, so I never expected him to do the waking nights (besides it would have taken a small explosion to wake Dave once asleep) so I just got used to having less sleep.

Although this may be a major factor in my extreme clumsiness of course!I was always, stumbling out of bed, stubbing my toe, tripping down the stairs, and the kids learnt some rather choice words too.

I guess my body just trained itself to adjust, I got into a routine of four hours sleep and that was that. Of course when Aaron became oxygen dependant, he needed someone with him 24 hours a day. He needed suction, percussion physio, and of course he was tube fed, so it was an every minute job. A family support worker we had recently met did come and see us, and was clearly shocked at how shattered I looked ('you look shattered' I believe actually translates to 'good god woman you look rough')and so she arranged for a nurse to come and sit with Aaron three nights a week for six hours at a time.

So that's when I slept...from midnight to six am on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I was up every minute of every other day. I did doze of a couple of times, once while I was actually standing up doing the ironing would you believe and another time while I was in the middle of changing a nappy (just a wet one luckily). But I got used to it, and I valued those precious hours in bed.

So I guess my insomnia is self inflicted in some ways, and I now find it impossible to sleep normal hours. It's not my brain or my body's fault, I've deprived it of sleep for so long, it's getting it's own back now.

Besides, you don't really want to be in the same room as me if I've had more than four hours sleep, I'm a nightmare, I bounce off the walls and run around like a Tasmanian devil on acid. Dave and the kids joke about not sitting still for to long in case they get dusted, polished, painted or tidied.

But on the other hand, I don't think I'd get everything done if I had to take four hours out of my schedule. I need another three hours in the day as it is! Twenty hour days seem extreme, but I think my life's pretty extreme. There are too many things I want to achieve to spend too much time sleeping I suppose. of course, the odd lay in would be good.

Night night, sleep tight!

Sal x

Seeing as it's after three o'clock in the morning and everyone else in the house is sound asleep. It seems like a good time to tackle the issue's surrounding insomnia. I have no hope of getting to sleep next to Dave's freight train like snoring anyhow. It wouldn't be so bad if there was something decent on the telly at this time of the morning...there never is, although I am now somewhat of an expert on African and Indian wild life.

Insomnia is something that I have suffered with for so long now, that I don't even think anything of it anymore. And this is a problem I share with several mums and dads I know. It seems to frequently go hand in hand with having special needs kids.

I know exactly why it began; Aaron had sleep disturbance from day one, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time no matter what, so I had to get used to having short bursts of sleep whenever he did. Of course the other children came along and it was no longer possible to do that, and Dave was working full time, so I never expected him to do the waking nights (besides it would have taken a small explosion to wake Dave once asleep) so I just got used to having less sleep.

Although this may be a major factor in my extreme clumsiness of course!I was always, stumbling out of bed, stubbing my toe, tripping down the stairs, and the kids learnt some rather choice words too.

I guess my body just trained itself to adjust, I got into a routine of four hours sleep and that was that. Of course when Aaron became oxygen dependant, he needed someone with him 24 hours a day. He needed suction, percussion physio, and of course he was tube fed, so it was an every minute job. A family support worker we had recently met did come and see us, and was clearly shocked at how shattered I looked ('you look shattered' I believe actually translates to 'good god woman you look rough')and so she arranged for a nurse to come and sit with Aaron three nights a week for six hours at a time.

So that's when I slept...from midnight to six am on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I was up every minute of every other day. I did doze of a couple of times, once while I was actually standing up doing the ironing would you believe and another time while I was in the middle of changing a nappy (just a wet one luckily). But I got used to it, and I valued those precious hours in bed.

So I guess my insomnia is self inflicted in some ways, and I now find it impossible to sleep normal hours. It's not my brain or my body's fault, I've deprived it of sleep for so long, it's getting it's own back now.

Besides, you don't really want to be in the same room as me if I've had more than four hours sleep, I'm a nightmare, I bounce off the walls and run around like a Tasmanian devil on acid. Dave and the kids joke about not sitting still for to long in case they get dusted, polished, painted or tidied.

But on the other hand, I don't think I'd get everything done if I had to take four hours out of my schedule. I need another three hours in the day as it is! Twenty hour days seem extreme, but I think my life's pretty extreme. There are too many things I want to achieve to spend too much time sleeping I suppose. of course, the odd lay in would be good.

Night night, sleep tight!

Sal x

Dream analysis!

A friend of mine bought me a dream symbol book for my birthday. I’ve been sleeping a bit more lately, so, as I am now asleep long enough to experience this phenomenon of dreaming, I thought maybe I’d take a look and see what the book says.

Personally I am a firm believer that our dreams are our thoughts/fears/emotions of the day/recent events unwinding. But hey, what do I know, the guy that wrote this book's got a PhD, a BSc and about thirty thousand other qualifications; so he must know something…right?

First I flicked through the book and was a little surprised to find that about seventy percent of anything in our dreams is actually sexually significant…hmmm!

e.g.
Dome…sexual symbol,
Ice…frigidity,
Obelisk…phallic symbol,
Goat…male sexuality,
Spilling liquid...sexual addiction???
Riding…desire for sex,
River…flow of sexuality,
Pole…phallic symbol,
Policeman…sexual emotions,
Ram…sexual symbol…the list goes on, and on, and on.

However; orgy, funnily enough means breaking out of an old habit, and actually dreaming about sex means you are balanced.

So I ploughed on regardless and decided to analyse last nights dream!

It all makes complete sense to me now???!!!????

I’m a frigid sex addict with anger issues, an over passive nature and aggressive tendencies, I am, it seems, a timid person with an abundance of confidence. I will be getting a promotion at work (a miracle in itself seeing as I work for myself…by myself, I can always promote myself to be my own boss I suppose), and I'll be meeting a new man very soon…for the love of god! Where ever will I find the time between all the passive aggressive, submissive anger tantrums, and not forgetting all the sex!!!!

Confused…maybe!

And there I was just thinking that dreaming about clearing the path of snow and making hot chocolate and spilling it, while the children built a snowman, then dreaming about housework and bills, was just the events of the day unwinding.

I learnt a lot! I wonder if he paid good money for that PhD???

Good grief!

Today we are going to talk about an issue that many mums and careers have to deal with. ‘Lack of self worth’...uh oh!

Those of us who do not leave the house to do a conventional job, often feel like we're not seen as productive, contributing or valued members of society. Of course no-one sees the sheer magnitude of the stuff we have to deal with on a daily basis. There are days when as a parent/carer we’ll have a ‘to do’ list that would make a grown man cry…and all on less than four hours sleep in many case.

We’re not just housewives (god I hate that word!) like any mum, we’re cooks, cleaners, nurses and anything else raising children and running a home entails. As carers, we have the added opportunity to experience being physio therapists, psychologists, support workers, speech and language therapists, dieticians, occupational therapists…we have to keep up with dozens of appointments, add to that the fighting the system for school placements, key workers and equipment…are we having fun yet?

Then there’s often physical stuff, the lifting and handling…honestly I could arm wrestle Hulk Hogan and win after the lifting I’ve done over the years. I’m stronger than I look…and my godson deeply embarrassed his parents with a comment a few weeks ago as I helped them move furniture…”Auntie Sal aint ‘alf strong for a skinny bird” he said….his mum was affronted that he used the word ‘bird, and an argument ensued with his father on encouraging improper labels…I was just sadly thrilled that he thought I was skinny!

I have a feeling that a lot of women share these same thoughts of not being appreciated. Why is it that women are generally the ones that end up in this role in the first place. Is it by choice of by accident? Is it because the roles are so inherent in society. Women can earn as much as men now, so why are men still predominantly the breadwinners while women take care of the house and the children. Regardless of whether the woman works too.

It’s time that society started to recognize the importance of carers and all they do and contribute. What we do is beyond monetary value. As mothers we are raising the next generation of people who will be running the country. What we do is the most important job in the world. Can’t we acknowledge this on whole?

So the radio blog this week will explore and identify the value of our contributions as a mums, carers and friends. We can talk about how we feel our role is valued by society at large and also how it’s valued closer to home. If it was men having to make the decisions regarding their children’s schooling, hospital appointments, medical care and deal with the day to day running of the house, would it be more valued by society? Would it suddenly be an essential contribution to society as a whole.

We will also talk about how we ourselves contribute to this perception and what are we doing about it. Should we be asking if it’s acceptable, should we be demanding the respect we deserve?

Who are we? What makes us ‘us’, you and what example do we set for the people around us? Are we setting our children up to take on these same roles later on in their own lives.

None of us have all the answers but we can learn a lot by talking, listening and changing the negative mindsets that society, the government, our own families and we often seem to have of ourselves. This may be a good way to explore these issues and at the same time make a difference to someone else in a similar position.

These blogs have always been about reaching out to others and this way we can hopefully reach some of the least appreciated people in today’s society.

So let us know your views, if there is something specific you want us to talk about, and of course tune in to the show, you can phone in and have your say.

Right, I’ll take a breath now, as you can see, I feel strongly about these issues, I hope you do too.

Sal xxx

How do I keep my energy levels up some people are asking me?

How do I wind down after hectic days others ask?

Energy? That’s easy…chocolate, caffeine, sugar….no, I’m kidding, I know I talk about my bad eating habits, and I do have a sweet tooth. But I do make sure we all have a balanced diet. I suffer with IBS so avoid too much wheat and I don’t eat meat. I know a good diet is very important with regards to health and energy levels. I also drink herbal tea rather than have a lot of coffee.(Besides too much coffee and I am literaly bouncing off the walls).

For me, I believe that the more you do, the more energy you have. If you sit down and do nothing, you get tired, but if you keep moving, get up and do something, you’ll find your energy increases. Play music, dance around the house, whatever, just do something. I know most people can relate, if you have twenty things to do, you get them done, if you only have two or three, something gets missed. It’s all about the get up and go.

To wind down, I use yoga…it’s saved my life countless times. Yes, my days (and nights) are hectic to say the least, and I do have insomnia as you all know. But by spending 20 minutes doing yoga each night, I do get in a relaxed state. It’s easy to meditate after a yoga session and even if sometimes I don’t get to sleep, yoga…brilliant substitute for me. Otherwise I look a tad scary in the mornings....

When we go to Bimini and Wildquest, there are daily yoga sessions, its all part of the healing nature of the dolphin weeks. The kids are great at it, and Aaron was often found tying himself in knots and wrapping his legs around his head whilst in his wheelchair (I kid you not!).

If you want to try it, there are some great on-line videos and stuff, so it’s easy to see if it will fit with you.

Namaste!

Sally xxx

At five to six this morning, my phone rang. I picked it up worried that something was wrong, only to be met with someone asking me if I could have one two or three windows in my house replaced for free, what would I choose. I bit back what I actually wanted to say…which was…’nothing I’d burn my house to the ground rather than let you anywhere near it now you've woken me up you dozy cow!’

I was pissed off, its Saturday, it was my one chance this week of getting a lay in. Now the kids were awake too…no hope of getting back to bed.

But instead I said “look, its six o’clock on Saturday morning, go away, and before you ring back, I have new windows, I don’t need any replaced.”

Five minutes later, the same woman wanted to know if I needed a conservatory, ‘NO!’

Five minutes later a porch! ‘NO again!’

But this time I asked for her phone number…to which she replied with a shocked “why?”… “So I can ring you at an ungodly hour of the morning about something useless, irrelevant and that you have no interest in, then I’ll proceed to ring you every ten minutes until you want to scream and rip the phone out of the wall….then you’ll know how these phone calls make me feel.”

Why are there a bunch of companies out there who think we are not intelligent enough to source what we need? If I needed a new kitchen/bathroom/windows/advice on endowment mortgages/loan reductions or accident cover, then I am more than intelligent enough to find a company, get the best deal and go ahead and get it done.

Do they think there are hundreds of people sitting in their homes saying, “crikey, we really need new windows, these are practically falling out…if only a telemarketer would ring.” They sit huddled round the phone anxiously waiting for a call….the phone rings, they snatch it up…no, disappointment, just someone selling kitchens, they have to wait again!!!

Exactly…NO! WE DO NOT!

Considering most of us have enough technology in our homes to communicate with Jupiter if we should so wish, why on earth would we not be able to phone or e-mail a couple of companies and get a quote on what we need.

I get that people need to supplement their income, I get that times are hard, so yes, the weekend brings unproportionately high numbers of cold calling from people with second jobs. And okay, I admire the work ethic. But please people, after eight in the morning, before eight at night, take no for an answer and once someone has said ‘no’ take them off your list and never ever call them again!

Grumpy from less than three hours sleep

Sal x

A couple of friends have told me that the saying goodbye passage I posted may make people think that the book is all like that and a bit heavy to get through. So they encouraged me to post another passage that reflects the lighter side of the book. The kids chose this one because its their favourite!

But, Please, dont judge me until you've been there. xxxx

"Aaron never lost his sense of humour. And we never felt more confident than when he was up to mischief…. Many people made the mistake of thinking Aaron wasn’t intelligent, we couldn’t seem to get through to some people that, being in a wheelchair didn’t make him stupid. I was trying to think of an example when one of the kids reminded me of, “The nights of the whistle.”

My Mum and Dad in their infinite wisdom; bought Aaron a set of musical instruments, complete with drum, tambourine and a nice loud whistle. Honestly I think they were using my own children to get back at me for all the noise and grief I caused them over the years! I think they actually scour the shops looking for the loudest toys they can find. Come to think of it, they do seem to have a kind of smug smile on their faces when they hand my kids their presents!

So one night there was an almighty loud whistle coming from Aaron’s room; I sat bolt upright and stumbled into his room to take it off of him. But, I couldn’t find it, I looked everywhere, I presumed it had fallen down the back of the bed, and was lost. Fine, ‘I’ll find it tomorrow,’ I thought and went back to bed. As soon as I got back to sleep, he blew it again. In I went again, but I could not find this bloody whistle.

This went on every night for a week, I emptied everything out of his room, I looked under his mattress, in every book, I thoroughly checked about his person, even in his nappy, it was nowhere to be found. I was completely baffled.

When it got to the point that I was so tired I was a zombie like; I turned detective, I didn’t do the whole raincoat, magnifying glass thing, but probably would have if I’d thought of it at the time. I put Aaron to bed, made the footstep noises as if I’d gone into my room...oh yeah, I’m good. Then I crept back on my hands and knees to wait outside his door.

I waited for three hours. Even to me this sounds a tad mad, but you have to appreciate how tired I was. If I didn’t find that whistle I was going to go mad, so it was for the good of the family that I sat crouched outside his bedroom door that night.

Then it happened, he blew the whistle! I burst in his room before he had chance to hide it “POLICE FREEZE!” I yelled, “CAUGHT YOU!” The look on Aarons face was a picture, a caught red handed look across his cute little features. “I’m not falling for the cute look Sucker!” okay so I may have got carried away at this point!

Then I found out where he’d been hiding his whistle. He’d picked at the stitching a furry dolphin toy he had until he’d made a little hole, he’d even made it underneath the fin, so you couldn’t see it at first glance. He was blowing the whistle, then poking it in this hole. What a bugger! How ingenious! Even I had underestimated him this time.

Aaron thought it was hilarious; Dave and the kids were helpless with laughter. They told everyone they could think of, and I became the butt of everyone’s jokes for ages! When I’d tell anyone about it, Aaron would sit there with this little angelic look on his face… “Who me?” the look said, with a flutter of the eyelashes.

Aaron loved driving me completely mad with little things like that. Believe me this is just one small example of absolutely hundreds of tricks that Aaron has played on me over the years. How anyone could dare suggest he was unintelligent was obviously very misguided."