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its getting to that time of year
Friday, 4 December 2009
It is now Dec, and like the last three Decembers I am getting nervous.
It used to be that December was my favourite month of all time, I became a mum on December the 5th, my birthday is the 11th and then of course there's Christmas.
We're big on Christmas, Aaron and I shared a love of all things tacky, if it jiggled, sang, glittered, we had to have it.
So now, I dread December, I don't get to celebrate Aarons birthday, not in the same way, so thinking about enjoying my own birthday a few days later falls flat, and Christmas is not the same without my Aaron.
I make sure we celebrate, and I do smile and love to see the kids faces light up, my fear is that I'm just going through the motions...or is that, in fact what I have to do until it comes naturally.
4 December 2009 at 18:02
I do understand your sadness. I mean not from exact perspective since he was your son. But losing someone and then remembering around Christmas making it harder around Christmas. I will be doing a blog on mine too. But just hold onto those memories and realize he would want you happy and smiling around this time. He wouldn't want that to end. When something happens he would normaly do, don't put past the thought that it might be him helping you remember. :-)
4 December 2009 at 18:26
I can't imagine how difficult Christmas or any holiday is for you and your family. Cherish every bit of those memories of you have of him while making great ones with the other kiddos! Hugs!
4 December 2009 at 19:29
You know, Sal, I get this way around Thanksgiving here in the U.S.; my son was born prematurely just days later. There are studies which now show that parents of extremely premature or chronically ill children and parents who have lost children all suffer from a form of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I wouldn't be at all surprised if you have some form of that which gets triggered by the same events over and over. Food for thought?
Sending loving and gentle thoughts to you and your family.
4 December 2009 at 19:32
My mom's birthday was 12/24. She died in 2002, and it is still hard to remember her as gone, and not still with us during Christmas. I know, losing a parent is not as heart wrenching as losing a child.
Do cherish your time with the other kids, as Aaron would want you to do.
We've missed you!
4 December 2009 at 23:04
My mom probably knows exactly how you feel. She had twins on 9/28/59 but one passed away from SIDS 2 days before Christmas.
We used to go to the cemetary, as a family, on 12/23, but now she goes alone.
5 December 2009 at 03:23
I am so sorry that you have to endure this. I cannot imagine your pain. Only that you seem so very strong. Thank God your kids are here to help you make it thru the sadness.
Doing something for their sake is definitely okay till maybe one day you might do it for yourself.
5 December 2009 at 18:31
Thank you all so very much, as usual your words of kindness and support are just whats needed. I bottle it up with most people, i guess anyone who was close with aaron feels it too, so its hard to bring my own grief to the equation and make them worse too...
I'm holding up, listening to your advice and making it a fun day for the kids... we sent a special balloon up to heaven for him too with a poem, it makes us feel good
xxxxxx
5 December 2009 at 20:24
I do understand your sadness
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5 December 2009 at 20:44
I agree with Niksmom! PTSD is a possiblity. Holidays are hard in general without having lost someone. You are in my prayers~!
1 January 2010 at 21:18
he would normaly do, don't put past the thought that it might be him helping you remember.
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