Sally's World

I don't know who wrote this, but it was sent to me by a friend and I wanted to share it.

When I have no one to turn to
And I am feeling kind of low,
When there is no one to talk to
And nowhere I want to go,

I search deep within myself
It is the love inside my heart
That lets me know my Angels are there
Even though we are miles apart.

A smile then appears upon my face
And the sun begins to shine.
I hear a voice, so soft and sweet
Saying, 'Everything will be just fine'

It may seem that I am alone
But I am never by myself at all.
Whenever I need my Angels near
All I have to do is call.

An Angel's love is always true
On that you can depend.
They will always stand behind you
And will always be your friend.

Through darkest hours and brightest days
Our Angel's see us through
They smile when we are happy,
and will cry when we are blue..

Thanks for being my Angel my friend
I will be there for you until the end.

Our Angel!

Today is the third anniversary of the day that our angel Aaron passed away.

I have purposely tried to stay extra busy for the last few days, and this is really saying something for someone who’s already so hyper they make coffee nervous!!

I’ve just tried to keep my mind off of the date and the significance of the day. Of course, it doesn’t really work all that well and my heart slams into the pit of my stomach every now and then when my mind wanders back to that moment three years ago, the very moment when I knew we’d lost Aaron and I thought the world would end.

I know we’ve come a very long way in three years. When I think back to the first few days when I had to remind myself to breathe even, then the first few weeks when I couldn’t function or get my clothes on the right way round, and the first few months when I couldn’t shut my eyes because of the image imprinted there, for fear of that first second of waking when the loss hit me all over again, from the nights just sobbing quietly into my pillow so I didn’t wake anyone else…to slowly learning to function, even to smile and eventually laugh….laugh for real, not just putting on a front for the sake of everyone else.

Yes, we’ve all come a huge way, I still have bad days where the longing is so great I can’t catch my breath, but for the most part I cannot help but smile and feel gratitude for Aaron and the amazing time we had together. I doubt as long as I live will I ever meet another person as incredible as Aaron. I have never seen his determination and zest for life matched. How can we regret being part of that!

But it is on days like today, the anniversaries, the birthdays’, Christmas… that those tears are so close to the surface, it is unavoidable. It will probably always be that way.

But even if I knew back then what it was going to be like, even if I knew back then that we would one day lose Aaron, if I knew the pain we’d have to go through, I’d still have done it, and I wouldn’t have done it any differently.

I don’t have a single regret. There are too many years of love, days of fun, too many moments of laughter and madness for us to hold on to, to have any regrets!

How privileged I am to be a mummy to such an incredible boy!!!

As always Aaron, I love you more and more each passing day, I’ll send a special balloon up to heaven for you today, so look out for it.

Mummy xxxxx

A mixture of emotions for me today. I went to a funeral this afternoon. The mum of one of my close friends passed away just before Christmas. Her name was Sylvia Leigh and I’ve known her for about eleven years.

She was a lovely lady, who adored her family and grandchildren. And somehow Aaron got adopted into that circle too. When we first met her, it was at a children’s birthday party, and as her grandchildren were calling her Nan, Aaron just thought he would to, he used to call her Grandma Leigh, and no-one ever thought it was in the least bit strange.

The first time he met her he went to give her one of his hugs, and as anyone who has ever had one of these hugs knows…its no lovey dovey, light hearted hug we’re talking about, we’re talking full on squeeze you to death, pop out your eyeballs, strangle hold here. “Be careful Aaron,” I warned him….”oh I’m not as fragile as I look,” she said defiantly… “I know, but you’ll see” I said smiling…and he hugged her. Only after she turned a deep shade of purple did she laugh and say “fair enough.”

When we were first fundraising for Aaron, despite being in her eighties, she got stuck in, raised quite a bit of money, even went on the radio to promote our bungee jump. I think perhaps someone forgot to tell her she was getting on a bit. Luckily we talked her out of the jump itself….

So her funeral today was mixed emotions for lots of reasons. Obviously there is some sadness at saying goodbye to old friends, then of course, there’s the knowledge that Aaron has another one of his grandmas’ up there with him…I’m sure they’ll be causing havoc together. The songs were two that make me think of Aaron every single time…’somewhere over the rainbow’ and ‘in the arms of the angels’. Needless to say, I blubbed for England.

And the crematorium service was all a little too close to home. The coffin looked so small; it made me wonder how small Aarons looked! Then one of my godchildren got up to speak about her nan and couldn’t get through it, so her dad had to step in and help her, listening to her sob was heartbreaking. But I kept trying to remind myself that, as I was saying the other day, it is a true measure of how much they love their nan and how loved by her they all are.

I was a little shell shocked afterwards, because I don’t remember that much about that part of Aaron’s funeral, I remember staring at his casket dreading the moment when it would go out of sight. People must have been sobbing all around us then too, I just don’t remember it all that much.

It is the first funeral I have attended since Aaron’s and it was going to be hard. But I wanted to be there, it was important to pay my respects and to be there for my friends and my god children.

So this is me saying rest in peace Grandma Leigh, you will be thought of fondly and often.

p.s. don’t let Aaron talk you into doing anything too mad.

xxxxx

As I have mentioned already. Aaron would have been seventeen on Friday 5th December. Needless to say this is a rather emotional week for me. So rather than try to skim over it, or stick a bright smile on my face and say everything is fine, as is often the tendency. I have written about it and been as honest as I can.

In that vein, Trojan and I got together yesterday and did our weekly video blog about loss, coping with loss and the importance of remembering those we love. We ran over time, and that is why Trojan split it into two videos rather that edit, it isn't the sort of subject you can cut short.

Everyone who knows Aaron has their own way of remembering him, their own way of wishing him a happy birthday. The same way as we all have a way of remembering those who have passed on.

I know some people find it too painful to remember, and that is fine, there are no right and wrongs, no rule books, and grieving is a completely personal thing.

For me, it is the memories that keep me going, all the good stuff is mixed up in there with the bad stuff, the good memories far outweigh the bad. So for me, remembering Aaron’s smile, and the love in his eyes, his hugs, his cheeky laugh, that’s what makes me carry on, that’s what pushes me on to leave a legacy for him with the t-shirts, the charity and the books.

He will be in the hearts and minds of those who knew him forever, but I am determined that for generations to come, Aaron will be passing on his special love and generous spirit.

He is mummy’s Angel xxxxxxxxxxxxx