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Our Angel!
Thursday, 5 March 2009
Our Angel!
Today is the third anniversary of the day that our angel Aaron passed away.
I have purposely tried to stay extra busy for the last few days, and this is really saying something for someone who’s already so hyper they make coffee nervous!!
I’ve just tried to keep my mind off of the date and the significance of the day. Of course, it doesn’t really work all that well and my heart slams into the pit of my stomach every now and then when my mind wanders back to that moment three years ago, the very moment when I knew we’d lost Aaron and I thought the world would end.
I know we’ve come a very long way in three years. When I think back to the first few days when I had to remind myself to breathe even, then the first few weeks when I couldn’t function or get my clothes on the right way round, and the first few months when I couldn’t shut my eyes because of the image imprinted there, for fear of that first second of waking when the loss hit me all over again, from the nights just sobbing quietly into my pillow so I didn’t wake anyone else…to slowly learning to function, even to smile and eventually laugh….laugh for real, not just putting on a front for the sake of everyone else.
Yes, we’ve all come a huge way, I still have bad days where the longing is so great I can’t catch my breath, but for the most part I cannot help but smile and feel gratitude for Aaron and the amazing time we had together. I doubt as long as I live will I ever meet another person as incredible as Aaron. I have never seen his determination and zest for life matched. How can we regret being part of that!
But it is on days like today, the anniversaries, the birthdays’, Christmas… that those tears are so close to the surface, it is unavoidable. It will probably always be that way.
But even if I knew back then what it was going to be like, even if I knew back then that we would one day lose Aaron, if I knew
the pain we’d have to go through, I’d still have done it, and I wouldn’t have done it any differently.
I don’t have a single regret. There are too many years of love, days of fun, too many moments of laughter and madness for us to hold on to, to have any regrets!
How privileged I am to be a mummy to such an incredible boy!!!
As always Aaron, I love you more and more each passing day, I’ll send a special balloon up to heaven for you today, so look out for it.
Mummy xxxxx
5 March 2009 at 14:07
I shed some tears today for both you and for Aaron. You're an inspiration to us mommies of the world. Put one foot in front of the other, don't forget to breathe and make something good happen in the world. Right? Thanks for sharing your story. Many blessings to you and your family today and forever.
5 March 2009 at 14:18
My heart trembles for the sorrow you have known. How blessed you were to have such a wonderful little boy and how blessed he was to have such a loving Mommy. I am sending warm hugs your way and a prayer that God bless your family.
5 March 2009 at 15:15
I have never experienced loss on this scale, and I hope that I never do. You have shown great strength during the last three years. I have no words of comfort that could be of any consequence, so I will turn to greater scribes then I, and give you a quote from one of my favorite movies "The Lord of the Rings" that sums up my thoughts on the matter of death and loss.
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.
5 March 2009 at 18:34
I remember how hard those first few years after my son died were. Unbearable comes to mind. There are still times, after almost ten years of him being gone, that I'll think of something and wish he were here with me just for a minute. But on those days that I know are harder, his birthday, the day he died, I've tried to turn those days into a celebration of his life. I've learned to not let the grief overcome me but to share with others the memories I have of my precious son.
My daughter and I usually go out to dinner and share a piece of cake on my sons birthday and we talk about the things he liked to do. It makes us smile to remember the good times.
My heart goes out to you today. I know how hard it can be. Know that he loves you...and misses you as much as you miss him...
5 March 2009 at 18:54
I'm glad I could make you smile. Please feel the big hug I'm sending you through cyberspace. Aaron was so lucky to be loved by such a warm, caring mum.
5 March 2009 at 19:20
My heart goes out to you...I think you are doing the right thing by remembering the times you had with him. Children are a gift we are given and every moment we have with them is one to be cherished. Im sure that Aaron is looking down on you and your family and sending you guys all big hugs!!! And Im sure he will be waiting for that balloon...thats such an awesome idea!! *hugz* to you my friend
5 March 2009 at 20:40
Aaron was very lucky to have you for a mom. I am sending you giant hugs across the ocean.
5 March 2009 at 20:54
My thoughts are with you today. Aaron sounds like an incredible son. And you, an incredible mom.
Thank you for sharing this post with all of us.
5 March 2009 at 20:57
There is no better or greater job on this earth then to be a mom. Angles touch our hearts every day and you have touched mine.Joy follows sorrow and life gets better as we move on, but we never forget the sorrow. hugs from me to you...
5 March 2009 at 23:18
Thank you so much everyone for your beautiful words of love and support, it has been a long day, I held it together for the kids, now everyone is asleep and I can breathe out and let it all go.
I want you all to know how much strength I got from the comments...thank you xxxx
6 March 2009 at 00:25
Wow, what an incredible post. My prayers are with you. You sound like a wonderful Mum.
Thank you for sharing your story and thanks for stopping by our place today..
Blessings...
6 March 2009 at 00:44
Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am so sorry for your loss. You are inspiring in that you took on the challenge with all the love in your heart and didn't give up.
6 March 2009 at 00:45
I am so sorry for your loss! It is awesome that you were able to share this experience! Prayers for you and your family!
6 March 2009 at 00:56
Re question: It has been a long time sense I was 14.If she is easily scared of things that go bump in the dark this may not be the book for her. My 13 year old grandson is reading them and is hooked. I just got stared on New Moon.I like these books because Stephanie Meyer's doesn't use "SEX' to spice them up. The story itself carries the reader into another place.. other then the bedroom. I would think your daughter is old enough to decide if these books are over her head or not. Count your blessings. My kids wouldn't pick up a book at 14 As adults they all love to read.
Could be because mom always had her face in a book ! lol
6 March 2009 at 01:46
Sally, I cannot begin to imagine the loss you and your family experienced. Your post touched me very deeply. Sending you loving thoughts and prayers. xo