Sally's World

OMG, I have been attacked in the park, I had to run for my life, I was terrified. I was quietly walking through the park having a rare 30 minutes to myself as Deion was joining in his fun day...when I felt someone pinch my bottom. I turned round sharply to see a goose looking at me menacingly...it lurched, I screamed I ran, he ran, I screamed some more, ran some more, it was bloody horrible....

And not one person helped, while I was running wildly, arms flying, screaming at it, and making threats of catching, killing and cooking the f*****g bird if it didn't b****r off (I was trying to scare it with empty threats at this point), not one person attempted to grab it, throw something at it or rescue me.....

Plenty laughed though at my misfortune, by the time the bird given me a couple of sharp pecks on the ankles and lost interest, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I don't do running....goodness, I need to get down the gym, and possibly buy and air rifle before I venture back in the park.

Good grief!

My husband has a fast metabolism, he doesn’t gain weight, he is fit and healthy and can run 5k with barely breaking a sweat, he plays football, and even though he eats like a horse, and is in his forties, he’s still trim. Bloody sickening really…I hope it catches up with him one day, just so maybe he’ll throw a bit of empathy my way.

Well, I’ve been having a moan about gaining some weight and said I thought I’d join a gym, maybe slimming world or weight watchers!!!

My darling husband said “you don’t need all that.”

Naturally I smiled, thinking he was telling me I was fine as I was, I waited, wide eyed for a compliment on my lovely body…until….

“No, you don’t need to spend money on all that rubbish, you just need someone to stand behind you and scream RUN!”

"And perhaps cut down on the cakes," he added in case the last blow didn't score a direct hit!

Wow, now I feel really great about myself!!! NOT!

Better get those running shoes!