Sally's World

The Facecloth.

This was sent to me by a friend and has to be read.

There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week.

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am . I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the face cloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when thedoctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The restof the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking.After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?'

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all myglitter saved inside it.'

NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!

Twelve angry men...well, nine angry men and one angry woman...cont....

FINALLY I have been let out to mingle with the general public again...I am free to wander the streets, eat what I want, when I want and I don’t have to go back!!!

I’m not saying it wasn’t an experience, I certainly learnt a lot about myself, and more than I ever wished to about several others…but I don’t want to have to do it again.

I was hoping for a nice easy theft trial, perhaps a bit of fraud, nothing too awful, so what did I get… a bloody drug smuggling …I kid you not, a huge quantity of heroin too!

It was hard to put my own, anti drug views on hold to look at the facts, and base my opinion on evidence alone… but it had to be taken seriously, and done right.

But it wasn’t so simple, and I am totally drained from talking about it, arguing about it and losing sleep over it.

I was totally uncomfortable with having the huge responsibility of someone’s life at stake…

So no, don’t want to do it again thanks!!!!

But now, I can catch up with the blogs I have missed, spend some time with the kids and get the bomb site that is my house in order and eat something delicious!!!

Oh its good to be back!

Thought this was too 'important' not to share. Have a wonderful day - with a joy filled heart!

No doubt you've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

Well, my thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick.

The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal.

Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and then the bloody body thieves struck again.

My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bum was attached at least three inches lower than my original!

I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched.

One morning I was drying my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time.

What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX.. This is happening to women everywhere every night..

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S.
Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

BTW - These same thieves come into my wardrobe and drawers and shrink my clothes! How do they do it?

Can anyone explain to me WHY those trendy coffee houses have stools that are so high you need a bloody step ladder to get on them and the seat so small, unless you have a size zero backside (which I do not) its like trying to perch your arse on top of a pool cue!!

And god forbid you forget your practically three stories up and try to cross your legs, you somersault of back with a half twist and a pike that's worthy of the Olympics!

I had a nightmare that I was stuck in a windowless, airless room with eleven people I do not know, I have nothing in common with, and to be brutally honest, would not choose as my friends....

It's a rabble of arguing, shouting, often screaming and slamming of fists on tables, one of the men in my dream is being patronising, winking at me and seems letchy, I want to hit him over the head with a chair, one of the women cries alot, another man has a body odour problem.... we are cut off from the outside world, our phones confiscated, no TV, no papers, NO COMPUTER....we are hungry, drained, tired, taking antacids and aspirin in equal measures.... we cannot have hot food, the coffee is bloody awful, I am losing the will to live....

ONLY ITS NOT A BLOODY DREAM, IT'S MY SECOND WEEK OF JURY SERVICE....

We have heard the evidence, and are now deliberating, and I can't see us agreeing on the fact that the sky is blue or the grass is green, let alone an actual verdict....

I know why they can't have windows, because if there was one, I'd bloody well throw myself out of it....

HELP!!!!!!

"THE BEER STORE"

If only I had a case like this....

Little Old Lady in court......

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney:Will you tell us, in your own Words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front Porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the Porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney:What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:Why not?

Little Old Lady:It felt good.Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady:He began to rub my breasts.Defence Attorney:Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney:Why not?

Little Old Lady:His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:What happened next?

Little Old Lady:Well, by then, I was feeling really 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him'Take me, young man. Take me!'

Defence Attorney:Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:Hell, no! He just yelled,'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

And I certainly wouldn't convict her!!!

You know in airplanes, they have that little black box that is totally indestructable....

well, why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff????

Very funny advert...

I saw a new TV show advertised yesterday, I don't watch much TV, so don't know if its an old or new thing. Basically, the show is about a family who go back to living how they did in the seventies when the parents were growing up.

My kids were horrified at the thought of it, but I thought what a great experiment it would be. Imagine, no video games, no DVDs, video films, three channels on the TV, no mobiles, no money for designer trainers and clothes...

On the advert a boy of about 15/16 actually cries his eyes out when his dad takes his TV and computer games away from him....

I think it would certainly teach kids about real life a bit more. Lets be honest, our kids are a tad spoilt...oh, I know we have no-one to blame but ourselves, but I for one would love to see how my kids react to being a kid in the seventies.

Sometimes one of my posts may come across harsh, judgemental even, so if that bothers you, I’d click off now….

Katie Price a.k.a. Jordan…now, whilst she has never been my cup of tea, not someone I particularly admire, she’s never really bothered me as such. She’s basically a foul mouthed, heavy drinking, glamour model with a lot of breast implants, but she has never really pretended to be anything else, and is easy enough to avoid (which I choose to do mostly). And okay so her and her husband Peter Andre have a fly on the wall, inside the home show, that is, well, quite frankly ridiculous, as they seem to do nothing but scream shout and swear at each other during thier...oooh, five minute marriage!…hardly a match made in heaven…but again, people are obviously interested in it…so whatever.

She has three kids, her eldest son she had with footballer Dwight York, his names Harvey, he’s a cutie pie, and he’s disabled. She has 2 other children with Peter Andre.

But what DID bother me, which made me so mad that I could spit…was the fact that her and her husband split up recently (not that I give a rats arse about that) but she jetted off to a secret location somewhere to get away…fine, but she took the kids…but not ALL the kids, she took her two able bodied children and left her disabled son behind!!! GGGGRRRR!!!

I wanted to throw something through the TV when I heard that, she should be ashamed of herself. How can you do that to your kids….she’s a mum, she doesn’t get to chose which ones she prefers… how is that supposed to make him feel, being discriminated against by your own mother….what a bitch!

I know some of you are going to say, oh well maybe she was going somewhere unsuitable, maybe she didn’t want to upset his routine…then she should have chosen to either go somewhere suitable, or stay put….after all, moneys no object….you just know this is going to be one of those break ups where the kids suffer (unless its all a publicity stunt...which is very likely), they are not going to be able to put their own selfish needs on hold for the sake of the kids….

Then aparently, she phoned her husband and blasted him for leaving Harvey at home with her mum so he could jet off also...so it's okay for her to do it....the whole situation is quite frankly ridiculous...and who is stuck in the middle....

She doesn’t deserve to be a mum in my eyes!!!

Just a very quick post to apologise if I am neglectful posting comments over the next week or so. I have been called up for Jury service. I've been there since Monday, climbing the walls and going stir crazy....I have been sworn in on a case and its totally awful and causing me sleepless nights (as if I needed that!!!)

I am keeping up as much as I can, as I miss you all, and it will (hopefully) be over next Friday and I can have my life back!!!

Sal xxxx

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...


1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

8) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'

And if it is, is it entirely appropriate?

Robyn was packing her back for school tomorrow and she took the deck of cards and packed them. I asked why she needed cards.

“Because my maths teachers teaching us how to count cards,” she said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“WHAT?”

“He’s like teaching us how to count cards, you know, like in black jack, like in a casino.”

“WHAT???”

“Calm down mum, it’s a legitimate teaching method.”

IS IT????

I never learned this at school, are they supposed to teach them this stuff???

I’m torn between going to see him and question his methods, and booking a flight to Vegas to try it out!!!!

well, I guess any fears that Robyn's one year old cat, Pat, would not get along with Deions new kitten Cocoa, were totally unfounded, they adore each other already....and this is how they sleep.

please try to ignore the mess that is Robyn's bed!


I had to get a picture of Pat spooning Cocoa, unfortunately Cocoa woke up when I started clicking...too cute.

Paris 2008

Florida 2003

2005

Deion has been made captain of his wheelchair basketball team. So I thought I'd take some photos of him and his team mates in action to mark the momentus occasion.

Go Deion, Go Deion, Go Deion!!!!

He is very proud of himself. And quite rightly so.

Their Coach is a really nice guy called Steve, who plays in the England Wheelchair basketball team, he's so great with the kids, they all love him to bits.

Obviously there are a whole different set of rules and plays...

Here are a few pictures of them completing a set play, You can't tell, but Deion is yelling his head off at about a billion decibels in eerrmmmmm...'encouragement' here!!

Apparently, that is one of his most important duties as captain!

Deions really committed now, he goes every Saturday morning and has an absolutely brilliant time.

Clubs are so important for all kids, I am a huge fan of structured activities... it's such an important part of a child social development and social life, I hate Deion having to miss out. It's hard to find good clubs that are wheelchair friendly, let alone wheelchair based as it were.

Of course there are a few extra issues, there are more than the usual amount of hospital appointments and stays among the team, and for the more fragile kids, more illness, but the club goes ahead no matter whether there are two or twelve kids.

Its also a great excuse for the mums to sit down for an hour with a coffee!!!

Saw this quote, and it made perfect sense to me!!!

"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool."

I do have a bad habit of making jokes when I am nervous or worried about something….its a sort of nervous energy I guess.

So I had my breast appointment yesterday, and maybe joking to my husband about the fact that three men and one woman felt my breasts…and, if I’m not mistaken, then saying something along the lines of ‘not bad for one day...’ yep, maybe not the best idea!!! He now thinks I'm trivialising it, I think that's the way to go!!!

Well, it was that or say that I was scared shitless, because the first guy, had a feel and looked deep in thought for a moment, and said he had to call his consultant in…then the consultant had a feel and said he wanted to speak to a colleague, and I had to make a choice to either be worried or think that my breasts were so phenomenal, that they thought everyone should have a look!!!!

So I’m going with the phenomenal breast theory!!!

I went of for the scan let the lady squish me into the most uncomfortable contraption known to man….the dreaded mammogram, then I got to go back for the doctor to examine me again.

I don’t think, even in the earliest days of Dave and I dating has my bra been on and off so often…

So now it’s a waiting game (not easy for possibly the least patient person in England), yes the lump is there, yes probably the lump is too hard to be a cyst, but I’m just going to presume its benign…otherwise I may just tip over the edge from mildly hysterical to totally losing the plot!!!

The doctors, nurses and the clinic in general was actually really friendly, and everyone was as gentle as they could be, I have a ton of leaflets and the numbers of support groups…

I shall keep you posted!!!

IT IS NOT MY FAULT…

Okay, so I know I told you about the time I traumatised the postman, I believe I may have mentioned the time I almost accidentally strangled the sales clerk…I think you are all aware of my aversion to a few of the doctors I meet….

Well, we can now add another one to the list… Builders!!! …but it was totally not my fault, it was Crazy Texas Mommy’s fault…I take no responsibility and place the blame squarely on her shoulders.

Click here for proof. http://www.crazytxmommy.com/2009/05/do-hustle.html

See…don’t tell me you watched that video without joining in, admit it, you were doing the hustle in your living room…right…no?????

Well, I thought my moves were pretty good, until I spun around after shaking my booty…and saw the look on the builders face.

In my defence, how was I supposed to know he was going to be looking in the living room window???…and okay, I should have remembered the builders were here putting up a new fence….

Let’s just hope he comes back, he seemed pretty scared, but he should be made of sterner stuff!!!!

Oh my, a friend of mine sent me this, she thought I’d enjoy it, bearing in mind my recently acquired addiction to blogging.

I got the kids to bed, climbed in the bath, turned to page one and started reading, I read the whole thing in one go, I only stopped to top up the water as it had gone cold and to tell Dave to go away…he kept banging on the door to ask me why I was laughing!

The Author describes the blogging addiction quite well, and has a great voice, her sense of humour, whilst being a bit near the mark at times, is great. I’ll look out for the next one….

The book
I feel like a failure. It's now been 351 days since I had sex. That's a carnal drought. If Bob Geldof knew about it he'd hold a concert.

Sarah Sargeant has been single for three years and nine months. She has just spent five months plucking up the courage to ask out a balding man with a paunch who works in her local pub. The gentleman in question informed her that he would rather stay in and watch the "Narnia" movie on DVD. Her pride has not just been bruised, it's been disembowelled. And she vows it's the last time she will ever reach out to a member of the opposite sex. But her family and friends have other ideas. They enter her into a reality TV show against her will, persuade her to go speed dating and even more radically, they encourage her to start a blog. Suddenly Sarah Sargeant is on a mission. A mission to explore 50 ways to find a lover.


About the Author
Lucy-Anne Holmes is an actress living in London. 50 Ways to Find a Lover had its genesis in Lucy's blog, www.spinstersquest.com, cataloguing her real-life love woes. She is currently working on her second novel, in which Sarah Sargeant heads to LA.

This is one of my all time favourite pictures of Aaron, it shows his cheeky smile off just right, this was my favourite outfit for him at the time. We booked him in for proper photos as a celebration, as he had just learnt to hold his head up.

I love to paint, but I never used to have time, I find that drawing and painting calms me, and recreating Aaron's smiles makes me smile too. so i tried to recreate this one onto canvas for Dave...he loves it and it hangs above his desk. He says he can't look at it without smiling...as he can see how much love has gone into this painting.


Just wanted to share this one with you all!

Aaron passed away three years ago now…3 years, two months and eight days to be exact.

So imagine how I felt when I got a lovely big letter through the post, in Aaron’s name, with leaflets and brochures about the adult learning centres that were available to us, as Aaron would be turning eighteen this year and leaving full time, special needs education.

Now, I expect the odd letter from the dentist/opticians/brochures we prescribed to. ..But call me naive, didn’t really expect them from any kind of government run department.

When Aaron should have turned sixteen I got a letter talking about changes in benefits, and other educational provision, and I rang them up and gave them a bollocking that would have made a sailor blush. So it seems strange they have made the same mistake again.

When Aaron passed away, I rang the benefit people, they had no trouble stopping his benefits, I had an adapted vehicle for him at the time part funded by a special scheme, and within a week of his passing they turned up to collect it, with no regard for the fact that I needed it for Deion too, child benefit, yep, all stopped. And worse thing of all, Aaron’s one to one key worker at school, a lovely girl called Mel, who had (understandably) gotten attached to Aaron, was told the day after he passed away that she was out of a job…with complete disregard for the fact that the poor girl was grieving also.

So they don’t seem to have a problem stopping anything that costs them money, no problem making sure that there is no unnecessary outlay…god no, I had visions of them rubbing their hands together at all the money they were going to save now that Aaron was no longer on their list!!!! Bastards!!!!

So now, am I totally stupid in thinking that somewhere in the governments special needs education system, the very system that deals with education of all kids with special needs, that there is information on Aaron, information with regards to his passing???

I’m incensed, angry beyond words…I know its just a letter, I know these people are more incompetent than a bunch of chimps at a tea party…couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery…yep, I know all this…but the truth is these letters are heartbreaking, they put you back months.

I KNOW you dozy, lazy, incompetent arse holes what Aaron SHOULD be doing…you complete utter useless shits…I KNOW about all the thing I SHOULD be having to arrange for my soon to be eighteen year old son….so thank you so much for the reminder, how kind of you, and how lucky you are that guns are illegal in this country, because if I owned one I just might be tempted to use you all as target practice!!!

Is there a government workers manifesto we know nothing of, something along the lines of
1) clients must be thoroughly ignored at all times
2) when it is impossible to ignore them, they must be treated with complete contempt
3) complete disregard for feelings must be adhered to at all times
4) you must never ever call back when you say you will
5) if you see an opportunity to upset/depress/stress/anger a client, it must be taken, at all times.

How many grieving wives/mothers/sons/daughters have to put up with this????

You know when you hear something soooo ridiculous, you have to laugh out loud…


Pop sensation (my ar$e) Lady Gaga, as this woman is known, has said she feels she gets a lot of negative sexual attention…

Oh please….this is a woman who walks down the street and pole dancers gasp!!!


She can’t sing particularly well, she can’t dance particularly well, her only talent it seems is being able to dress up in the sluttiest outfits known to man! She looks like she’s in fancy dress and on her way to a pimps and ho's party whenever you see her, and don’t get me started on the make up…

Another great role model for our impressionable daughters…

Ah, children.

A woman knows all about her children. .........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

The tattoist should have asked for proof of age!!!

Can't really see the problem with this one...Aaron was like this every morning/lunch time/dinner time/mid morning/bedtime/middle of the night...

Football hooligan!

Start 'em young!

This is pretty tempting!

Sadly, all mine have tried this very thing!

Yick!

Wish i'd thought of this!

Boys Show No Fear!