Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Thank you so much Decadent housewife, its an honour...

In accepting this bloggy award I had to answer a list of questions with one word only.

Here Goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? handbag.

2. Your hair? uurgghhh.

3. Your mother? love.

4. Your father? Warm.

5. Your favourite food? chocolate.

6. Your dream last night? scary.

7. Your favourite drink? cream-soda.

8. Your dream/goal? Happiness.

9. What room are you in? office.

10. Your hobby? Salsa.

11. Your fear? Loneliness.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Beach.

13. Where were you last night? Working.

14. Something that you aren't? Thin.

15. Muffins? yum.

16. Wish list item? chocolate.

17. Where did you grow up? Kent.

18. Last thing you did? Ate.

19. What are you wearing? Pyjamas.

20. Your TV? Big.

21. Your pets? Cats.

22. Friends? Lifelines.

23. Your life? Hectic.

24. Your mood? Contemplative.

25. Missing someone? Aaron.

26. Vehicle? Blah.

27. Something you're not wearing? A thong.

28. Your favourite store? TK Max.

29. Your favourite colour? Red.

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today.

31. Last time you cried? Today.

32. Your best friend? Me.

33. One place that I go to over and over? Supermarket.

34. One person who emails me regularly? Wendy.

35. Favourite place to eat? Mums.

Okay, that was I can now pass this along to six more bloggers I regularly visit.

Gloria's Spanish View
Trojan's Corner Wishes You A
Is It Just Me?
Beauty Be Good
Grandma's Page

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The Dolphin  

Sunday, 27 December 2009

I've honestly never heard the experience of swimming with dolphins put so eloquently and this, made me feel peaceful just reading it.

The Dolphin
by Kate Carr

Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
When the day dawns clear and bright,
And seen his welcoming leap of joy,
As you leave the harbour and pass the buoy?
That's pure delight.
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin,
Dozing under the noonday sun,
and stroked his belly so smooth and strong,
Or felt yourself being towed along
In elfin fun?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
In the sunset's fiery glow,
When every wavelet is tinged with gold,
And his silhouette, so huge and bold,
Is a graceful bow?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
As the silvery moon rides high,
And ocean and earth are bathed in white,
And the dolphin's aglow with a phosphorous light,
As he glides by?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
In the North Sea's rolling swell?
Or a choppy squall, as a cloud passed by,
And a leaden greyness darkened the sky,
And raindrops fell?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
And a boatload of friends of a kind?
The harmony linking you all, and him,
As you tumble out of the boat for a swim -
It blows your mind.
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
And known your panic allayed?
Be it ladders or snorkels - whatever your fear -
Perhaps the oceans depth; once the dolphin's near
You're not afraid.
Yes, I've swum with a friendly dolphin
In the moonlight, the sun and the rain;
And the varying moods of the ocean swell
And my life will never - I know full well -
Be the same again.

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Merry Christmas Everyone  

Thursday, 24 December 2009

Hi Everyone, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, I know I have been absent lately, I've been going through a bit of a hard time, obviously missing Aaron at this time of year is a given, but there are a few other things going on that I'm trying to figure out.

I'm hoping to make the new year a bit of a fresh start...emotionally certainly.

I miss my blogging, but thank you all for being there for me still.

Have a lovely Christmas,

Sal xxxxxxxxxx

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Just for today xxxx and just because this made me smile xxx  

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day...

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I wasn't speeding mum...honest.  

Monday, 14 December 2009

We all hate getting the dreaded phone call from school saying one of the kids has hurt themselves dont we.

I had to rush down to Deions school today as he had hurt his foot....

He swore to me that he was not speeding as he drove down the school corridoor and crashed through the fire doors...and I'd like to believe him, but the three hours in A & E and the x-ray showing a broken toe tells a whole different story!

Luckily, Deion is fine and resting his foot, me...I aged another ten years in the ten minutes it took me to get to him...and I really don't need that now I am...dare I say my forties!!!

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The big four OH!!!  

Friday, 11 December 2009

How did it happen, i don't feel any different to when i was in my teens, i am the same...well, until i look in the mirror and think 'bloody Hell who's that old hag looking back at me !!!'

Oh well, they say life begins at forty, luckily it didn't end for one person in my house who suggested i was now middle aged.

"I AM NOT MIDDLE AGED!" I gently bellowed.
"sorry, but forty is middle aged" said the perpetrator
"I guess it depends on how long you intend to live" I said "say it again and your middle age would have been twenty one years ago!"

Whats wrong with people?????

well, life/the house/work, is totally, insanely hectic, but i have insisted on a night off, I might even get to leave the house for recreational never know xxxx

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Happy Birthday Aaron.  

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Today is a painful day for me, 18 years ago today, I became a mum. Unfortunately Aaron isn't here for me to give a birthday hug, words can't express the ache I feel about that.

The last 3 years without Aaron have been the hardest I have ever had to face,I miss him more than I thought I was capable of. But I am still celebrating in his honour in my own quiet way.

I don't regret a minute, Aaron is responsible for the person I am today and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I know wherever he is, he'll be having cake!

I thought it would be fitting to share the opening passage in his book with you.

The day I met Aaron!

It’s 3.17 am on Thursday the 5th December 1991 In Greenwich District hospital, London. After Twenty three and a half hours of labour, lots of kicking and screaming (me, not Aaron) the midwife finally bundled a tiny baby on my chest and I felt a rush of love like I never knew existed, fireworks went off in my chest, I’d just discovered the meaning of life. My son was here!

I knew something wasn’t right straight away, Aaron was very grey and he hadn’t cried yet, just as soon as I’d got my hands on him it seemed, the nurses whisked him back off me. There were people everywhere, doctors and nurses coming in and out of the room, lots of shouting, alarms going off. Not to mention the man at the end of the bed giving me so many stitches that I thought he was knitting a jumper. I thought he’d at least emerge with a pair of booties for the baby...nothing.

This isn’t what was supposed to be happening, we should all be crying with joy now, going all googly eyed over the top of our new babies head, meeting our new baby boy and counting his fingers and toes. Not hearing doctors saying that they couldn’t get him breathing, and asking each other how long he’d been down.

We waited for the longest seventeen minutes of our lives, Dave looked so scared, and I think I held my breath for the whole time, then; at last we heard a cry, it was the determined cry of the fighter my baby was about to have to become; and I just knew in my heart that everything was going to be o.k.

SCBU Special Care Baby Unit

The next couple of days were a blur of Special Care, wires, tubes and alarms. We were young, first time parents and completely bewildered by all the equipment, bleeps, and nurses. There were blood tests and brain scans and we couldn’t do a single thing. We used to sit there holding Aaron’s hands through the incubator doors, telling him how much we loved him, telling him how special he was, and willing him to be strong. He wasn’t a premature baby, like all the tiny ones in the other incubators, he was 9lb 1oz, he looked so healthy and chubby, so why was he here? What was going on?

Aaron had drips going into both his little arms, a tube going down his nose, a tube coming from his umbilical cord; he had a plastic box over his head with oxygen pumping into it, there were pads on his chest and probes of some sort on his finger and his toe. I had never even seen a baby in an incubator before, except on television. I didn’t really even know what all the wires and monitors were for, I just new my little boy was in there, in this plastic box, having things done to him that must have been hurting him. I was his Mum, he was mine, but I was powerless to stop it all. He must have been desperate for a cuddle, I know I was.

The doctors came round four or five times a day, whispering amongst themselves about our baby and the treatment he needed, us in our naivety not really realising we had the right to ask them exactly what they were saying, what they were going to do to make our baby well. Then they’d turn to us and tell us that he’d had a rough start and they would wait for him to improve, then they would all scuttle off again, move on to the next incubator, whisper about the next baby. We just thought that’s how it was.

My First Cuddle

I first held Aaron when he was two days old. A nurse had to take him out of the incubator and pass him to me, and we had to be careful of all the tubes and wires attached to him, I couldn’t quite believe that someone else had held my baby before I had, but as soon as he was in my arms, it didn’t matter. That was the most intense moment of my life, I fell in love with Aaron before he was even born, but this was the moment he tried to open his eyes and look at me, I made him a promise then and there that I would love him forever and keep him safe.

Before long I understood what all the monitors were for, the nurses were so lovely and explained everything as they were doing it. After the first couple of days, I was changing Aaron’s nappy and washing him, brushing his hair, none of it an easy task through the two small incubator doors! I got to cuddle him two or three times a day, we bonded just like any other mother and her first baby. It wasn’t quite how I imagined it, but things never always are.

Happy Birthday Aaron xxxxxx

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its getting to that time of year  

Friday, 4 December 2009

It is now Dec, and like the last three Decembers I am getting nervous.

It used to be that December was my favourite month of all time, I became a mum on December the 5th, my birthday is the 11th and then of course there's Christmas.

We're big on Christmas, Aaron and I shared a love of all things tacky, if it jiggled, sang, glittered, we had to have it.

So now, I dread December, I don't get to celebrate Aarons birthday, not in the same way, so thinking about enjoying my own birthday a few days later falls flat, and Christmas is not the same without my Aaron.

I make sure we celebrate, and I do smile and love to see the kids faces light up, my fear is that I'm just going through the motions...or is that, in fact what I have to do until it comes naturally.

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we may be upside down, but we're in!  

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

i have not given up my beloved blogging, i promise..but we are off line until British telecom pull their fingers out from their butts and get us on line, we are climbing the walls and i feel very cut off, but the good news is the house is great...or it will be when i clear enough boxes to be able to actually see it...

back v. soon...

hope you are all well, i will catch up with all your blogs as soon as i can xxxxx

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