Sally's World

The kids loved this, but all parents will love it for a different reason, this is too cute xxx

I laughed until my sides hurt, the best...the absolute funniest thing, is that he thinks he's so damn cool. Honestly, when his shoes flew off, I had trouble composing myself. Superb!

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.. It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

'Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God though for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.

Let's see.... where did I put that useless tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

My kids loved this song, and when they saw this video on you tube they laughed and laughed. Deion laughed so hard I had to remind him to breathe. I love this film anyway, despite having seen it about a thousand times.

OMG this is so funny, wrong? cruel?...yes, but hilarious too!!!!

Three different people sent me this...do you think they are trying to tell me something???

I posted it, because, you know when you see something, and it really gets to you, and you find it hilarious, and every time you think of it you laugh....this did that for me.

hmm..perhaps I can relate!

I take no responsibility what so ever.......

Today, I came to realise that I may be too open with the kids. especially Deion, who can't seem to keep his mouth shut about anything!

The kids know what I do, I tell them about some of the kids I see, what they go through, how they live, the trouble they are in and whats ahead for some of them. I don't give them details, especially not when its a rape of murder case, I don't want to to give them nightmares, but it's just so they can see where that road can lead, and perhaps to make them more aware of the dangers around them.

Part of what I do means that I will go into a prison if a juvenile needs to be questioned. So today, I have to go to a prison, be escorted with a kid to the local police station where he can be interviewed, then be escorted back to prison, then I can leave.

Little did I know that Deion happily went off to school telling them that "Mummy's going to prison today!"
of course it doesn't help that he has been telling them that I go to police stations ALOT!!!

They are aware (NOW!) of what I do, thank goodness, I just hope he hasn't been telling his friends the same thing...I don't expect we'll have many friends round for tea if they tell their mum that they want to come to Deion's house, but by the way, his mum is in prison....

Kids!!! still, you gotta see the funny side!

After my 'anger' post, a friend sent me this....made me laugh out loud!

Okay, I promise, these are the last swine flu jokes, a collection of the best ones that people forwarded to Deion via e-mail and face book. I thought you might like them, they made him squeal with laughter (sorry, couldn't resist)

I called the Swine Flu hotline - all I got was crackling

The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu.
I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu - I think he's just telling porkies!

The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL ABOUT SWINE FLU DELETE IT AS ITS ONLY
SPAM.

Swine flu however, is not a problem for the pigs because
they're all going to be cured anyway!

News Flash .... This just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the
aporkalypse.

Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu.
Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.

I just heard on the news that "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?

This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal.

It is a mild hamdemic,don't believe the spam you're getting.

We didn't see this at the hospital, Deions a bit disappointed.

BY TRIANING DOGS TO GIVE MOUTH TO MOUTH, THE NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE HOPES TO CUT COSTS!

This is excellent, the kids (especially Deion) were crying with laughter!

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Easyjet," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Easyjet" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place.. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Easyjet's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who f***** up your hair?"

thought this was really good!!!

IDIOT SIGHTING 1:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McDonald's.

IDIOT SIGHTING 3:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!' I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS .

IDIOT SIGHTING 4:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING 5:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING 6:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING 7:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.'Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING 8:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING 9:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us... and they VOTE and they REPRODUCE

Here are a few facts I'm sure you always wanted to know!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the. ..?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes.... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.

By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the examand doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for thetest and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in andaround your home.

EXERCISE ONE:Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

NOW YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

The population of this country is approximately 60 million.

32 million are retired.

That leaves 28 million to do the work.

There are 17 million in school or at Universities.

Which leaves 11 million to do the work.

Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government.

Leaving 3 million to do the work.

1.2 million are in the armed forces.

Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils.

And that leaves 1 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit.

Leaving 512,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 511,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes.

Is it any wonder that we are in such a mess and that I am stressed out through trying to cope on my own?

Please warn as many women as possible

THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU...... IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER ... OR TO YOUR SISTER

I was sitting at a local outdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at my table..... I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table and wouldn't leave me alone.

I shined up my ring on my married finger, then placed my hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was not interested in them.

Luckily for me they got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on the Cafe's camera.

I'm sending you this picture as a warning.............. just in case they try and pick you up too.

Honestly, some men think they are God's gift ............................................

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