Sally's World

After I wrote about Dave yesterday, a few people e-mailed and asked me if I thought that Dave being black and me being white created problems with regards to marriage, family and parenting.

I guess we did meet with a lot of prejudice when we were first together. Still do on some level, but society as a whole is far less concerned with mixed race relationships now I think.

I used to get stereotyped A LOT…… When I was pregnant with our third child, I was at an antenatal appointment with my eldest 2, the midwife asked me if all the children were by the same father, and when I replied in the affirmative she said “oh, well done,” as if it was shocking. I resisted the urge to batter her with the baby heart monitor and said nothing.

I guess there are always going to be issues with any mixed race or religion relationship. But if it’s right, it’s worth the fight. And you really need to not care what other people think. All married couples have differences; the racial ones are just more obvious to the naked eye. No, I don’t know what it was like to experience racism on a daily basis while growing up, but on the same note, Dave has no idea what it was like to be a girl growing up. He’s not experienced sexism in any way either. So we are all different, there are always things that we cannot of experienced in the same way our partner did. But that’s one of the things that makes a relationship interesting.

I for one do not want a husband who is exactly the same as me (we’d kill each other within the week!) And I believe that children of a mixed parentage have the best of both worlds, mine do because they can be enriched in both mine and their dad’s cultures. As long as we have the same values, as long as we want the same things for our children, as long as we love each other…that’s what counts. I guess we’ll just work the rest out as we go along; it’s worked for us so far.

We fall in love with a persons heart and soul, not their skin colour.

And no, don’t worry, two people asked, but I promise I was not offended in any way, if you want to know anything about me, I will answer as openly and honestly as I can (within reason) and after all, its only my opinion, and what I believe. Although it may be different to what anyone else thinks, I am more than happy to share my thoughts with you.

Take care

Sal xxx

Today, I’m going to introduce you to my husband David.

Dave and I met over 20 years ago now, I was working behind the bar in a nightclub as a second job, and he was raving in the worst pair of shorts I’ve ever seen in my life…in his defence though…it was the eighties.

The kids still tease Dave for being stuck in the eighties because he recently bought roller skates in stead of roller blades…and Dave wasn’t too amused when the guy in the shop suggested some matching leg warmers, even though the kids thought it was hilarious.

Dave is laid back compared to my hyper. If we were both as frantic as me, the kids would probably be nervous wrecks. I joke about Dave being so laid back he’s horizontal, and I do on occasion have to check for a pulse…This however does not mean that Dave is not a high achiever. He worked in a job he was unhappy in for years as he’d never realised his dream of becoming a barrister. But when Aaron was busy fighting every day literally for survival, Dave realised he needed to settle less, and do more towards his own dreams. So he went to law school as an external student and got his law degree, and then his masters…all while doing a full time job. He had to give up work to sit the bar, then he got pupilage in a prestigious chambers in 2005.

So after eight years of hard work, Dave was called to the bar and became a fully fledged barrister. He now works in chambers and is a part time lecturer at a law school.

But that’s just a small part of who Dave is. Dave is an incredibly driven and strong person. While we were all falling apart after losing Aaron, he was the one who stood strong and held it all together. I’m not saying he didn’t...or doesn’t have his moments, but luckily they are only when I’m capable of being the strong one.

Dave is even more stubborn than me, even though he would never admit it in a million years. And he has a competitive streak that I have never seen matched. It doesn’t matter if its scrabble, football or a game of snakes and ladders, he the most unbearable winner and the worst loser…

Our children are our lives, and certainly our priority (when we’re not annihilating them at monopoly that is); we are trying to set good and strong examples for them and teach them that anything is achievable. So we work really hard, tell the kids that it’s important to achieve, and to get their education while it’s free!!! If we ever had to total the cost of Dave training late in life we’d probably slip into cardiac arrest!

If I had my choice, Dave and I would spend more quality time together. I know we had a recent weekend in Paris, the first time we’d been away together in 17 years. But in an ideal world, a few more hours to snuggle up on the sofa with a film and a glass of wine would be great.

Sal xxxxxxxxx

When Trojan opened the front door to me yesterday, I noticed that his skin looked suspiciously smooth. He insisted that he’d done nothing more than have a shave, yet it looked a little more like he’d had a facial to me…mmmm!

I felt a little insecure then, I had intended, as I do every week for the video blog, to brush my hair, slap on a bit of lipstick and make myself look half presentable. As usual, by the time I’d sorted out the kids, the cooking, washing and ironing of uniforms, answered e-mails and restored some sort of order to the house, I didn’t have time to even locate my hairbrush, let alone use it.

I can’t help feeling that it’s so much easier for men!

Well, Trojan is a few years younger than me; I guess I can’t resent his youthful complexion… I’m not bitter…honest!

Anyway, I digress,

We did the second radio blog, we spoke about what’s been going on this week, about Barack Obama being elected into the white house and what it means to us, what we feel it means to this country also. Of course, it wasn’t going to go completely smoothly, we knew that as I accidently introduced myself during the music intro.

And it wasn’t until we listened back an hour or so later that we realised we didn’t shut off the live feed and we can be heard chatting away about the blogs and various other things…thank goodness we weren’t saying anything derogatory about anyone…and we weren’t using bad language (which makes a change for us…...kidding!)

We also did our fourth video blog, a brief version of the radio blog if you like, this went well, we are getting quite good at these now, no nerves, it’s just like we’re sitting having a chat.

We did try something new, and that was a brief advert for the t-shirts, I looked a bit too serious…but I’ll expect QVC to be recruiting Trojan any time now. We had a couple of bloopers, and we left one in because it made us laugh so much and kind of depicts what we are all about, not perfection (if only) but fun and getting a message out there.

So please log on to the video and radio blogs, as usual all comments are greatly appreciated.

We’ll be back….If you want Trojans autograph, please send and SAE to……

Trojan and Sal xxx

Dave and I sat up last night watching the progress in the presidential elections. And were pleased to be able to tell the kids this morning that Barack Obama is the new president of the United States of America.

Wow…history has been made.

We spend so much time telling our children that the colour of their skin and their disabilities have no bearing on what they can achieve, that if they work hard, believe in themselves and have faith, they can achieve anything they want.

But nothing we have said over the years can have got this message across to them better than when Barack Obama stood on the podium and gave his speech. An African America elected into the oval office. He let nothing, least of all the colour of his skin stop him becoming the next president.

What better example could we have chosen to give our children this message? What better example to send to the children across the world.

xxx