Sally's World

Seeing as it's after three o'clock in the morning and everyone else in the house is sound asleep. It seems like a good time to tackle the issue's surrounding insomnia. I have no hope of getting to sleep next to Dave's freight train like snoring anyhow. It wouldn't be so bad if there was something decent on the telly at this time of the morning...there never is, although I am now somewhat of an expert on African and Indian wild life.

Insomnia is something that I have suffered with for so long now, that I don't even think anything of it anymore. And this is a problem I share with several mums and dads I know. It seems to frequently go hand in hand with having special needs kids.

I know exactly why it began; Aaron had sleep disturbance from day one, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time no matter what, so I had to get used to having short bursts of sleep whenever he did. Of course the other children came along and it was no longer possible to do that, and Dave was working full time, so I never expected him to do the waking nights (besides it would have taken a small explosion to wake Dave once asleep) so I just got used to having less sleep.

Although this may be a major factor in my extreme clumsiness of course!I was always, stumbling out of bed, stubbing my toe, tripping down the stairs, and the kids learnt some rather choice words too.

I guess my body just trained itself to adjust, I got into a routine of four hours sleep and that was that. Of course when Aaron became oxygen dependant, he needed someone with him 24 hours a day. He needed suction, percussion physio, and of course he was tube fed, so it was an every minute job. A family support worker we had recently met did come and see us, and was clearly shocked at how shattered I looked ('you look shattered' I believe actually translates to 'good god woman you look rough')and so she arranged for a nurse to come and sit with Aaron three nights a week for six hours at a time.

So that's when I slept...from midnight to six am on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I was up every minute of every other day. I did doze of a couple of times, once while I was actually standing up doing the ironing would you believe and another time while I was in the middle of changing a nappy (just a wet one luckily). But I got used to it, and I valued those precious hours in bed.

So I guess my insomnia is self inflicted in some ways, and I now find it impossible to sleep normal hours. It's not my brain or my body's fault, I've deprived it of sleep for so long, it's getting it's own back now.

Besides, you don't really want to be in the same room as me if I've had more than four hours sleep, I'm a nightmare, I bounce off the walls and run around like a Tasmanian devil on acid. Dave and the kids joke about not sitting still for to long in case they get dusted, polished, painted or tidied.

But on the other hand, I don't think I'd get everything done if I had to take four hours out of my schedule. I need another three hours in the day as it is! Twenty hour days seem extreme, but I think my life's pretty extreme. There are too many things I want to achieve to spend too much time sleeping I suppose. of course, the odd lay in would be good.

Night night, sleep tight!

Sal x

Did you have cycling proficiency tests at school? You know the week, where every day a group of people came in to the school, gave you hints on riding and manoeuvring, then took you out on the road to make sure you knew all about road safety…you even get a certificate, which comes in handy when you want to prove to your parents that you are old enough and responsible enough to go out on the road without them….of course being brought home by the local policewoman for stunt riding in the town centre negates it all, but oh well!!! (one of my brothers not me)

So Deion’s school this week are doing just this, and Deion can join in, but only because Deion has a specially adapted tricycle, it is ultra cool, with Harley style handlebars, special pedals with ankle straps to hold his feet in and a special body brace and harness on top of the saddle. He loves it, it gets his legs moving and it means he can join in with everyone else.

But then I realised, there are two other kids in wheelchairs, who can’t join in, because they haven’t got a bike/tricycle…of course, they are ultra expensive to buy, we fund raised and got the variety club to help with Deion’s, but it wasn’t easy, there is a waiting list, there’s forms and criteria, and as with everything else it means a contribution. Not everyone has it, not now a days, so there are kids missing out on the usual stuff, stuff we all take for granted.

I was talking to Trojan (Trojans corner) and we were discussing how Deion is at that age now where he is realising he can’t do what his friends can. It breaks my heart to think of him having to look on while his friends do all the things he wishes he could. At least this is one thing he can do. And he is thoroughly enjoying it, I’m so proud of him, he’s coming home with his legs aching but a big grin on his face….what more can I ask.

As you know by now Trojan (Trojans Corner) and I have been taking salsa classes for a while, we love it, and we go to a really small, friendly club to learn. It’s a great place to begin as everyone is learning and no-one makes you feel bad if you mess up…

As we have progressed, we tried a different club this week. I loved the class, the instructor broke down the steps, it was harder, more of a challenge and I think we’ll learn a lot…but unlike our usual class…there was an underlying bitchy element.

But Trojan said he didn’t notice, he thought everyone was friendly…how little does he know? Of course, the women were friendly TO HIM!!!! Trojan’s about six foot three and bloody gorgeous, not that he thinks of himself that way, and there is soooo much more to him, he’s the sweetest, most supportive guy… but he is a good looking guy, its okay, he knows, he must do, he has a mirror right?

So yes, of course the women were friendly (and for friendly read flirting outrageously) with him. Me…not so much, I got looked up and down, I got thrown looks, snubbed a bit and disliked a bit…but only by a few of the women, everyone else was fine.

Why are women like this with each other???

Well, if I'm negletful of your blogs at the moment, it's only because Deion has Laryngitis...of course, you'd think it would shut him up, but not Deion, he's managing to be demanding still.

I am worn out, run ragged, had two hours sleep in the last three days and am going stir crazy from being stuck in the house.

Of course I have some guilt to deal with on top of that...when I was a kid, I would have to have a concussion, a nosebleed, chickenpox and possibly be missing a limb to get a day off school...so when Deion moaned about a sore throat the other morning, I took his temperature (fine) checked his throat (no redness) and got him off to school.

I got a phone call about an hour later saying Deion did have a temperature. So I picked him up, took him straight round the doctors, who confirmed laryngitis...so then I felt bad...and it was made worse when I told the doctor he was fine before school..."but I told you mummy" Deion announced, "I told you I wasn't well, but you said I had to go to school."

So now the doctor thinks I'm a cruel mum...oh well!

Like millions of people I was shocked at the unexpected passing of Michael Jackson. Now, I'm not going to pretend that I was the biggest Michael Jackson fan ever, I'm not going to even pretend I understood him. But I did grow up with the music, the same music that can be listened to and appreciated now, he is an icon, and once again we are reminded that life is short and precious.

We played 'you are not alone' at Aarons funeral as it felt so fitting and is one of Dave's favourites.

I’ve noticed that there is a trend in the e-mails I’m receiving from some of the mums who are following the blogs. That is that many seem to be angry that it is their child who was born with a disability. While I totally understand it, and know it is a perfectly natural reaction to finding out your child has special needs, you cannot allow it to affect your lives.

You have been given the most amazing opportunity. You get to take care of a most precious child, an extra special child. You need to feel blessed and grateful for that. Whilst it is a very different life than many parents and families will experience, it is incredibly rewarding and fulfilling as long as you embrace it wholeheartedly.

So by all means get angry, but direct it at the right people (which definitely is not yourself as some mums feel). My anger is not at having children with disabilities, it is at the system that makes getting my kids what they need so hard. So that anger can be productive, it is the fight and determination that means you will achieve what you need to for yourself and your child.

You cannot let the anger get to you, because it will affect the life you have with your child. If anger is the focus, fun and laughter won’t be, not all the time. And what matters, especially to kids, is fun and laughter. Live life, make it fun, make it count and make sure there are no regrets and ‘should haves’ when you look back.

Of course, you may not see it that same way as I do, not everyone has my views and ways of coping, and I respect that. So please, please feel free to comment and give me your opinion. Also, if I can give you any advice on the practical issues surrounding disability, then you just need to ask, if I can’t help, I bet I know someone who can.

So, word for the day…Gratitude!

Sal xx

Here are a few facts I'm sure you always wanted to know!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the. ..?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes.... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

Okay, so if there was an award for the clumsiest person on the planet, it would be mine, I’ve set my self alight (several times), fallen out of trees, out of cars, off of walls/chairs/steps/stages/horses/bikes, banged my head/toe on everything you can name, fallen up and down the stairs…the list is endless, and everyone is just used to me now…my dad used to call be calamity Jane when I was little, now the names are less flattering, but the gist the same!

But today, I almost scalped myself…and this is new even for me…of course, the other mums at school gasped when I clambered out of the car and they saw me with a little trickle of blood running down my forehead…but it could have happened to anyone…honest!

Silly really, easily done!

It’s a sunny day, so I was in the car, both windows open, a breeze blowing through the car, but I got behind a garbage truck, which, well, didn’t ‘alf pong a bit…so I pressed the button to send the window up. Problem is, my car has a button, which you press once and the window goes all the way to the top…regardless of whether the wind just happens to have blown you hair into the window opening.

OMG! It really hurt, I screamed as I was wrenched against the door by my hair, and while trying to hold on to the wheel, couldn’t find the bloody button quick enough, then I had to stop abruptly, thus throwing me forward, thus freeing me from the firmly closed window, minus a good handful of hair…and I mean handful!

I would have preferred if I wasn’t edging along in traffic on a busy road, that way there would not be witnesses, and I’m sure one little sod took a picture of me clutching my scalp and the clump of hair in the window, on his mobile phone!!!

Now I need to part my hair on the other side to hide the small cut in my hairline, and one side looks decidedly thinner than the other…big sigh.

Please tell me, this isn’t just me, you’ve all done it, right?

I saw this and thought it was really great!

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Okay, so you know when I said it was all sorted, that Deion’s school was going to be adapted and ready…apparently, I lied, or more importantly, Lewisham lied to me. They are stalling, and not signing off on the works, even though they agreed to, the school agreed, the funds are there and allocated….what on earth is wrong with people…I am sick to death of fighting the system.

Now we have had to threaten to sue them….should it really be this hard? Should they not be trying to make life easier?

Another day on the phone!!!!

Deion went to a party today, he loves his friends parties, he likes to dance, eat and flirt with the girls…he always comes home hyper (from all the junk food and pop)and laughing with tales of being a cool dancer…today he came home sad…oh he put a brave face on it, but I knew something was up. So he told us….

First, let me give you some background, Deion has a special cab/mini bus cos its mainstream school…but where we live, the kids who go to special needs school get on big blue busses, Aaron used to get on one. Some little brats are horrid and call them blue bus kids to be cruel…or even worse, I can’t even type it without my blood boiling… 'window lickers’

You know where this is going don’t you…

Yep, one little bastard (sorry can’t put it any better), an older boy, friend of a friend at the party called Deion a ‘window licker’... now of course, the party girls dad had a go, all Deion’s friends stood up for him, but it hurt him.

Now of course, my initial reaction was to find out where he lives, go round there and give him and his parents (who should have taught him better quite frankly) a piece of my mind. I am spitting mad, and I will do this, once I have calmed down enough to know I wont murder them!

But I have to play it down because Jordan and Robyn are so mad, they are ready to maim! They know who he is, and as he is the same age as Robyn, she has reasoned that it’s okay, to go round his house and kick his ass!!! And I have no doubt she could too! Of course, this upset Jordan, who doesn’t want to miss out on the ass kicking! Which in turn made Deion say he should get to do it…and now they are all competing with the best ways to make this boys life a misery…Deion is all for running him over and reversing over him, I am tending to agree.

So they may be laughing about it…but the truth is, at 15, he should know better than to pick on an eleven year old…as Deion said, I don’t care if he was mean to me because he didn’t like me, or because I was younger…but not because of my chair…

Quite frankly, I’m terrified of what kind of prejudice he will meet as he goes through secondary school. We are telling him how to deal with it the best way we can, but is it enough, he’s a confident happy kid, but this knocked his confidence…

Okay, I’m off to find out this address…I wonder if they’ll let me post from prison, what do you think?

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.

By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the examand doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for thetest and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in andaround your home.

EXERCISE ONE:Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

NOW YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

Whatever happened to my dainty little girl that liked all things Barbie, and would only wear pink or lilac, the more frilly/glittery the better.

What happened to my little girl that made me pretend tea in miniature china cups…

Well, apparently this happened……


She’s turned into a ‘I’ll take no rubbish, black belted, forceful, karate kicking ninja child’

Go Robyn...

The population of this country is approximately 60 million.

32 million are retired.

That leaves 28 million to do the work.

There are 17 million in school or at Universities.

Which leaves 11 million to do the work.

Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government.

Leaving 3 million to do the work.

1.2 million are in the armed forces.

Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils.

And that leaves 1 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit.

Leaving 512,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 511,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes.

Is it any wonder that we are in such a mess and that I am stressed out through trying to cope on my own?

Okay, so I know I blog alot, and comment lot, but I appear to have overworked the system...every time I try to leave a comment on one of your blogs, it says 'blogger not available'...annoyingly, it waits until after I've written the comment, and typed in the word verification before it informs me...so I've given up for today...therefore I apologise for my lack of comments, I am checking in on you all, and will try again later on.

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt..
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Finally....

Okay, I DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT have breast cancer... I think I knew deep down that it was just a scare (easy to say now LOL).

I cannot tell you the sense of relief!!!!

I had a good long chat with the docs about treatment for the lump, and the nurse was incredibly helpful. I have declined the drugs for now, as the nurse had lots of great advice on what to do, what to cut out e.t.c so even though it means giving up on chocolate (gasp) and coffee (and red wine!!!) I'd still rather try that first. If that doesn't work, I'll take the drugs.

I have about a million leaflets to look through, all ways of reducing breast pain, and only if it gets too painful will I ask them to step in and do anything about it. Its not vanity, I'm not worried about scars, its more that I don't want to go through a surgery unless I really have to.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for your unwaivering support, you really helped me stay strong and not totally lose the plot.....

Love to you all

Sal xxxxxx

Please warn as many women as possible

THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU...... IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER ... OR TO YOUR SISTER

I was sitting at a local outdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at my table..... I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table and wouldn't leave me alone.

I shined up my ring on my married finger, then placed my hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was not interested in them.

Luckily for me they got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on the Cafe's camera.

I'm sending you this picture as a warning.............. just in case they try and pick you up too.

Honestly, some men think they are God's gift ............................................

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Why wild dolphins in the Bahamas? I know most of you have heard about swimming with dolphins in captivity in special centres, and I hear its incredible. We wanted a different experience though. Before we booked our trip and while we fund raised, I did a lot of reading, (no change there then), I read about the dolphins themselves, and I read about peoples experiences, and most importantly I read about how those people were afterwards.

Now one thing was obvious, no-one came away from their experiences with the dolphins without having had a life altering experience. But one thing became obvious the more I looked into it, and that was that the beneficial effects of swimming with wild dolphins seemed to outlast those of people who swam with captive dolphins.

There's lots of speculation as to why, some reports suggested that as wild dolphins are happier, they can give more. Others simply that the whole experience is freer, and therefore more therapeutic. But just as no one knows quite why dolphins are so beneficial, no one really knows the answers to that question either.

So we went off to look around on the Internet with Aaron on my lap, and he clicked off onto a group called Wild quest. We delved a little deeper and it seemed just what we were looking for.

Not only was this a group that took you out to swim with wild dolphins, it was actually a healing family week. Perfect. So off we went. I'm a bit of a water baby, so I couldn't wait to get there. Dave was a little apprehensive as he'd never swam in the sea before. The kids have no fear of anything, so they just wanted to dive right in and have an adventure.

When we got there, the size of the island was a surprise, it was tiny, and quite underdeveloped, and probably the most natural beautiful place I have ever seen. And the wild quest crew were fantastic with all the kids. They looked straight past Aaron and Deion's physical limitations and saw them for who they are as people. Total acceptance, as many of you know, is very rare indeed.

Although we initially thought we were going for Aaron, we all benefited. Deion, as you all now know has cerebral palsy, and we were not quite prepared for the effect the week would have on him either. All of our faces the first time we caught a glimpse of those magical dolphins gliding through the water must have been a picture. And the noises they make, I can't quite put it into words, but it's a sound that vibrates right through you and makes you feel totally peaceful. Like I said, words are inadequate here.

It wasn't all smooth sailing (pardon the pun). As I said, Dave isn't the best swimmer, I often tease him that he swims like a brick. He has a whole big excuse about his muscle being more dense than ours, closer to the surface, subcutaneous muscle he says, makes you heavier in the water. Whatever Dave!!! The day we saw a tiny baby tiger shark in the water though, his subcutaneous muscle didn't kick in and he practically ran on water to get back to the boat. He shot past me quicker than I've ever seen anyone swim! Of course it would have been better if he hadn't left an eight year old Jordan in the water to fend for himself.

But before you ring social services, don't worry, there were plenty of other people in the water, and Jordan got back to the boat safely. We'll never let Dave live it down though.

Anyway, when we got back; friends, family, teachers and doctors couldn't quite believe the change in Aaron. He was more alert, his eyes were wide open and he had more energy than we knew what to do with. So we broke our necks and got back there every year, every time we touch down in Bimini it feels like coming home, wildquest crew have become family and it became our way of keeping Aaron strong. A sort of secret weapon, if he became week or ill, we booked a flight.

Thats why we scattered Aaron's ashes there, it was like taking him home, now we think of him flying through the waves with his dolphin friends. I know that's where I'd want to be.

Take care, see you soon. xxx

Heard a joke today that made me laugh. So I came home and told the kids. Now Deion is at that age where fart jokes amuse him a great deal..he laughed so hard he tipped over on the chair, he's still going on about it!!!

Here goes!

A man was in a bar when he realised he needed to fart, he tried to hold it in, but it was making his tummy hurt.

As the music was really loud, he decided to time his farts with the beat of the music...after he let out a few farts, he felt much better, but on looking around, he realised everyone was staring at him in disgust

It was only then he remembered he was listening to his i-pod!

Treat all situations as if you were a dog!

If you can't hump it, or eat it.....piss on it and walk away!!!

I have just got back from the hospital, I have had 2 teeth out. I am not feeling great, my face looks like a football and is turning a nice shade of yellow, I got stared at ALOT on the train as I kept dribbling, and making a funny sucky sound when I was trying not too...

The dentist was good, she just had a bit of trouble getting the back tooth out "you have really deep roots," she anounced as she put her knee on my chest for leverage (I'm kidding, but only just).

So now I have a throbbing head and face, every time I speak the kids say "whaaat, whaaat?" I just need to lay down for a while...

No salsa dancing for me tonight!

See you all tomorrow....

My husband has a fast metabolism, he doesn’t gain weight, he is fit and healthy and can run 5k with barely breaking a sweat, he plays football, and even though he eats like a horse, and is in his forties, he’s still trim. Bloody sickening really…I hope it catches up with him one day, just so maybe he’ll throw a bit of empathy my way.

Well, I’ve been having a moan about gaining some weight and said I thought I’d join a gym, maybe slimming world or weight watchers!!!

My darling husband said “you don’t need all that.”

Naturally I smiled, thinking he was telling me I was fine as I was, I waited, wide eyed for a compliment on my lovely body…until….

“No, you don’t need to spend money on all that rubbish, you just need someone to stand behind you and scream RUN!”

"And perhaps cut down on the cakes," he added in case the last blow didn't score a direct hit!

Wow, now I feel really great about myself!!! NOT!

Better get those running shoes!

A friend of mine though this might cheer me up, bearing in mind the amount of mammograms Ihave to have lately...LOL!

A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.'

The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 42-year old arse?'

'Your name never came up,' she replied

Something to consider next time you go shopping for Lipstick.... ...

This comes from someone who works in the breast cancer unit at: Mt. Sinai Hospital, in Toronto: Dr. Nahid Neman

If there is a female you care anything about,share this with her.

I am also sharing this with the males on my e-mail list, because they need to tell the females THEY care about as well!

Recently a lipstick brand called 'Red Earth'Decreased their prices from $67 to $9.90.

It contained lead.

Lead is a chemical which causes cancer.

The lipstick brands that contain lead are:

CHRISTIAN DIOR
LANCÔME
CLINIQUE
Y.S.L
ESTEE LAUDER
SHISEIDO
RED EARTH (Lip Gloss)
CHANEL (Lip Conditioner)
MARKET AMERICA-MOTNES LIPSTICK.

The higher the lead content, the greater the chance of causing cancer.

After doing a test on lipsticks, it was found that the Y.S.L. Lipstick contained the most amount of lead.

Watch out for those lipsticks Which are supposed to stay longer. If your lipstick stays longer, it is because of the higher content of lead.

Here is the test you can do yourself:

1. Put some lipstick on your hand.
2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick.
3. If the lipstick color changes to black,

Then you know the lipstick contains lead.

Please send this information to all your girlfriends, Wives and female family members.

This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Centre

Dioxin Carcinogens cause cancer, especially breast cancer.

I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING YESTERDAY.

I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.

A friend (used here in the losest sense) sent me this, he thinks he's funny!!!

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call, telling me that she had narrowly escaped injury. Seems she was forced to make an emergency landing approaching Gatwick because of bad weather.

The CAA issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to lack of fuel. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene to show the wreckage.

A friend will stop you from over reacting....a BEST freind will be walking beside you rolling up her sleeves!!!

A freind will encourage you to call the police...a BEST friend will help you bury the body!!!!

If Con is the opposite of Pro...

Does that mean Congress is the opposite of Progress???

Just wondered!

Do you know why we’re not valued? … I'm sick of this sort of thing happening!

When I got caught up in a fight about the education department's duty of care to my son earlier, they all looked shocked...why??? was it because I was eloquent and knew my rights??? they even asked me what I did, I said I was a full time mum..then someone (who is still living...just!) said "but you're not JUST a mum are you?" ermmm.... what???? JUST a mum!!!

Sorry for my short and slightly depressing post last night, it’s just been a couple of days of ‘one thing after another’

We thought Deion’s school hygiene room was sorted, but when I went to check on the work, the education department have it all so tied up in red tape, they don’t know if it will be done in time…another day on the phone and writing letters, just making sure they understand what their duty of care is.

We have builders in making a suitable place for us all to live and to give Deion his own self contained space….total nightmare, we just seems to be throwing money (we don’t have) at it and it seems like progress is going backwards.

I had a puncture, and had to wait for ever for the AA man and then pay roughly a weeks wages for a new tyre!

My tooth is killing me, I have to go and have oral surgery next Wednesday…I only care because it means I’ll probably have to miss salsa.

Money went missing from my account, and it took me a couple of hours and a few more grey hairs to get it straight.

The hospital have lost my test results, so I need to go back and redo them.

Deion has been getting tummy ache, so we went to see the bowel and bladder specialist yesterday afternoon, his bladder is hanging onto it, so he has to have tablets, if that doesn’t work he’ll need catheterising…I think he’ll hate this, but its another waiting game. And a full bladder study, poor little guy. I do feel like I am failing to protect him from ANYTHING these days.

My husband has probably worked about 60 out of the last 80 hours!

I’ve put on four pounds, and I don’t know how!!! I HAVE NOT been overeating, I guess it seems shallow to worry about it with everything else going on, but it pisses me off none the less…and I am in full self pitying mode now…

Right, I better had go, I am going to salsa tonight with Trojan Trojan's Corner and I am soooo looking forward to switching off for an hour or two…having said that I’ll probably get run over, struck by lightening or mugged the way my days have been going!!!

Why does life seem so bloody difficult...sometimes it just feels like one kick in the teeth after another!

A friend of mine told me this story, and I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair.

She'd moved home and found out there was a mouse problem. Now being a friends of the earth, vegetarian, animal lover, pacifist (no seriously she is) she didn't want to actually harm it.

So she got the humane traps, but the mouse got the cheese, and outsmarted the traps, and by this time my friend is thinking it was a genius mouse that probably ran the other owners out of the house in it's deviousness...

Eventually her partner made her realise they were going to have to kill this mouse...

So they got a traditional trap. Except the mouse (obviously not so smart after all) went into the trap arse first, which meant the mechanism sprung and instead of killing it instantly (as her partner promised) it broke its back!

So my (now distraught) friend said she had to put it out of its misery, so she put it in a bag and hit it against the wall...the mouse was still squirming and squeaking, so she decided to drown it, so she filled the sink with water and was pushing this mouse under...but kept chickening out at the last minute. So she thought she'd put it back in the bag and stamp on it (OMG), but she couldn't do it, so she was back to the bag against the wall thing again...

So of course, by this point in the story I was crying with laughter....and in an accusatory tone told her in her quest to be humane, she tortured the poor thing for half an hour before it died....goodness, the only thing they didn't try was setting the poor thing alight!!!

It's one of those awful stories that are so ridiculous you can't help but scream with laughter. What must have been going through the mouse's mind??? The fact that my friend was actually upset made it worse...I'm a horrid friend and have no compassion for defenceless mice it seems!

No seriously.... don't..... they have guns now!