Living With Loss.  

Monday, 20 October 2008

A couple of people have asked me on earth they are supposed to deal with losing their child. Two were mothers who's children have recently passed away, four were mothers who have children with terminal illnesses.

Well, the truth is, you don't, not all the time. There are no rules about how you react, what you need to do to get through it and there are certainly no time limits. The most overused saying of all time has to be 'time heals everything'. Not true, time just brings acceptance.

After Aaron passed away, I went into denial for a long time, I'd pretend he was at school and he was coming home, I think my heart would have broken if I knew that I would never see him again. So your brain lets little bits in at a time I think, and with time passing, all that happens is that you cannot avoid the inevitable truth.

What I had to do was learn to think differently, I had to realise that I would see Aaron again one day, just not here on earth, and I had to realise that as a child that was part of me, he will always be a part of me. I carry him with me in my heart wherever I go. He was the person who made me who I am today, so how can he not be with me every step I take.

So, no, for me, time hasn't healed and I can't imagine it ever will, I will feel the loss every day for the rest of my life. But it is also that sense of loss that keeps me strong and determined. What I have realised, is that I have had to learn to live with it, accept that I'll have a different life now, but also be grateful that its the life Aaron shaped for me.

You know we never really have to say goodbye, we just carry our child differently to the way we know, and are used to. And we have to realise they are watching over us and will be waiting for us when its our time to go.

So my advice would be; for those who still have their children, live life while you can, appreciate and cherish every moment, make it count. And for those who have lost their children, hang on to your memories and the love you feel, no-one can take those things away. There's no time for regret and recrimination, think of what your child would want for you. I know Aaron would want us happy and laughing...or up to some sort of mischief!

But you do have to find your own way to cope, and sadly no-one can tell you what that is. My way of coping is in all the things I do every day to pass on a legacy for Aaron. I have three children to raise into adulthood, three children looking to me for guidance on how to cope, and I need to set an example for them, create something possitive for them to hang on to. Because, I certianly wasn't the only person who lost Aaron, he is missed by hundreds of people.

We all just shre one common thing, we are all grateful we knew him.

Take care

Sally and Aaron xxxx

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