Sally's World

For those of you who follow the blogs in any way, you’ll know exactly who Trojan is. For those of you who are brand new…

Trojan is a close friend of mine, and he is the one behind the whole blogging idea. We work well together because he has all the technical know how and I just have plenty to say! Trojan strongly believes in what I do with the t-shirts and the charity, and will be getting more and more involved in both those things as time goes on.

For as long as I’ve known Trojan, he has been into taking photos; he always has his camera with him and snaps away all the time. This is great for recording those memories for those of us who always forget our own cameras, or forget to use the bloody thing even if we do have it.

Of course, it’s also a bit of a pain in the arse because Trojan has a love of ‘natural shots.’ Which roughly translates into him catching people in embarrassing moments or while they are yawning or stuffing food in their mouths. And if you want to get up to anything slightly illegal/immoral, forget it if your with Trojan! It will recorded in glorious, immortal Technicolor!


I’m not going to pretend I always got it, often he’d be snapping away and I’d be all like “erm...Trojan, it’s a gate!” to which he’d just smile and continue with shots of wildlife/flowers/buildings/lampposts. But once I saw the photos and what he’d done with them, I got it. He has a great eye, and seems to be able to capture art through the camera lens. Something I admire because about 80% of the shots I take are of headless people, my own thumb or look like they are taken at midnight...in a snow storm…in gale force winds!

To show off some of his brilliant photos Trojan has a blog. It’s called Trojans Corner, and not only are the photos of the places he’s travelled brilliant, it’s a great way to find out more about him and those places. Its fun and informative, he talks about many of the things that interest him, and he has many interests and strong views and is certainly worth getting to know.


So take a look at his blog on http://trojansgallery.blogspot.com/

Take care

Sal xxx

My good friend Wendy sent me this poem today, it is wonderful, so I thought I'd share it with you.

I hope you love it as much as I did xxxxx



Dr. Maya Angelou is a remarkable Renaissance woman who is hailed as one of the great voices of contemporary literature. As a poet, educator, historian, best-selling author, actress, playwright, civil-rights activist, producer and director, she continues to travel the world, spreading her legendary wisdom. Within the rhythm of her poetry and elegance of her prose lies Angelou's unique power to help readers of every orientation span the lines of race and Angelou captivates audiences through the vigor and sheer beauty of her words and lyrics.



'MAYA ANGELOU'S'

BEST POEM EVER

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a goo d piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for
a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a feeling of control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK
AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. . whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods.... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...
AND REMEM BER: ..GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS. YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM, BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!!

Be yourself...everyone else is already taken.

I really thought we had it sorted. I thought that today, the results would be in my hand and we would be planning the next step…But once again, I was wrong.

Deion had several appointments yesterday, it was an afternoon of it, we went down to the chid development centre with an extra large picnic hamper and some books and a pack of cards, and just camped out.

First he had his multi disciplinary with his paediatrician. This is an hour long appointment where we talk about all aspects of Deion’s care, weight, height, discus any changes and so on. Obviously the lack of results after Deion’s tests came up and the doctor made a phone call then and there (excellent) he was told he’d get a ring back.

The doctor knew we would be in the building for a couple of hours, so he was going to come and find us when he knew more.

Then we saw the community nursing team, discussed Deion’s pads e.t.c

Then we saw the speech and language therapist…not that Deion has problems with his speech…far from it, but she is also the person that deals with the problems Deion has with chewing and swallowing his food and drink.

Then we saw the dietician where we have to go through Deion’s food and drink and make sure he’s getting a balance as there are many things he struggles to eat now.

And after all that, we still didn’t get a call back. I heard our doctor leave all my numbers, and his own mobile with the relevant person; I heard them promise to call him back. And I really thought that because it was another professional, and not merely a neurotic mum (yep! that would be me!) that they would have called him back.

I guess we’re back to the kneecapping option then!!!!

Thank you for your e-mails and comments on the ‘be careful what you wish for blog.’ Mostly people were supportive of what I said, but one or two people either disagreed or misunderstood me. This is fine of course; I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, I just am giving my own opinion. In fact, I’d worry if everyone agreed; it’s certainly not what I’m used to indoors!



I would just like to clarify two things:

Firstly, I do not think that a child has to be a wheelchair user to qualify for any special needs services. Not at all, many of the special needs children I know are not wheelchair users. I am fully aware of the huge array of special needs that do not affect mobility. So I can assure you this is not what I meant at all. All families who have children with any kind of special needs are entitled to all the services available.

Secondly, no, I didn’t literally mean that any parent who claims to have a special needs child when they don’t deserves a disabled child. I also don’t think having a disabled child should have such negative connotations either; I believe we should be grateful for all our children and recognise their perfection regardless of special needs. And once again, it’s not about the parents it’s about the child. I merely meant that people should be grateful that they have healthy families and don’t have to worry about hospital appointments/physiotherapy/occupational therapy/speech therapy/feeding clinics/incontinence clinics/wheelchair clinics/child psychology/dieticians/adaptations/equipment and everything else that goes along with special needs. I think that many parents don’t understand the implications of special needs, and as rewarding as it is, it certainly turns your life upside down.

My point was, none of us, when we are pregnant sit there and pray for a disabled child, we may say we’d like a boy or a girl, but I’ve never heard anyone hope or wish for cerebral palsy or autism. The reality is we adore all our children regardless, but healthy, happy babies are what we wish for.



So, yes, all families need help, yes there may be many issues with pensions, benefits, housing and services in general. But it is an undeniable fact that not everyone is honest, and this has a big impact on the benefits and services that are available.

But I’m glad you asked… It is interesting to see how differently people feel,or what they get out of the blogs I write. and I will always clarify anything I have said.

So keep e-mailing and giving your comments,

Take care,

Sal xxx

Now, Deion is of an age where he might want some independence from me. As much as I hate to admit it, he is growing up. There are various clubs and activities for special needs children and children in wheelchairs within the borough. There are also some services that would make his life a little easier.

I decided to find out about this and spoke to the relevant department within Lewisham council. I had to write in and actually refer Deion as a disabled child within the borough; I then had to fill in several lengthy forms. I guess I just presumed that Deion was on the system…but it’s a different system.

Then, yesterday, I had to have a family support worker from disabled services come out to the house to meet Deion and interrogate...sorry...interview me (for two hours)to make sure I wasn’t telling fibs…I kid you not.

The guy was perfectly helpful; he was actually quite apologetic because it is very obvious that everything I said on the forms was correct. I did say that I felt that the system was slightly over the top, it all seemed a bit much just to find out about a few services that Deion should probably have been getting for years anyway.

I had also already provided a list of all the professionals involved in Deion’s care, from neurologists, to physios, to the GP…any one of them could have confirmed the facts.

He did explain though, that in cases like ours, it seems over the top, but there are so many people that abuse the system, it is necessary. I guess this is the problem. There are thousands of people out there claiming all sorts of services and benefits for children who are not actually disabled. He even quoted a few cases some statistics…it was quite scary.

This is where the problem lies; it is the people that abuse the system who make it hard for the families that really need the services. It is incredible to think that a parent would say their child is disabled when they are not, there are some that do it for attention, some that do it for significance, some do it for money, or to get something for free. Perhaps they feel that as the system is flawed in other areas, they make up for it this way. But it’s simply wrong.

So because of those people, there are kids missing out, and at the very least there are parents having to jump through hoops just to get the relevant information.

A certain saying springs to mind “be careful what you wish for.”

Now, if Deion’s lucky, within six weeks, they should write back to me and tell me if Deion qualifies for any disabled services…I won’t be holding my breath though!

Take care, have a great day

Sal xxx

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a good weekend.

We got together again yesterday for our twelfth video blog. We spoke about people that influence and inspire us, we had five separate categories i.e. family, friend, historical figure e.t.c. and had to name one person in each category.

This is not as easy as you might think…first of all, when put on the spot, ones mind tends to go blank (well mine does any way) and secondly, it is hard to pick just one as so many people influence us over the years, sometimes in the most unexpected places and ways!

Well, rather than try and explain it all, you can have a watch/laugh/cringe/whatever!

This week, my daughter Robyn came with me to see how it all works, and she got roped in to a short blog on her visit to the studio (a.k.a Trojans bedroom), she acted all shy and sweet in front of the camera…but we know her better, so we'll drag her more aggressive side out another time. Now she wants to come again and has lots of ideas for blogs. So watch this space, we’ve created a monster!

Have a great week, hope you enjoy our videos.

Trojan, Sally and Robyn xxx

I am feeling a tad poorly today.

Somehow, all the planets aligned correctly last night to allow Dave and I some time alone! Our nephew was free, Dave was in from work, no one was poorly…hurray! So Dave and I got to go to the cinema to see James bond's Quantum of Solace. We’ve heard mixed reviews, but loved Casino Royale, and hey, let’s face it, even if the film was rubbish, how bad can it be to have to watch Daniel Craig run around the screen for an hour and a half, right?

I have been waiting to see the film for ages, and it was only on late night showing, but we were going to get there. We were even going to get something to eat first…result!

Well, it was a result all right, just not the one I expected. we got to the restaurant, I ordered a king prawn dish, it came out looking great, smelling great, I tasted the sauce…lovely, then I bit into a prawn and screwed up my face. Dave asked me what was wrong…so I told him that the prawn tasted funny and offered one to him...to which he declined…funny that, “hey Dave this is really disgusting,” I said, “try it”…then I was confused when he said “no.”…go figure!

Dave’s meal was fine, but after tasting another prawn (just to be sure), I couldn’t eat mine. I was gutted, I’d been so hungry. I did send it back uneaten, I was told they had sold many of the dishes through the evening, and had no complaints, although he did tell me they are partially cooked earlier, and then re-cooked when ordered. Maybe this is okay at five or six o’clock in the evening, but not at 10pm. I don’t know, I’m no expert, maybe this is standard cooking procedure, but whatever way you look at it, I paid for an inedible meal.

We were offered free dessert, which was fine, and the obscene mountain of sticky toffee pudding with home made vanilla ice-cream did get rid of the prawn taste. I even put the slightly sicky feeling in my tummy down to the excess of dessert.

The film was, however, great, Dave didn’t enjoy it quite as much as me, and it had nothing to do with Daniel Craig!

But then I spent the night in the bathroom, and now the prawns are repeating on me, I’ll probably not be able to eat another prawn for a very long time. So I feel a tad tender today, and I’m trying hard and failing to stay hydrated.

I have rung the restaurant and told them, of course apologies and offers of free meals were offered (and declined). I was assured they would be making adjustments and ensuring their prawns were fine. Good grief, one would think this was standard procedure.

I’m off to wallow on the sofa for a while,

Hope your days a little better than mine so far,

Sal xxx

I got a couple of e-mails yesterday after I posted the blog about Deion’s test results. Thank you for those. I am both grateful to you for the support, and sorry that you are in a similar position.

At least I know it’s not just me I guess, I was started to get paranoid there!

It seems that keeping parents in the dark is the standard procedure. After all, we are merely the people who have to love and care for our children, we are merely the people who have to plan every aspect of their lives, their care, their schooling, their future basically.

So I guess it is understandable that we are considered the last people that need to know what, if anything is wrong with our children....

I hope you hear soon too, I’m getting to the point where I’m going to take a flask of coffee and a sleeping bag and move into the doctor’s office to get noticed!

Maybe I’ll see you there...bring cake!

Sal xxx

Well Trojan and I had our first salsa class since Christmas last night, and as usual it was brilliant.

At first I was a little worried that I might have forgotten some of the steps, but was thrilled when it all came back and we flew through the class with grace and finesse…well, sort of!!! I stepped on no-ones toes, I head butted no-one. Bloody hell, I must be getting good.

We did so well, that after our own class and our cool down session, Trojan and I though we’d take a leap into the advanced class…we were feeling good, we thought we could handle it. So we lined up for the warm up, our heads held high, proud that were were daring enough to try. It started with a few of the steps we already knew…cool! Then suddenly the teacher spun around, walked backwards across the floor with some complicated footwork, did a couple of complicates steps, a spinny thing (that’s a technical term) and somehow ended up back in the starting position.

Trojan and I stared at her dumbfounded for a minute, looked at each other in horror and then Trojan said “I don’t think we’re ready for this class,”…
“Maybe next week” I said.
To which Trojan nodded…
Of course we were both thinking ‘yeah right, maybe next millennium!’

We headed straight for the bar (this we’ve mastered the art of…no problem) and I don’t think anyone noticed us sneaking away from the group…although there were a group of people near by, and one of them had obviously just told a really funny joke judging by the way they were falling about laughing…

No, I’m joking, its not the sort of place where people judge you, or laugh if you go wrong, they are very kind, and very patient.

We are going out to a family dinner on Friday, and have sort of dared each other to do a few salsa moves!!! Oh well, lets just hoped we’re not disowned by the end of the night!!!

What I did do today was watch our salsa video blog and realise we have already come a long way from this, but if you fancy a giggle, then feel free to watch!

Maybe we should take a camera on Friday and do a before and after shoot!!!

Take care

Sal & Trojanxxx

A mixture of emotions for me today. I went to a funeral this afternoon. The mum of one of my close friends passed away just before Christmas. Her name was Sylvia Leigh and I’ve known her for about eleven years.

She was a lovely lady, who adored her family and grandchildren. And somehow Aaron got adopted into that circle too. When we first met her, it was at a children’s birthday party, and as her grandchildren were calling her Nan, Aaron just thought he would to, he used to call her Grandma Leigh, and no-one ever thought it was in the least bit strange.

The first time he met her he went to give her one of his hugs, and as anyone who has ever had one of these hugs knows…its no lovey dovey, light hearted hug we’re talking about, we’re talking full on squeeze you to death, pop out your eyeballs, strangle hold here. “Be careful Aaron,” I warned him….”oh I’m not as fragile as I look,” she said defiantly… “I know, but you’ll see” I said smiling…and he hugged her. Only after she turned a deep shade of purple did she laugh and say “fair enough.”

When we were first fundraising for Aaron, despite being in her eighties, she got stuck in, raised quite a bit of money, even went on the radio to promote our bungee jump. I think perhaps someone forgot to tell her she was getting on a bit. Luckily we talked her out of the jump itself….

So her funeral today was mixed emotions for lots of reasons. Obviously there is some sadness at saying goodbye to old friends, then of course, there’s the knowledge that Aaron has another one of his grandmas’ up there with him…I’m sure they’ll be causing havoc together. The songs were two that make me think of Aaron every single time…’somewhere over the rainbow’ and ‘in the arms of the angels’. Needless to say, I blubbed for England.

And the crematorium service was all a little too close to home. The coffin looked so small; it made me wonder how small Aarons looked! Then one of my godchildren got up to speak about her nan and couldn’t get through it, so her dad had to step in and help her, listening to her sob was heartbreaking. But I kept trying to remind myself that, as I was saying the other day, it is a true measure of how much they love their nan and how loved by her they all are.

I was a little shell shocked afterwards, because I don’t remember that much about that part of Aaron’s funeral, I remember staring at his casket dreading the moment when it would go out of sight. People must have been sobbing all around us then too, I just don’t remember it all that much.

It is the first funeral I have attended since Aaron’s and it was going to be hard. But I wanted to be there, it was important to pay my respects and to be there for my friends and my god children.

So this is me saying rest in peace Grandma Leigh, you will be thought of fondly and often.

p.s. don’t let Aaron talk you into doing anything too mad.

xxxxx

Hi everyone, Happy New Year. We hope you all had a great Christmas and the hangovers are all totally gone!

I apologise for my absence in all the blogs, we were away visiting family and everywhere we went there was some sort of computer problem, so after losing about twenty blogs…I sort of left it alone. It was lovely to get away, but I did miss the blogging, its become such a great way of getting my thoughts down and off my chest, and also getting some feedback and support for me too.

I went over Trojan's last night and we did our first three (yep, we got carried away after not doing one for so long) video blogs of 2009. Firstly there was a Happy New Year Message that we intended to talk about our hopes and aspirations for 2009, but sort of veered off into talking about new years resolutions and Trojan hinting at something very rude…my lips are sealed on the matter (unless the price is right!!)



We also spoke about my Anthony Robbins experience, as I was lucky enough to go to one of his seminars while we were away, you can find out more, and how helpful it is by watching the blog and reading the written blog too. Of course that was going to be an interview style thing, but it turns out I was still pretty fired up about it and all Trojan could do was step aside and let me rant (makes a change then!)



Thirdly we spoke about different messages we have received and how people who have passed let us know they are still about and watching over us. We chose this subject because a friend recently visited a medium and got a message from a very stubborn Aaron!!! Nice to know he hasn't changed!!!



So we hope you enjoy them, and again thank you for your support, your e-mails and comments. please, keep sending them.

Have a great week,

Sal and Trojan xxxx

Tony Robbins

Something Dave and I did while we were away was to go to an Anthony Robbins seminar. It was brilliant, insightful and exhausting. And it allowed me to let go of some of the guilt I feel over losing Aaron, even though I didn’t know I was carrying it…if that makes any sense.

We went to our first Anthony Robbins seminar a few months after Aaron passed away. I was still at that angry stage of loss and grief when I wanted to punch out complete strangers for looking even slightly happy…because how could anyone be happy, did they not realise that Aaron was gone??? Going to the seminar, helped me let go of some of that anger, and I will be eternally grateful for that. Of course at the time, I didn’t realise there was too much more to it that anger, as that was all encompassing at the time!

I know that motivational speakers, life coaches e.t.c. are not everyone cup of tea, and I respect that. I also believe that whatever will help someone, give someone some peace of mind, some motivation, is a good thing. If I decided that to help with the grief, I wanted to spray myself pink and run around the block naked, there are those that would talk me out of it, laugh even. And those who would ask me what shade of pink I wanted and help me get an even coat as not to embarrass myself with a streaky paint job! I of course would be in the later category for any of my friends.

So while we were talking about life, what drives us, what makes us happy, sad e.t.c. I realised that I had some feelings of guilt about losing Aaron. I guess as a mum I felt that my main job was to keep my children safe. So I also felt like I’d failed because I didn’t do that. Of course any intelligent person knows that at some point in our lives, we will lose someone we love…but intelligence doesn’t come into the grieving process all that much!

I know, I know… using logic, I understand that things were totally out of my control, Aarons condition was nothing I could have done anything about, and I kept on telling myself I did all I could, and I know in my heart that I did, we all did, we kept Aaron fighting as long as he could, I know this in my mind…again, logic, intelligence…of no use to us here!!!

The reality is, is that Aaron still passed away and deep down, I think I should have been able to do something about that.

I know that anyone I know and love, anyone who knows Aaron will be reading this and may be a little surprised. And for that reason, I considered what I was going to write. But the best thing I can do, the most honest thing, the thing that may be able to help anyone else coping with loss, is to just tell it as it is, to put my feeling out there and let you make of them what you will.

For a long time I felt like I had failed Aaron, Dave, the kids in some way by not keeping Aaron safe..here, and in coping with that I began to control everything else in my life, Dave and the kids mainly, but also the housework, the amount of work I did, the writing, the company, the charity. I had to over achieve in every way to satisfy to myself that I wasn’t a failure. I failed in one thing, the most important thing, so I could allow myself another failure, no matter how small. It was a mixture of fear of losing everyone and the need to be in charge, to make myself indispensible, to make sure I was the most important and significant thing…that was my own way of insuring I kept everyone close and safe.

The insomnia, the two hours a night, were in some way a self punishment for me. It was me feeling like I didn’t deserve to get lots of lovely sleep. After all, if I failed Aaron, why would I be sleeping soundly at night? It is really amazing what our subconscious mind talks our body into isn’t it. That’s another reason I never spent time on myself, never allowed myself to relax and just do something for me.

Of course in doing this, not only was it hard to keep up for everyone around me, it wasn’t helping. In fact in acting so possessively, being so shattered, I was shutting off a part of myself to everyone. In my quest not to feel the loss, not to ever have to feel the loss again, I was shutting of the fun, spontaneous part of me that makes me the ‘kick arse’ mum and wife/friend/sister/daughter that I am. (Modest…who me???)

Someone called Alex at the seminar (a grief councillor), gave me the best analogy, it helped me more than I can say and helped me get things into perspective.

I’m going to share it, and if it helps one person in some small way, it will be worth it.

Alex drew me three glass jars, all the same size…each jar depicting my life.
He drew a big red balloon in the first one, completely filling the jar. The red balloon depicted all that is Aaron, his love, his life, the grief…all mixed up together, as it inevitably is. My life as it is now!
In the second jar, he drew a smaller balloon, depicting time passing, the balloon getting smaller.
In the third jar a tiny balloon in the bottom of the jar.
This was exactly what I was afraid off. I had somehow got mixed up, that in feeling the pain and grief less acutely, I was letting all the good stuff go too, that everything about Aaron would diminish.
Then Alex drew me three red balloons in a row, all the same size, all depicting Aaron and all that is Aaron.
Then he drew a jar so the first balloon filled it. My life as it is now!
The second jar was bigger, the third bigger still.
The jars were now depicting MY life and the life of all of us being bigger and richer and more.
Our love and feelings for Aaron and the loss didn’t have to diminish; of course that’s why the balloons were all the same size. Our lives just had to grow around them.

This simple analogy allowed me to foresee a different and better future.

This seems over simple, but it does explain how I feel. I am so terrified that by letting go of the grief, I let go of it all. But I don’t need to, I need to understand that to feel the grief means that I must have loved and been loved fully and undeniably. We all need to know that Aaron and everything that goes with him, the love, the laughter, the adventures, and yes, the grief, stays, it always will, I don’t have to set myself goals of the pain easing, instead I need to embrace life, love, adventures and in doing that, the grief wont be so all consuming.

But I also don’t feel like I have to work to a timescale, live by a set of rules that tell me how to go on with life. Really I just need to let life go on around me, embrace it, and allow myself to feel whatever I need. Feeling grief is what makes us human, if we didn’t care, we didn’t love, we wouldn’t grieve. So I for one am glad I can grieve, because it is the measure of my love.

I have no idea if this makes sense to anyone, if it will help anyone. But it has helped me, Dave and the kids. I guess its how we associate with grief. I will miss Aaron every single day for the rest of my life, but, I will not allow that grief to diminish Aaron’s memory. Aaron would not want me to be miserable, to turn our lives into a military run exercise, rather than the adventure we used to treat it as.

So I learned a lot, whether I wanted to or not. I feel like I and move forward in a different way now, allowing to love and to be loved, allowing the children to grow and let out their own personalities. We are planning our next adventure, and I know Aaron would be very proud; in fact I can almost hearing laughing in my head now (but not in a hearing voices, need to be committed way, I hastily add).

I also have been sleeping six, even seven hours some nights…incredible. I’ll be taking the piss next and having a lay in! and Dave tells me off every time I moan about there really being less hours in the day “poor, poor you,” he whines back at me, “fancy getting some sleep, its terrible.” to which I kindly reply “naff off.” but he has a point.

Well, for anyone who ever has the chance, Anthony Robbins is an experience and a half. It’s not for everyone, but it certainly helped us. So if you want to know more, just ask, I’d be happy to point you in the right direction, even recommend some of his books. He doesn’t sell himself as some mystical guru. He’s just an ordinary guy who has seen a lot, learned a lot and has found some great ways of making people achieve their potential. We’ll be going back and taking as many people with us as we can.

Better go, it must be nap time!!!

Take care

Sal xxxx

I’m so proud!!! Deion went to bed tonight, but he didn’t just waste his time daydreaming about computer games and his Christmas presents. He used his time productively to do maths sums. He was practicing his times tables and his adding up. What a genius.

How proud/smug I was when he announced that he ‘was doing maths sums mum!’ as I said goodnight on my way past his room. No way could I moan at him about still being awake now!

“What a good boy,” I said

“Yep!” I’ve figured out that in my life I’ve had approximately nine thousand seven hundred and forty two poops!!!”

What????

I was speechless, unsure of what to say, I just said, “well done Deion, what good maths.”

He went on to tell me that he timed the number of times he goes with the days, weeks, years e.t.c. then continued to tell me that as I am always telling him he is above average, he added a couple extra…ingenious!

“Do you want me to work out how many times you’ve been mum?” he asked.

“No thanks,” I said weakly.

Well Robyn and Jordan heard, and were falling about laughing, and proceeded to help Deion work out how many times various family members have used the toilet.

Its all maths I guess, but sometimes that’s just too much information. Let’s just hope they don’t announce their results to their Grandma, that should be a fun announcement.

Take care

Sal xxx

Hi Everyone,

Just a very quick blog to say "HAPPY NEW YEAR" wishing all of you a happy, healthy, prosperous and exciting new year.

We are very excited about where 2009 will take us with regards to the blogs, the charity and even our salsa!!!

All the very best to you all...now go and nurse those hangovers!

Sal and Trojan xxx

Now, as you may know from some of the photos you’ve seen already, I quite like tattoos, they are expressive, pretty and feminine (if the subject matter is right) and I already have a couple. My younger brother Danny is a tattoo artist and while we were away he tattooed a portrait of Aaron for me, I think you’ll agree that it came out really lovely, it’s so accurate it’s scary and I love it. It’s made a couple of people cry, and I can’t stop looking at it in the mirror.

But then we got carried away. Because the one of Aaron didn’t hurt, and because I have some on my back, spine, inside my wrist, that also didn’t hurt, I decided to got for a foot and ankle one. I wanted an image of the type of lilies we scattered with Aarons ashes…and as you can see, its lovely…but OH MY GOD!!!!

Danny warned me it feels different on the foot. And okay, I was a little nervous about some of the stories I’ve heard…but I wasn’t quite prepared, I was gripping the chair so hard I had the imprint of it on my hands, and only when Danny had to remind me to breathe every now and again did I realise I was holding my breath. ‘I thought I was hard’ I wailed to Danny’s laughter!

I let the kids watch the other one, so they all sat watching Danny outline some lilies across the top of my foot. After a minute I smiled sweetly, and then asked them to go and play so I could swear under my breath a few times. I didn’t think my language was so bad, but Danny said something about tattooing sailors and listening to less cussing!!! Then Danny just shrugged when I said he’d hit the bone, after all, he is an artist and it’s about getting the picture right, not lessening the pain.

After two hours, it was finished, and I wanted to cry, but looking down at it, I was more than happy and would gladly (sadly) do it again. Maybe not without an epidural though!

So I am pleased, Dave thinks they are lovely too, and of course, Aaron is the centre of attention, just as he knew he should be.

Sal and Aaron xxx

Sorry, I know I said I’d be back the other day, but I’m having trouble getting in the right time zone. I’ve been getting a bit more sleep lately too as I went and got all chilled out, so now there really are less hours in the day. Now, I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m complaining, and as Dave and my brothers said when I complained after feeling groggy from my first night of five hours sleep, “that’s how you’re supposed to feel when you wake up you dozy cow…you’re not supposed to go from sleep to wonder woman in a tenth of a second.” Well that was news to me.

I’ve loaded a few photos for you, this is my family, and we had a brilliant Christmas. But I mean it is us...so not all ran smoothly, my brother insisted on frying the turkey, not something I heard of, but big in America, and after all the fuss I made, it almost burnt me to admit that it was delicious, non-greasy and best of all only took and hour and a quarter to fry and twenty three pound bird. I wanted to raid the kitchen and see what else we could fry, veggies, chocolate, the toaster…but they wouldn’t let me. Such spoil sports.

By the time the kids had finished opening presents it looked like we lived in a toy shop, and I have to say, kids toys are getting better and better. My nephews got the guitar hero for the wii and Dave was the one on his back on the floor, spinning around in circles like a demented rock star….his excuse was that ‘you have to show the kids how its done’ I guess my brother was just grateful he didn’t smash it into the TV or set it alight.


We ate too much, drank too much, fell off of skateboards and almost ran Dave over in the golf cart, but generally it was great. We were sorry to leave, even if my brothers breathed a huge sigh of relief at our departure.

But joking aside, it is hard having family so far away. It’s not so bad because we have e-mail, phone, facebook and of course blogging, but it’s not the same as being able to give the kids cuddles when we like. Its lovely to go and stay and have quality time together, and the kids just slip right back into it as if they’ve never been apart. Everyone just gets so big while we’re gone.


So we are looking forward to getting back out there getting some sunshine and seeing our old friend Mickey Mouse…

Take care

Sal, Dave, Aaron, Jordan, Robyn, Deion, Garry, Claire, Zoe, harry, Connor, Lilly, Danny, Kelly, Rhys, Lewis and Tyler xxxxxxxxxxx

Well, we’re home after a lovely holiday in Orlando and some lovely family times together over Christmas and the lead up to it. We did a lot of swimming, said ‘Hi’ to Mickey Mouse (he never seems to age!) and ate our body weight in ice cream regularly!

It was a little harsh landing to the solitary stingy one degree weather though. To think ten hours previously we were all sitting by the pool sipping cool drinks in the ninety degree heat!!! (non-alcoholic…of course!!!)

I’m almost over the jet lag, and almost back on British time (if I ever was on such a thing in the first place!). And now the kids have finally let me on one of the computers after catching up with their friends/downloading ring tones/synchronising i-pods.

I’m not going to go into to much detail now, I have lots of news, lots of photos and one of the best things is that I got some great insight into some of the reasons about how I hold onto the grief about Aaron and all that surrounds that.

So I’m off to get some sleep now, tomorrow I’ll start posting some photos and blogging. I would have done more while we were away, but everywhere we went there were problems with the computers, so after the first couple of attempts, I gave up and decided it was a sign, so now you’ll be sick of me again in no time!

Take care

Sal xxx

Well, we jet off early in the morning, so keeping with the holiday theme, the video blog this week is about where we have been that we love, and where we would go if we had the chance. Look out for Trojans little jibe about me being past clubbing!! Hmmm!! And he cheated…he picked two places…

I’ll be keeping a ‘travel blog,’ while we’re away, and I’ll try to get on once or twice a week to talk about what we’ve been up to. Deion’s been getting chest infections and colds quite a lot lately, so we are hoping a bit of sunshine will put an end to that, then I may even be able to talk Dave into moving somewhere hot permanently…wouldn’t that be good.

I’ll be back as soon as I’m over the jet lag!

Take care

Sally and Trojan xxx

I’ve had my hair cut, I love it, but I was worried it made my eyes look too close together…what do you think?







Maybe it’s my teeth that look big...








Or my forehead seems huge, maybe a fringe would look better?????









Trojan discovered another thing on his ‘super computer’ so like the grown ups we are…we had lots of fun with it…we laughed until we cried, and it was the best medicine after the week we’ve just had. Some of the photos were hilarious, and even while I was saying “the kids would love this” I was thinking if I had it on my own pc, they probably wouldn’t get a look in.




Just thought we’d share…

Trojan and Sal xxx

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the lovely e-mails and messages you sent for us all on Friday. Your words were a great comfort to us all. Aaron must be thrilled to know he is widely remembered, sorely missed and touching the hearts of new people all over the world every day. He would expect nothing less of course!

Sal xxxx

This is something I wrote for Aaron In the darkest days after his passing….it really makes me realise how far I have come in three years, so at times when I think I am at stand still, in those times when I think the pain will never ease, this can remind me that I am doing okay, we all are, we are living and laughing and loving. This gives me hope, and I’ve never shared it with anyone before, but because I think it may give someone else in a similar situation hope too, I’m sharing it now…

"I fight my way out of a groggy sleep. I open my eyes and blink in the darkness of the room. It’s still dark outside, but something must have woken me. I can’t hear a sound, but I have a feeling that something isn’t right. I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

Then, suddenly, in a split second, any remnants of peace are shattered as I realise what it is. My heart plummets in my chest, my breathing quickens, and a physical pain shoots through my body.

Then time goes into slow motion.

I pull back the covers and climb out of bed, I run downstairs and into your bedroom. I know I’m running, but it takes forever, I feel like I’m in a dream, a nightmare, running and getting nowhere.

If only it was a dream Aaron.

After an eternity I reach your bed so I can hold you and cuddle you. If I just see one of your special smiles everything will be okay, once I get one of your extra tight hugs everything will be okay, I look in your bed, and I know then that its not going to be okay, because you’re not there, you’re not there snuggled in your cosy bed where you should be.

You really have gone.

I climb into your bed and curl up in your dolphin quilt; I bury my face in your pillow and breathe in your special smell.

And then I sob, because I don’t know how I can learn to live without you Aaron, you defined me in so many ways and you made me who I am. I don’t know what to do, I want to scream with the unfairness of it all. But I know that won’t help, nothing will help, because nothing can bring you back to me.

I cry until my throat is raw and I feel my heart will break, and that’s where I stay until your daddy and your brothers and sister gently shake me awake in the morning.

I can see that they’ve been crying too, because they all miss you as much as I do.

We will love you always our darling Aaron,

Mummy xxxx"

Life is very different to this now, I no longer dread sleep because this is what I have to face in the morning, and Aaron’s room isn’t a shrine. I don’t think that’s what he would have wanted. We will never move on, we will never have closure, or any of those other dreadful cliché’s you hear a million times a day after you lose someone. But we have accepted that Aaron is with us in a different way.

The love doesn’t change, it’s stronger than ever.

xxxx

We got a letter home form Robyn’s school today. Now I realise, that for many parents this would send a chill through their hearts and they would close their eyes for a moment before opening it to read what their son/daughter had been up to, all at the same time as picturing the grounding/punishment they would be dishing out.

Not for us though, Robyn often gets letters home telling us that she’s done well in a test or handed in an exceptional piece of homework. This one was congratulating us because one of Robyn’s teachers has nominated her for ‘pupil of the half term’ for her exceptional attitude to learning, and her consistently excellent quality of class and homework.

So we are a very proud mummy and daddy today. We always are, but this is proper ‘gloat at parents evening/to all our friends and family’ stuff.

Robyn reads these blogs, so this is to say, “Well done Robyn, we are very, very proud of you, keep up the hard work. And if play your cards right, I bet you can wrap daddy round your little finger and get something really cool…as long as its not too short, too grown up or in the shape of make-up!!!!”

Bursting with pride

Sal x

As I have mentioned already. Aaron would have been seventeen on Friday 5th December. Needless to say this is a rather emotional week for me. So rather than try to skim over it, or stick a bright smile on my face and say everything is fine, as is often the tendency. I have written about it and been as honest as I can.

In that vein, Trojan and I got together yesterday and did our weekly video blog about loss, coping with loss and the importance of remembering those we love. We ran over time, and that is why Trojan split it into two videos rather that edit, it isn't the sort of subject you can cut short.

Everyone who knows Aaron has their own way of remembering him, their own way of wishing him a happy birthday. The same way as we all have a way of remembering those who have passed on.

I know some people find it too painful to remember, and that is fine, there are no right and wrongs, no rule books, and grieving is a completely personal thing.

For me, it is the memories that keep me going, all the good stuff is mixed up in there with the bad stuff, the good memories far outweigh the bad. So for me, remembering Aaron’s smile, and the love in his eyes, his hugs, his cheeky laugh, that’s what makes me carry on, that’s what pushes me on to leave a legacy for him with the t-shirts, the charity and the books.

He will be in the hearts and minds of those who knew him forever, but I am determined that for generations to come, Aaron will be passing on his special love and generous spirit.

He is mummy’s Angel xxxxxxxxxxxxx

As today is World Aids Day Trojan and I were talking about it and what it means to people all around the world. And not just Aids, all terminal illnesses, and how those illnesses affect the family, friends and the carers as well as the sufferer.

So this is a video blog to acknowledge that suffering and to remind people to do all they can. It is too easy to get caught up in our own lives and our own problems, and to be oblivious to the fact that there are people suffering, families grieving and suffering, and in some cases whole communities and countries suffering.

Take care, do all you can,

Sal and Trojan xxx