Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Thank you so much Decadent housewife, its an honour...

In accepting this bloggy award I had to answer a list of questions with one word only.

Here Goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? handbag.

2. Your hair? uurgghhh.

3. Your mother? love.

4. Your father? Warm.

5. Your favourite food? chocolate.

6. Your dream last night? scary.

7. Your favourite drink? cream-soda.

8. Your dream/goal? Happiness.

9. What room are you in? office.

10. Your hobby? Salsa.

11. Your fear? Loneliness.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Beach.

13. Where were you last night? Working.

14. Something that you aren't? Thin.

15. Muffins? yum.

16. Wish list item? chocolate.

17. Where did you grow up? Kent.

18. Last thing you did? Ate.

19. What are you wearing? Pyjamas.

20. Your TV? Big.

21. Your pets? Cats.

22. Friends? Lifelines.

23. Your life? Hectic.

24. Your mood? Contemplative.

25. Missing someone? Aaron.

26. Vehicle? Blah.

27. Something you're not wearing? A thong.

28. Your favourite store? TK Max.

29. Your favourite colour? Red.

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today.

31. Last time you cried? Today.

32. Your best friend? Me.

33. One place that I go to over and over? Supermarket.

34. One person who emails me regularly? Wendy.

35. Favourite place to eat? Mums.

Okay, that was I can now pass this along to six more bloggers I regularly visit.

Gloria's Spanish View
Trojan's Corner Wishes You A
Is It Just Me?
Beauty Be Good
Grandma's Page

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The Dolphin  

Sunday, 27 December 2009

I've honestly never heard the experience of swimming with dolphins put so eloquently and this, made me feel peaceful just reading it.

The Dolphin
by Kate Carr

Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
When the day dawns clear and bright,
And seen his welcoming leap of joy,
As you leave the harbour and pass the buoy?
That's pure delight.
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin,
Dozing under the noonday sun,
and stroked his belly so smooth and strong,
Or felt yourself being towed along
In elfin fun?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
In the sunset's fiery glow,
When every wavelet is tinged with gold,
And his silhouette, so huge and bold,
Is a graceful bow?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
As the silvery moon rides high,
And ocean and earth are bathed in white,
And the dolphin's aglow with a phosphorous light,
As he glides by?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
In the North Sea's rolling swell?
Or a choppy squall, as a cloud passed by,
And a leaden greyness darkened the sky,
And raindrops fell?
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
And a boatload of friends of a kind?
The harmony linking you all, and him,
As you tumble out of the boat for a swim -
It blows your mind.
Have you swum with a friendly dolphin
And known your panic allayed?
Be it ladders or snorkels - whatever your fear -
Perhaps the oceans depth; once the dolphin's near
You're not afraid.
Yes, I've swum with a friendly dolphin
In the moonlight, the sun and the rain;
And the varying moods of the ocean swell
And my life will never - I know full well -
Be the same again.

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Merry Christmas Everyone  

Thursday, 24 December 2009

Hi Everyone, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, I know I have been absent lately, I've been going through a bit of a hard time, obviously missing Aaron at this time of year is a given, but there are a few other things going on that I'm trying to figure out.

I'm hoping to make the new year a bit of a fresh start...emotionally certainly.

I miss my blogging, but thank you all for being there for me still.

Have a lovely Christmas,

Sal xxxxxxxxxx

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Just for today xxxx and just because this made me smile xxx  

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day...

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I wasn't speeding mum...honest.  

Monday, 14 December 2009

We all hate getting the dreaded phone call from school saying one of the kids has hurt themselves dont we.

I had to rush down to Deions school today as he had hurt his foot....

He swore to me that he was not speeding as he drove down the school corridoor and crashed through the fire doors...and I'd like to believe him, but the three hours in A & E and the x-ray showing a broken toe tells a whole different story!

Luckily, Deion is fine and resting his foot, me...I aged another ten years in the ten minutes it took me to get to him...and I really don't need that now I am...dare I say my forties!!!

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The big four OH!!!  

Friday, 11 December 2009

How did it happen, i don't feel any different to when i was in my teens, i am the same...well, until i look in the mirror and think 'bloody Hell who's that old hag looking back at me !!!'

Oh well, they say life begins at forty, luckily it didn't end for one person in my house who suggested i was now middle aged.

"I AM NOT MIDDLE AGED!" I gently bellowed.
"sorry, but forty is middle aged" said the perpetrator
"I guess it depends on how long you intend to live" I said "say it again and your middle age would have been twenty one years ago!"

Whats wrong with people?????

well, life/the house/work, is totally, insanely hectic, but i have insisted on a night off, I might even get to leave the house for recreational never know xxxx

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Happy Birthday Aaron.  

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Today is a painful day for me, 18 years ago today, I became a mum. Unfortunately Aaron isn't here for me to give a birthday hug, words can't express the ache I feel about that.

The last 3 years without Aaron have been the hardest I have ever had to face,I miss him more than I thought I was capable of. But I am still celebrating in his honour in my own quiet way.

I don't regret a minute, Aaron is responsible for the person I am today and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I know wherever he is, he'll be having cake!

I thought it would be fitting to share the opening passage in his book with you.

The day I met Aaron!

It’s 3.17 am on Thursday the 5th December 1991 In Greenwich District hospital, London. After Twenty three and a half hours of labour, lots of kicking and screaming (me, not Aaron) the midwife finally bundled a tiny baby on my chest and I felt a rush of love like I never knew existed, fireworks went off in my chest, I’d just discovered the meaning of life. My son was here!

I knew something wasn’t right straight away, Aaron was very grey and he hadn’t cried yet, just as soon as I’d got my hands on him it seemed, the nurses whisked him back off me. There were people everywhere, doctors and nurses coming in and out of the room, lots of shouting, alarms going off. Not to mention the man at the end of the bed giving me so many stitches that I thought he was knitting a jumper. I thought he’d at least emerge with a pair of booties for the baby...nothing.

This isn’t what was supposed to be happening, we should all be crying with joy now, going all googly eyed over the top of our new babies head, meeting our new baby boy and counting his fingers and toes. Not hearing doctors saying that they couldn’t get him breathing, and asking each other how long he’d been down.

We waited for the longest seventeen minutes of our lives, Dave looked so scared, and I think I held my breath for the whole time, then; at last we heard a cry, it was the determined cry of the fighter my baby was about to have to become; and I just knew in my heart that everything was going to be o.k.

SCBU Special Care Baby Unit

The next couple of days were a blur of Special Care, wires, tubes and alarms. We were young, first time parents and completely bewildered by all the equipment, bleeps, and nurses. There were blood tests and brain scans and we couldn’t do a single thing. We used to sit there holding Aaron’s hands through the incubator doors, telling him how much we loved him, telling him how special he was, and willing him to be strong. He wasn’t a premature baby, like all the tiny ones in the other incubators, he was 9lb 1oz, he looked so healthy and chubby, so why was he here? What was going on?

Aaron had drips going into both his little arms, a tube going down his nose, a tube coming from his umbilical cord; he had a plastic box over his head with oxygen pumping into it, there were pads on his chest and probes of some sort on his finger and his toe. I had never even seen a baby in an incubator before, except on television. I didn’t really even know what all the wires and monitors were for, I just new my little boy was in there, in this plastic box, having things done to him that must have been hurting him. I was his Mum, he was mine, but I was powerless to stop it all. He must have been desperate for a cuddle, I know I was.

The doctors came round four or five times a day, whispering amongst themselves about our baby and the treatment he needed, us in our naivety not really realising we had the right to ask them exactly what they were saying, what they were going to do to make our baby well. Then they’d turn to us and tell us that he’d had a rough start and they would wait for him to improve, then they would all scuttle off again, move on to the next incubator, whisper about the next baby. We just thought that’s how it was.

My First Cuddle

I first held Aaron when he was two days old. A nurse had to take him out of the incubator and pass him to me, and we had to be careful of all the tubes and wires attached to him, I couldn’t quite believe that someone else had held my baby before I had, but as soon as he was in my arms, it didn’t matter. That was the most intense moment of my life, I fell in love with Aaron before he was even born, but this was the moment he tried to open his eyes and look at me, I made him a promise then and there that I would love him forever and keep him safe.

Before long I understood what all the monitors were for, the nurses were so lovely and explained everything as they were doing it. After the first couple of days, I was changing Aaron’s nappy and washing him, brushing his hair, none of it an easy task through the two small incubator doors! I got to cuddle him two or three times a day, we bonded just like any other mother and her first baby. It wasn’t quite how I imagined it, but things never always are.

Happy Birthday Aaron xxxxxx

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its getting to that time of year  

Friday, 4 December 2009

It is now Dec, and like the last three Decembers I am getting nervous.

It used to be that December was my favourite month of all time, I became a mum on December the 5th, my birthday is the 11th and then of course there's Christmas.

We're big on Christmas, Aaron and I shared a love of all things tacky, if it jiggled, sang, glittered, we had to have it.

So now, I dread December, I don't get to celebrate Aarons birthday, not in the same way, so thinking about enjoying my own birthday a few days later falls flat, and Christmas is not the same without my Aaron.

I make sure we celebrate, and I do smile and love to see the kids faces light up, my fear is that I'm just going through the motions...or is that, in fact what I have to do until it comes naturally.

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we may be upside down, but we're in!  

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

i have not given up my beloved blogging, i promise..but we are off line until British telecom pull their fingers out from their butts and get us on line, we are climbing the walls and i feel very cut off, but the good news is the house is great...or it will be when i clear enough boxes to be able to actually see it...

back v. soon...

hope you are all well, i will catch up with all your blogs as soon as i can xxxxx

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from mad to worse!  

Sunday, 15 November 2009

As you know, we have been waiting and chasing some of Deions hospital results for a while now. I am continually told that 'when there is something to tell, I shall be the first to know'...apparently not...

I rang up today to find out the results of a test Deion had in May...yes, do not adjust your screens, that was MAY! six whole months.

I demanded to speak to someone today, and with a sigh, they pulled Deions notes up on the computer...

"Oh," she said
"What???" I said, I went cold, broke out in a sweat and I think my heart stopped beating...
"Oh, well, we've had them back for a while, they were normal."

Of course, my relief that the result was normal meant I forgot to have a moan about someone actually neglecting to tell us this bit of information.

Wouldn't it be nice if just once, someone thought the parents had a right to know some vital piece of information about their child???

I guess I had better now phone up for the other four sets of results, they may be back too!!!!!

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Saturday, 14 November 2009

For the first time ever, I have been accused of discriminating...

Oh yes, the man who was trying to book our new phone line accused me of discriminating against 'able bodied people' when I explained to him that we could not be without our own number, and certainly not without a land line for a month due to Deion currently waiting for several hospital appointments, and the fact that we are waiting for about ten sets of result e.t.c

He told me I should not expect special treatment.

I did explain to him about the Disability discrimination Act and how companies have to make reasonable adjustments for those with disabilities, but to be honest, my heart wasn't in it, I'm so sick of it, all I wanted was to not be without a phone for any length of time so we don't miss an appointment and go back to the end of the queue. If it was just me, it wouldn't matter.

Of course, Mr sensitive on the other end sarcastically said 'I can't believe you don't have a mobile'

'I do arse wipe,' I said nicely, 'but that doesn't help much, when not all hospital departments won't actually ring them, they need a land line.'

Even after speaking to his manager, and her supervisor, I still don't know how quick it will be, I guess I need to spend the day phoning all the hospital departments, physios' e.t.c.and giving them a land line of someone, then, that person can get me on the mobile.....oh well...such is life, well, my life lol!

What I wonder is, if an elderly person needs a new phone line, a disabled person living there no priority service? Its a really bad system, I shall write a letter to head office when I get a minute.

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can you really let superstition run your life  

Thursday, 12 November 2009

I got a phone call today, offering Deion a cancellation appointment for tomorrow...of course, I was thrilled, it hardly ever happens that you get an appointment earlier than you expect.

The woman did double check that I didn't mind coming, and repeated the date 'Friday the thirteenth.'

"Ermm, no, no problem," I said a Little confused.

It turns out that the person who cancelled, did so because of the date and the other person who has been waiting longer than us, didn't want the appointment because of the date.

I don't know about you, but this seems a bit ridiculous to me, what do some people do, sit indoors wrapped in cotton wool that day.

My view is 'superstitions only have power if you believe in them'

I don't believe in them.

But, hey, I guess, for Deion's sake, I should be glad some people do!

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truisms 3  

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business."
Michael J. Fox

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looks familiar....  

Monday, 9 November 2009

The kids loved this, but all parents will love it for a different reason, this is too cute xxx

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Excuses I've heard from people wishing to avoid helping with packing!!!  

Sunday, 8 November 2009

But I didn't know what you wanted to keep. (Ermmm...ask me then)

I don't know what needs to go where. (See above)

You're so much quicker/better at it than me. (Only through necessity and forced practice at it)

I thought YOU'D like to organise it. (Derrr...)

But you are so good at organising. (Again...necessity)

You wrap things better than me/us. (Horse shit)

I know how you love that, I'd hate to break it. (Then don't)

You did it last time. (Not through choice)

I had no boxes. (Yes, like I have them hidden about my person on a daily basis)

Can't I do it later. (If only later ever arrived)

But I have loads of homework. (Okay, hard to argue with that)

I was going to go out with my friends. (Easy to argue with that)

And my all time favourite...

But I've been busy. (Of course, I sit on my arse drinking tea all day, so it gives me something to fill my empty days)

And also, how come every time I put something in the trash/recycle pile, one of you suddenly remembers its your favourite thing in the world...surely if it was, I would have seen you wear it/use it/play with it in the last decade???

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the stress of the move  

Friday, 6 November 2009

If I ever say I want to move anywhere, ever again...find me and shoot me!!!

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truisms 2  

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

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Day off ... my a$$  

Monday, 2 November 2009

Okay, I have officially heard it all now.

I was off the work rota on Sunday Morning as I worked until 3am the night before/that morning. So I took the time, caught up with the washing, ironing, dusting (it was getting to the point where I could write my name in the layer on the bookshelf) I cooked three days worth of dinners, did the food shopping, threw myself in and out of the shower at lightening speed and then said to Dave, "I'm knackered," he replied "why, you've had the day off!!!"

Yes, he is still alive (just)

And yes, I did lecture him about what a day off should actually mean, I even through in a few not so friendly names....

And yes, I think he's learnt his lesson for now... if not I might need some advice on where to hide the body!!!

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Sunday, 1 November 2009

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If you wanna see something really funny.....  

Friday, 30 October 2009

I laughed until my sides hurt, the best...the absolute funniest thing, is that he thinks he's so damn cool. Honestly, when his shoes flew off, I had trouble composing myself. Superb!

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Thursday, 29 October 2009

I cannot believe that I have actually written 500 posts. Okay, okay, some some weren't mine, some were e-mails or quotes or videos that I couldn't resist sharing. But 500 times I have clicked on that publish button and something that says something about me is out there on the world wide web.

Looking back, what makes me smile is how different my blog is to what I expected.

Originally, I was going to do a weekly update, talking about life as a parent with special needs children, about how to live with the loss of a child...I thought I was going to be giving support and advice to other parents like me.

And to a certain degree I think I have, sharing information is the best way to deal with many aspects of special needs and disability. But I have received just as much information back.

But what I didn't expect was to get into it and write about everything and anything that's on my mind, and what is even more amazing is the love and support I have received from my fellow bloggers. I didn't expect to love reading about the lives of people from all over the world, I didn't expect to be able to relate quite so much.

I feel less alone, I have an outlet, I can share the little things that make me laugh (or cry), things that otherwise go unsaid. I can have a bad day, rant, scream, cry, swear, and all I get back is support.

My biggest thanks has to be to Trojan of Trojan's Corner, he is the one that believed in me and what I had to say enough to encourage me to blog in the first place.

Here's to the next 500 if you can stand me for that long!!!!

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not all men are bad...but.....this does make sense to me...  

Wednesday, 28 October 2009


After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.. It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

'Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God though for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.

Let's see.... where did I put that useless tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

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tests, tests and more tests  

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Poor old Deion's going through it at the moment.

I have written posts about the uncertainty surrounding Deion's condition before, and the reason I haven't spoken about it for a while, is simply because there has been nothing new to tell, no new news, no results. It's a bit like having something hanging over us, actually, its exactly that.

So our lovely, lovely consultant has been pulling some strings to get some stuff done. It means that Deion is going to be spending most of his half term back and forth to hospital appointments, but I'm sure he'll think of a way to compensate this hardship...its gonna cost me i just know it!

Deion had his hip and knee x-ray on Friday, as he is in some pain, we need to know why. We have a full physio assessment today, later this week, we have a meeting about botox to loosen his thigh muscles, a neurology appointment to discus a muscle biopsy, some investigations about the deterioration in his swallowing, and we need to figure out how to get two litres of fluid a day into a child that cannot swallow liquid effectively any longer.

What fun!

I know I'm not ready for a couple of the suggestions they are going to make about Deion's swallowing, they are not happy that we have to get so many calories into Deion, and maintaining is weight is harder all the time.

Hopefully we will get some answers this time. I have to remind myself that deion is tougher than I think. Whatever happens, I know he/we can deal with it.

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since i'm talking about past present future....  

Monday, 26 October 2009

The present contains nothing more than the past, and what is found in the effect was already the cause

Henri Bergson

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love this quote  

Saturday, 24 October 2009

The future is purchased by the present

Samuel Jackson

Samuel Jackson is one of my husbands favourite actors, when you see him in interviews he seems to have a good balance on life, and this quote, though simplicity itself, is great.

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hospital parking ggrrrrr!  

Friday, 23 October 2009

I have a huge complaint (just for a change!)

There not only needs to be far more parking at hospitals, but there needs to be more disabled spaces, and we should not have to pay extortionate amounts of money for using them.

Deion had to go and have his hips and knees x-rayed as he is getting some pain, not that uncommon for wheelchair users, but we need to check it out.

So we merrily went off to the hospital. It took us over half an hour to park, and no! not because I can't drive/park e.t.c but because there was just no room. This was at ten to nine this morning, so you'd think it would still be fairly quiet...nope!

There should be more larger spaces to accommodate wider vehicles so we have enough space so that we can open the door more than an inch and a half. And there certainly not be ridiculously low height restrictions so that anything higher than a go kart can't get under (of course the docs sports cars can all fit under rather nicely)...disabled vehicles are big you guys...think it through.

So off we go to our appointment, which really should have been quick, but we waited the obligatory hour and a half to go in. Although how they could possibly be running an hour and a half late at nine twenty, when the x-ray department only opens at nine is beyond me... obviously we have a bit of lifting on and off the bed to do for Deion, no such thing as a hoist in a hospital x-ray room, that would make waaay too much sense!

So two hours and two minutes later I went back to the car, put my ticket in the machine and oh, guess what, its three pounds an hour to park, but I had to pay nine pounds because I went two minutes over the hour....fair...

Of course, my inability to keep my mouth shut about such matters meant I was duty bound to make a complaint to the parking control officer. He agreed with me totally (which I hated because I could hardly shout at the man for being nice and agreeing with me now could I???) and he gave me a form to fill in and send off to make a complaint. Which, yes, I will do, even though I know it will do absolutely nothing. And I know this because I have already filled in about seven of these forms before.

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This horrified me, I had no idea.  

This is being circulated as a warning, please read, people need to be aware. I have sent it to everyone I know on e-mail as it is not common knowledge.

Yesterday, my youngest daughter, Halle who is just 4 years old, was rushed to the ER by her father for being severely lethargic and incoherent in her classroom.

He was called to her school by the school secretary who said that she was 'VERY VERY SICK'! He told me that when he arrived at her classroom, Halle was barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her own head up and when he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them. He immediately scooped her up and rushed her to the closest ER, and then called me.

When he got there, they ran blood test after blood test and did x-rays, every test imaginable. Her white blood cell count was normal, nothing was out of the ordinary.

When I arrived at the ER, the doctor there told us that he had done everything that he could do so he was transferring her to Saint Francis Hospital for further tests.

Right as we were leaving in the ambulance, her teacher arrived at the ER and told us that after questioning Halle 's classmates, She had found out that our little girl had licked liquid hand sanitizer off of her hands!!!

Hand sanitizer, of all things. But it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of different scents and flavors and when you have a curious child, they are going to put all kinds of things into their mouths. When we arrived at the Saint Francis' HospitalER, we told the ER Doctor there to check her blood alcohol level, and yes we did get weird looks, but they did it.

The results showed her blood alcohol level was 85% -- six hours after we first took her.. There's no telling what it would have been if we would have requested it at the first ER. Since then, her school and a few surrounding schools have taken the liquid hand sanitizers out of all the lower grade classes, but what's to stop middle and high schoolers from ingesting this stuff? After doing research on the Internet, we found out that it only takes about 3 squirts of the stuff ingested to be fatal to a toddler. For her blood alcohol level to be so high, it would be like someone her size drinking120 proof liquor. So PLEASE PLEASE don't disregard this because we don't everwant another family to go through what ours has gone through.

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Honey wheres the iron?  

Thursday, 22 October 2009

How many men does it take to iron a shirt????

....I don't know, there is no evidence that its ever been attempted in my house.

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pump it!  

My kids loved this song, and when they saw this video on you tube they laughed and laughed. Deion laughed so hard I had to remind him to breathe. I love this film anyway, despite having seen it about a thousand times.

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a quote to match my mood!  

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Set me a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is stronger than death.

song of solomon, ch VIII,v6

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Monday, 19 October 2009

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does single not mean doing it single handedly???  

Saturday, 17 October 2009

I don't know about you, but it makes me laugh when rich, famous, nanny hiring, celebs who employ enough staff to run a small country describe themselves as single mothers. It just doesn't pack the same punch for me.

"Appearing on CBS' Late Show with David Letterman in the US, the performer was asked what it was like being a single parent."

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sanity??!!?? not so much!  

Friday, 16 October 2009

There are times (like most of the time) when i feel like i am the only sane person in my house. Okay, okay, I know there is evidence to the contrary i.e. the giant football, the bungee jump, the cake...whatever!

But it seems there are just some things you can't get through to my family....

Like...if you leave your clothes in a heap on the bedroom floor, it does not automatically follow that the next day, they will not be washed and ironed and in your closet.

Or...once you have eaten all the food, it does not automatically replace itself, i do not have a magic refrigerator.

Even simple things, like, i can't be in two (or three) places at once, money doesn't grow on trees, and i only have one pair of hands.

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yet another special needs child loses their life  

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Whether or not the parents were involved, one thing is for sure, this child and family did not get the support they needed. Its yet another in a long line of cases where a child slips through the net and loses their Innocent young life needlessly.

"The parents of an eight-year-old girl found hanged in her bedroom have been arrested in connection with her death.
Simon and Susan Moody were interviewed under caution immediately after finding Charlotte Avenall's body at their home in Mansfield last month.
The young girl, who had severe learning disabilities, was discovered hanged in her bedroom on September 12.
Mr Moody, 32, and his 24-year-old wife Susan have been arrested in connection with her death.
Following her death, Nottinghamshire County Council's social services department said it would be reviewing the care and support it offered Charlotte and her family.
She was known to social services from birth and attended Birklands Primary School in nearby Warsop."

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Wednesday, 14 October 2009


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Victoria and Albert Museum  

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

My daughter Robyn had a Sunday to herself, no school, homework up to date, no karate /horse riding/work experience/extra curricular how does she chose to spend this....

Robyn had a school art trip to the Victoria and Albert Museum last week, however, time was limited, so she (being the perfectionist she is) wanted to go back to make sure her sketches were accurate, and to maybe add a few more.

I can't complain, she wants it to be right bless her.

Its a lovely museum, I haven't been for years, I loved the buddahs, so here are a few pictures of our favourite things.

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oops, thats ruined your reputation!  

Monday, 12 October 2009

my daughter had a special evening at school on Wednesday, her teachers want her to do triple sciences as she's so clever...i know I'm gushing, but, my kids are brilliant, so i have that right!!!!

it was actually quite a good evening, a talk followed by some demonstrations of chemical reactions.

only we were not expecting an explosion, everyone in the hall jumped, a few gasped, one yelped, but only one person yelled F**K at the top of their lungs....yep, daughter is not happy, and probably concerned how it looks for her...oh well... I'm just grateful i didn't pee my pants (it was close!)

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My First Blogaversary  

Sunday, 11 October 2009

I can't believe its a year to the day that I started blogging. My good Friend Trojan,(Trojan's Corner) not only suggested it, helped me set it up (as in...he did most of the work lol) and he has given me nothing but encouragement all along.

I can hardly remember life before blogging now. I have been able to reach out to so many people, and have been helped and supported by more people, from more places than I could ever have imagined.

I had to laugh when Iwent back to our intentions a year ago, I was going to put out a blog once a week...crikey, I've done at least one a day...

I was going to only talk about issues that surround being a parent of children with special needs...

Well, that all went out the window, i chat about anything and everything, this is my online diary, thought process and has been great for meeting new people...

So thankyou for reading and supporting...

And special love to you Trojan xxxxx

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Saturday, 10 October 2009

Have you noticed, that the more you hurry, the slower you go?

The more you wait, the longer it takes?

The more you worry, the less you dream?

But the more you live, love, and laugh, the more you live, love, and laugh.

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When the wife don't listen  

Friday, 9 October 2009

OMG this is so funny, wrong? cruel?...yes, but hilarious too!!!!

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once again...sorry!  

Thursday, 8 October 2009

i seem to be continuously apologising for ignoring everyone. i can't say how much i miss spending a little time on all of your blogs each day, but there just doesn't seem to be a spare minute. i used to spend those nighttime hours when i couldn't sleep on the I'm out working and spending my time with people far less savory than all of you.

gosh, i thought i was busy before i am now looking back on my life a couple of months ago and feeling that it was quite leisurely!!!!

I am trying to get it to balance out, and I'll be back commenting and posting much more...

right off to work...i think the phrase 'you'll meet yourself coming backwards' was meant for me.

I am also concerned, as one phrase pops up alot! and that's 'no rest for the wicked'...okay, i don't think I'm wicked, but its starting to worry me lol!

have a great day all of you....

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Motherhood, the cheaper option.  

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Now, you would think that having a paying job (as well as all the other stuff you do, which roughly equates to five jobs anyway...but thats a blog post for another day!) would mean that you would be better off financially.

When you sit down and work out the cost of actually going back to work, decent clothes that aren't elasticated and designed not to show childrens food and mess, shoes that look smart rather than comfy, travel, childcare, and take out for dinner on days when you just havent got to the supermarket or are not means financially you barely break even.

Its actually cheaper to stay home, and then as a bonus you don't have anyone moaning at you because the dry cleaning isn't picked up, or the printers out of ink, or clothes aren't ironed on the right day, or we're out of the right t-bags, or the house is a bomb site.

You can hardly blame parents for staying home can you? It's the cheaper option!

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Some things just make you sick to your stomach...  

Saturday, 3 October 2009

This is one of them.

This story has been all over the news the last couple of days. It highlights the depravity of some members of society... three people have been charged with horrific child abuse and distributing pornographic images of of them is a nursery worker, all of them are parents.

Now police and social workers are trying to work out who the children are in the images. Aparently so bad, they could not even describe them for the press.

It is the worst kind of abuse of trust, abusing the most vulnerable. Abusing innocent children while their parents feel they are in a safe, secure, loving enviroment.

Some freinds and I were talking about this, and one felt that it almsot seems worse when its women involved, is this true????

"Female sex abuse often remains hidden behind the veil of happy family life and the apparently normal relationship between mother and child so victims are less likely to come forward.
And those in contact with the family are less likely to notice what is happening.
This combined with the stigma and silence surrounding the issue means the result is chronic under-reporting.
The statistics in this field are dangerously inadequate, but it is estimated that at least 25% of victims of sexual abuse are abused by women.
Two years ago the Behavioural Analysis Unit at CEOP
(The Child Expoloitation and Online Protection taskforce) began a study into female sex offenders.
The results are still several years away, but Graham Hill, leading the team, expects the findings to show a high incidence of female sex offending.

These monsters are due to be sentenced next month. one things for sure, whatever happens to them, will be less than they deserve.

My heart goes out to the babies and their families, imagine how hard it will be for them to let those children out of their sight again, imagine how hard it will be to ever trust anyone again. As parents we are told to show preference to well run, registered nurseries rather than child minders... tell these parents that!

to read more click here....

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mad cow  

Friday, 2 October 2009

Three different people sent me you think they are trying to tell me something???

I posted it, because, you know when you see something, and it really gets to you, and you find it hilarious, and every time you think of it you laugh....this did that for me.

hmm..perhaps I can relate!

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A message from an angel!  

Thursday, 1 October 2009

I just had to write and tell you about a recent experience.

A friend of mine has a distant aunt, they found each other on face book recently. It turns out that this aunt is a medium, a good one, she's been on TV, travelled all over the world doing this, some of her customers are famous people.

While she was talking to my friend, she told her that she could see a little boy, and told her to ask his mum to phone her...nothing else was said.

Well, I did phone, she arranged to phone me back another day at a quiet time...and I'm so glad she did. She knew things, that no-one else knew, she described my house, where I keep a box of Aaron's things, other mundane things he sees me doing. She named the names of his Friend's his favourite uncle, my was pretty special. She knew his favourite toys, teddy, food, games, it was amazing. There is not one thing she said that didn't mean something to me, even if it was confusing for her.

But most of all, the best thing, the thing that was indisputable was... when she described how she had had a mad day, was worn out, so she decided to go to leave me a message saying we would rearrange and go to bed instead...well, apparently she tried but Aaron wouldn't let her, she said he drove her crazy with his incessant 'ring my mum, ring my mum' she said it was like that scene out of Ghost when Patrick Swayze wants Whoopie Goldberg to phone Molly....

Of course, there isn't another person who ever existed as stubborn as Aaron, so this really made me smile. There are times when I feel Aaron, particular moments, and recently Dragon from mysterious creature told me how to contact aaron in dreams...this medium knew all about this and told me not to doubt it.

I feel calmer somehow, less worried that he is lost, or lonely, or not being looked after...and certainly there is no doubt he is with us all....

Big breath in, my heart feels joyful today!

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angel friend  

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

I don't know who wrote this, but it was sent to me by a friend and I wanted to share it.

When I have no one to turn to
And I am feeling kind of low,
When there is no one to talk to
And nowhere I want to go,

I search deep within myself
It is the love inside my heart
That lets me know my Angels are there
Even though we are miles apart.

A smile then appears upon my face
And the sun begins to shine.
I hear a voice, so soft and sweet
Saying, 'Everything will be just fine'

It may seem that I am alone
But I am never by myself at all.
Whenever I need my Angels near
All I have to do is call.

An Angel's love is always true
On that you can depend.
They will always stand behind you
And will always be your friend.

Through darkest hours and brightest days
Our Angel's see us through
They smile when we are happy,
and will cry when we are blue..

Thanks for being my Angel my friend
I will be there for you until the end.

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I wish  

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

This is a song that always makes me think of Aaron, not just because R.Kelly was his favourite singer, but because the words (especially the chorus) are lovely.....and apt...

"I wish that I could hold you now
I wish that I could touch you now
I wish that I could talk to you
Be with you somehow
I know you're in a better place
Even though I can't see your face
I know you're smiling down on me
Saying everything's okay

And if i make it out this life
I'll see you again someday
I wish, I wish, I wish
I wish, I wish, I wish"

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Wheelchairs are not welcome here!!!!!  

Monday, 28 September 2009

You will not believe what happened to us the other day...actually...sadly, you probably will. We were not allowed in a shop because Deion may have broken something while in his wheelchair...apparently, kids in electric chairs are NOT ALLOWED. Pushable ones, and buggies are okay, but electric chairs are too much of a risk in the breakable goods department.

Okay,I'll tell you what I wanted to break, and it wasn't anything they were selling in the shop!!!

"So let me get this straight?" I asked in something just below roar level! "Disabled people are not allowed in your store."

"Oh yes, of course they are," said 'thick as shit' store assistant, "just not kids in electric chairs!"

Well,I don't need to go on about the small argument that ensued, and there's certainly no need to repeat any of the threats made (who me?)...

But the manager was called, we were assured that it IS NOT store policy to keep out electric chairs, and the 'thick as shit' assistant got it wrong. Apologies were made, I resisted the urge to tell Deion to drive around at top speed like demolition derby and break everything he could (very understanding of us I think!)

And I know what will happen next, we'll get a letter of apology from head office and some store vouchers, I know this, because it happened once before in another store. I don't want the bloody store vouchers, I want to be able to go shopping with my son and not be turned away because he's in a'd think! The vouchers will be rolled up and returned with a suggestion of where they should put them!

Okay, I know we are moving ahead, and things are improving...but come on...can we get there a bit quicker please, people are being treated like second/third class citizens here! GGRRRRR!

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wheelchair stickers!  

Sunday, 27 September 2009

If you know anyone who has a wheelchair, and you want some stickers or number plates, then let me know. Deion and his Friends love theirs and I send samples to my t-shirt customers, they are great, and I have let me know and I'll stick (sorry couldn't resist) some in the post.

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deion asked me to share this....  

Saturday, 26 September 2009

I take no responsibility what so ever.......

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moving day  

Friday, 25 September 2009

We have finally got acompletion date for the move...five weeks....where do I start??? how on earth did we manage to accumulate so much stuff???

I'm being ruthless, the toys they don't play with are going to the hospital, the clothes they no longer wear are going to the charity shop, Daves twenty million boxes of paperwork spanning 20 years are going in the shredder...any kitchen appliances that were obviously bought in order to keep me in the kitchen 'doing' for everyone else...binned! any clothes I have kept, waiting for them to come back into fashion, recycled, I don't think the charity shops even want my multitude of power suits with shoulder pads to rival that of any footballers.

I want zen like minimalism, well in one room at least.

I am looking forward to living in our new house, but I am dreading the move itself. The disorganisation of being upside down...

The kids are busy planning colours for their new rooms, which would be fine if Deion didn't want orange and black...I need to find a compromise.

Okay, I'm off to tackle the cupboard under the stairs now, I dread to think what I'll find..... probably the bones of the last guy who came to read the meter...

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cry baby  

Thursday, 24 September 2009

I can't remember the last time I had a good cry, I go into zombie mode instead. Some sort of self preservation I, I can't seem to stop, my emotions seem so close to the surface.

I can't seem to get a hold of my emotions this last few weeks, I was so angry the other week I wanted to strangle someone, now, today, the slightest thing (and I mean the slightest thing) and I want to cry.

I suppose there have been a few changes lately, Deion becoming more independent and going to big school for one, more working and even less sleep for me for another, and with the move coming up.

I don't know...sorry, nothing positive to say today....ignore me!

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Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Sometimes you can tell whats been going on in my life by the quotes I put in a post...this is DEFINITELY one of those times!!!

"He finally accepted that if you don't succeed, then try doing it how your wife suggested in the first place!"

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I loved when we spent birthdays like this  

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

I loved when the kids were small, and birthdays were all about cake and balloons.

Now they are all about the right dress and make overs.

Robyn was 15 at the weekend, and no, she didn't want a McDonald's party, or to go to the park or adventure playground, she wanted to shop til she dropped and to have a sophisticated lunch with her friends....

Where do the years go???

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The smiles worth a trashed house!!!  

Monday, 21 September 2009

Okay, so i know i said yesterday the ball was probably a mistake, but look at Deion having fun with it...everything else is replaceable, can't buy smiles like that!!!!

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