Sally's World

Seeing as it's after three o'clock in the morning and everyone else in the house is sound asleep. It seems like a good time to tackle the issue's surrounding insomnia. I have no hope of getting to sleep next to Dave's freight train like snoring anyhow. It wouldn't be so bad if there was something decent on the telly at this time of the morning...there never is, although I am now somewhat of an expert on African and Indian wild life.

Insomnia is something that I have suffered with for so long now, that I don't even think anything of it anymore. And this is a problem I share with several mums and dads I know. It seems to frequently go hand in hand with having special needs kids.

I know exactly why it began; Aaron had sleep disturbance from day one, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time no matter what, so I had to get used to having short bursts of sleep whenever he did. Of course the other children came along and it was no longer possible to do that, and Dave was working full time, so I never expected him to do the waking nights (besides it would have taken a small explosion to wake Dave once asleep) so I just got used to having less sleep.

Although this may be a major factor in my extreme clumsiness of course!I was always, stumbling out of bed, stubbing my toe, tripping down the stairs, and the kids learnt some rather choice words too.

I guess my body just trained itself to adjust, I got into a routine of four hours sleep and that was that. Of course when Aaron became oxygen dependant, he needed someone with him 24 hours a day. He needed suction, percussion physio, and of course he was tube fed, so it was an every minute job. A family support worker we had recently met did come and see us, and was clearly shocked at how shattered I looked ('you look shattered' I believe actually translates to 'good god woman you look rough')and so she arranged for a nurse to come and sit with Aaron three nights a week for six hours at a time.

So that's when I slept...from midnight to six am on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I was up every minute of every other day. I did doze of a couple of times, once while I was actually standing up doing the ironing would you believe and another time while I was in the middle of changing a nappy (just a wet one luckily). But I got used to it, and I valued those precious hours in bed.

So I guess my insomnia is self inflicted in some ways, and I now find it impossible to sleep normal hours. It's not my brain or my body's fault, I've deprived it of sleep for so long, it's getting it's own back now.

Besides, you don't really want to be in the same room as me if I've had more than four hours sleep, I'm a nightmare, I bounce off the walls and run around like a Tasmanian devil on acid. Dave and the kids joke about not sitting still for to long in case they get dusted, polished, painted or tidied.

But on the other hand, I don't think I'd get everything done if I had to take four hours out of my schedule. I need another three hours in the day as it is! Twenty hour days seem extreme, but I think my life's pretty extreme. There are too many things I want to achieve to spend too much time sleeping I suppose. of course, the odd lay in would be good.

Night night, sleep tight!

Sal x

At five to six this morning, my phone rang. I picked it up worried that something was wrong, only to be met with someone asking me if I could have one two or three windows in my house replaced for free, what would I choose? I bit back what I actually wanted to say…which was… 'nothing I’d burn my house to the ground rather than let you anywhere near it now you've woken me up you dozy cow!’

I was pissed off, its school holidays, it was also my one chance this week of getting a lay in. Now the kids were awake too…no hope of getting back to bed.

But instead of yelling at her, I said “look, its six o’clock, go away, and before you even think about ringing back later, I have new windows, I don’t need any replaced.”

Five minutes later, the same woman wanted to know if I needed a conservatory, ‘NO!’

Five minutes later a porch! ‘NO again!’

But this time I asked for her phone number…to which she replied with a shocked “why?”… “So I can ring you at an ungodly hour of the morning about something useless, irrelevant and that you have no interest in, then I’ll proceed to ring you every ten minutes until you want to scream and rip the phone out of the wall….then you’ll know how these phone calls make me feel.”

Why are there a bunch of companies out there who think we are not intelligent enough to source what we need? If I needed a new kitchen/bathroom/windows/advice on endowment mortgages/loan reductions or accident cover, then I am more than intelligent enough to find a company, get the best deal and go ahead and get it done.

Do they think there are hundreds of people sitting in their homes saying, “crikey, we really need new windows, these are practically falling out…if only a telemarketer would ring.” They sit huddled round the phone anxiously waiting for a call….the phone rings, they snatch it up…no, disappointment, just someone selling kitchens, they have to wait again!!!

Exactly…NO! WE DO NOT!

Considering most of us have enough technology in our homes to communicate with Jupiter if we should so wish, why on earth would we not be able to phone or e-mail a couple of companies and get a quote on what we need.

I get that people need to supplement their income, I get that times are hard, so yes, we now get unproportionately high numbers of cold calling from people with second jobs. And okay, I admire the work ethic. But please people, after eight in the morning, before eight at night, take no for an answer and once someone has said ‘no’ take them off your list and never ever call them again!

Grumpy from less than three hours sleep.

We all have them don’t we, people in our lives, that no matter how busy you are, no matter what you have going on, they’ll ask for a favour. They ask how you are first, not really wanted to know of course. So we shoot ourselves in the foot by saying “fine.” when we’re anything but…and they take it as an invitation to say, “can you just …….(fill in the blank) for me, I just don’t have the time/know how/energy?”

And I mean to say “NO!” I honestly do, I mean to say; “look at me, I’ve had two hours sleep, my sweater’s on backwards, I haven’t brushed my hair, I barely know what day it is, do it yourself!”
But somehow; “sure, no problem, leave it with me,” flies out of my mouth instead.

I’m just one of those people who can’t stand to see someone go without if I can do something about it.

I’m getting better, I’m focussing my energy more on people who really need my help, it doesn’t stop people asking, I’m just trying to be better at saying “NO!”

Exhausted!

Sal xxxx