Monday, 31 August 2009
yep, I was fed up and I just ate a cake, and do go thinking we are talking a cup cake, even a small, "serves seven" effort...nope, a "serves 12, chocolate decadence..."
I feel a little sick....bblllluuurrrghhhhh!!!!
yep, I was fed up and I just ate a cake, and do go thinking we are talking a cup cake, even a small, "serves seven" effort...nope, a "serves 12, chocolate decadence..."
I feel a little sick....bblllluuurrrghhhhh!!!!
I like to think of myself as a fairly calm person, I feel I have had alot to deal with in life, and I always pick myself up, dust myself off and start again.
Okay, so I can almost hear you all scoffing in amazement, and I know I have told you all about a few of the times I have gotten very angry...but that doesn't count, they were all instances of protecting/sticking up for my children, everyone knows that's 'free' anger...
But there are just days when I feel so bloody angry I actually want to jump up and down and have a full blown tantrum.
It's not anything specific, its just a feeling, I don't get it, there are days when people are so rude to me, or so horrid to me, and I can smile and let it go, then there are days when a tiny thing, no-ones doing, can send me over the edge.
I'm pretty good at hiding it (surprise surprise) but where does it go, what happens to the internalised anger???
Okay, we're stranded, Deion's wheelchair broke down yesterday....the repair man came out today to fix it, after lots of chin rubbing, lots of head shaking, muttering about parts and components, he announced he couldn't fix it, he had to order parts. So he's taken it away, as he didn't have the right tools.
I guess mechanics are mechanics!
I am now panicking about Deion having it for return to school....
We had to go back to the school outfitters for one more thing today, and I think I did something silly...but for the right reason (I think!!!) When I was paying, the proprietor said that he was going to give me a discount for Deion.... now, I know what your thinking, "keep your mouth shut, take the discount..." but not me, before I knew it my mouth had overridden my brain (AGAIN!!!) and said 'WHY?'
The guy probably thought he was being nice, but it smacked of pity, no-one else got money off, does a wheelchair entitle you to discount in any other store....ermmm...no!
In my defense, if I hadn't asked, Deion would have. Its hards treating him the same as everyone else is it...big sigh!
I'm a proud mum, Jordan passed all his exam's (seventeen SEVENTEEN!!!) All A's apart from a couple of B's and one C (German). He got an A star in Chemistry....
Huge sigh of relief and pride!
Well done J xxxxxxx
Jordan has gone to school to get his exam results.
I'm not really worried (she says as she paces the room and bites her nails), Jordan is brighter than most, certainly left me behind in the school work years ago. He's not nervous, he says he knows he's aced them (note to self, do something about Jordan's confidence levels)
Its a first for me, even though he isn't my eldest, Aaron never took exams, even if he'd still been with us he wouldn't have. His achievements were measured in many other, and quite frankly, more fun ways by his school.
It will be different again for Deion. Deion has already shown some nervousness about his. He's just done the Sat's at primary and he found it quite stressful. He got extra time, there is a system so that depending on disability, extra time is awarded, and Deion can even have a scribe for some parts, and can use his specially adapted computer for others.
But all this stuff is time consuming, so even though Deion knows his stuff, he finds it hard to record it in time.
I've told him not to worry about it now, its three years away (but oh my, how quick that will pass)
I guess its just one other thing he has to deal with.....
Deion has come up with a new slogan, he's very proud of himself, he's been wearing 'Wheelchair Demon' and 'Wicked on Wheels' for a while, and he asked me if he could have a 'skills on Wheels' one.
So here it is, what do you think? This is the first time we've used the gold and silver lettering too.
I was reflecting earlier at the difference of Deion going on to secondary school as opposed to Jordan and Robyn going.
When it was their turn, I stressed about making sure we had all the right uniform and stationary,and I worried about the size of the school and them getting lost because they were used to such a small primary school, but it struck me how different it was this time, how different the things I am scared of are!
While we were in the school outfitters and we were trying on Blazers, we had to consider different things, after all, Deion's going to be sitting in a wheelchair, the blazer has to be comfy for that, not too stiff, a bit longer so he can sit on it so it doesn't bunch up around him. We tried on 12 before we found a suitable one. It took me about a year to explain to the salesman that the trousers had to be slightly longer, as he sits down all day, therefore come up short, (he hates his socks showing).
The bag needs to be bigger and sit right on the wheelchair handles, he has to fit so much stuff in, his shoes need to be easy to take off and on so that his toileting care wont take longer than necessary.
I'll have to make a big pad delivery out of school hours so that he has all he needs and his school friends don't see and tease about 'nappies.'
I need to pick up the months menu to make sure he's eating what is manageable for him.
Of course, Deion wont have the option of taking the shortest route to each class as he has to go the accessible way, or via the elevator. We have to pick up his lift key
We have met the 4 people who will be responsible for all of Deion's personal care and toileting needs. We have met his one to one classroom assistant
The school have ordered the height adjustable tables for his wheelchair to sit under, re arranged every class so Deion can manoeuvre, ordered the hoists, changing beds, cabinets e.t.c
We even have the whole school to ourselves the day before everyone else starts so Deion and all the workers involved can get used to each other.
Then theres Jordan and Robyn's preparation
We walked into the school outfitters, said 'we'll have that, that, that and two of them and left!
Thank you for all Your get well wishes and e-mails, Deion is now fully recovered from his operation. He still managed a smile for me bless him, he's made of strong stuff this one!!!
As it is nearing the end of the summer holidays, and we didn't get away this year what with all Deions illnesses!!! I thought I'd post one of my favourite holiday memories, we were in Orlando, just chilling in the pool, it was a hundred degrees out, we spent the whole day playing, just getting out of the pool for ice cream every now and then!
It was July 2005 and the last time Aaron was out in Florida with us, all the more reason to treasure the precious memories.
If you want to see our adapted Villa, or know anyone who would benefit from a stay there, go to http://www.yourdreamvillas.com/ or http://www.heavensspecialchild.co.uk/
Okay, I promise, these are the last swine flu jokes, a collection of the best ones that people forwarded to Deion via e-mail and face book. I thought you might like them, they made him squeal with laughter (sorry, couldn't resist)
I called the Swine Flu hotline - all I got was crackling
The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu.
I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu - I think he's just telling porkies!
The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.
IF YOU GET AN EMAIL ABOUT SWINE FLU DELETE IT AS ITS ONLY
Swine flu however, is not a problem for the pigs because
they're all going to be cured anyway!
News Flash .... This just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the
Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu.
Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.
I just heard on the news that "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?
This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal.
It is a mild hamdemic,don't believe the spam you're getting.
Okay, so we had guests for dinner, guests I didn't want but all the same, there they were, all sitting at the dining table, waiting to criticize me.
My husband said grace, blessed the food gave thanks for the company...
All the while I said my own grace...it was more along the lines of,
Please God let me get through this meal without stabbing ------- in the eye with my fork, let me put up with -------'s talk of all bodily functions without vomiting in my food, and please, please God if ------ moans about my parenting/housekeeping/cooking skills once more, then please strike her down with a lightening bolt (try to miss my favourite serving dish if you can).... failing that, just kill me now.
Luckily my guests all had their heads bowed in prayer, and Deion was the only one who noticed I was making stabbing motions in my chest with the knife.
Trojan of Trojans corner videoed a review that inspired me to take the kids to see this film. And I'm glad it did, we all really enjoyed, it, lots of fighting and chase action, some humour, a love interest. What I loved is the fact that it wasn't just one main character, they all had their own Little story, even the baddies....
Definitely worth going to see
Well it turns out, anxiety and stress is a good way to burn calories....I appear to have lost a few pounds....goodness knows how, at the hospital my diet consisted of about sixty cups of sugary vending machine coffee a day, twenty candy bars and a couple of cardboard sandwiches, since we've been home I'm eating more than normal.... but the scales insist I'm five pounds lighter....strange...
I'm trying not to be too pleased, does it seem shallow????
I know you have all heard me talk of my good friend Trojan, well, his mum has started a blog too, it is definitely worth reading, Gloria speaks of uprooting her life in London to live in Spain, she talks lovingly and with humour of her husband, her dogs and her new home...go here to see her new blog.... http://gloriacarringtonferrira.blogspot.com/
My favourite posts are 'the day I met my prince' (I actually barked with laughter and made the kids jump) and the poem 'every time I see your face'... it's simply beautiful.
I've known Gloria for a few years, mainly through conversations with Trojan, and I feel that I know quite alot about her, her strength and how she raised her sons alone, she certainly didn't have an easy life. What I love about her blog is that you get to see a softer side of her, a playful side...
welcome to the world of blogging Gloria.
Thank you so much for your messages to us both, you all warm my heart.
A new day, and Deion's feeling a bit stronger, happy to be home.
I am shattered!
I expected to get into bed and be instantly asleep, seeing as I'm totally exhausted, but instead I spent the night plagued with thoughts of 'what if?'
Is this something you all do too?
What if I hadn't got Deion straight down the doctors?
What if I'd waited?
What if he hadn't been cautious and sent us to the hospital?
What if they've sent him home to soon?
What if, What if, What if........
I know it serves no purpose, its a waste of energy, counter productive, but its been haunting me all night.
At the hospital there was no time, I was next to Deion's bed making sure he had what he needed, stroking his hair away from his head, reassuring him....In my own bed, listening for Deion in the next room, I found it impossible to switch off.
I am grateful beyond imagining that he is okay, I know I could be sitting here saying 'if only...' but I can't quite seem to shake the anxiety.
My emotions seem to be a little close to the surface today.....Sorry!
Goodness, me, sorry for my absence from my own and your blogs this last week, we had a bit of an emergency!
Poor old Deion seems to be going through it at the moment, he complained of a tummy ache last week Thursday, and being the (often criticized) over protective mother that I am, I took him straight to our family doctor, who sent us straight to the hospital to be checked over, they took some bloods, diagnosed appendicitis, admitted him and got him to theatre...the appendix had perforated and leaked, so he was on IV anti-biotics for five days,threw up when they tried to get him eating and couldn't poop....so we didn't get home until today.
We are glad to be home, he is feeling pretty good now, but between the laryngitis, then the swine flu, then the appendicitis, he must be waiting to see what happens next. Amazingly, hes still smiling, what a star.
I need to catch my breath and I'll get back on the blog. I have some posts to catch up on!
Also I think I need a good chiropractor, the fold down bed I slept on (attempted to sleep on) next to Deion's bed for the last week has left me feeling like a ninety year old woman with arthritis!
All in all its been a bit scary and left me feeling a bit shell shocked, I'm doing my usual thing of sticking a smile on it, and getting on with it, but its got me realising once again how fragile life is. And just how terrified I am that something will happen to another one of my children.
Wow, sometimes its amazing how unappreciated we feel isn't it. For someone who spends about 90% of their time doing stuff for other people, you'd think I'd here the word 'thanks' alot more.
These are incredible, and something I'm looking into for Deion, as you know I hate the thought of him missing out on anything just becasue he's confined to a chair, and one of these will mean we can do more together as a family. Of course, they look totally cool too. I was touched by this families story and how they didn't let disability stop them doing what they loved as a family, wonderful example to set for thier kids too, truly inspirational.
7 years ago life as the Sodens knew it took a turn. Liz and Brad were involved in an accident after their tire blew near Parker, Arizona and the car went flying. Liz broke her back and doctors told her she would never walk again. Prior to that day, Liz had big plans. She was a school bus driver and was working to join the sheriff's department. Now everything was different.
What didn't change, however, was the Soden's love of outdoors. Liz and Brad, together, have 5 kids and the 7 of them liked to camp. But before Liz was the "do-er," and now she could do nothing. They would sit her down near the campfire and she would watch. She felt useless and it drove her to tears. In 2002 the Sodens were stay in a cabin in the woods, to their surprise a herd of elk came walking through there camp. The kids having never seen an elk before, woke up and rushed outside. Liz got in her power chair and wanted to see the elk too. As she went outside the elk had moved on about 100 yards and you could not see them through the dense trees. As they started walking closer they had to keep stopping to help Liz get her power chair unstuck from the soft dirt surrounding the cabin. By the time Brad and Liz could get through the trees, the elk had gone. It was at that moment Brad felt compelled to act. "I wanted her to have no obstacles," he says, "we look at it as just ‘cause you're disabled doesn't mean you can't have a good time." Brad stepped into his garage to work on a solution that would enable his wife to go where no other wheel chair bound person had gone before. People scoffed, Brad was a plumber and a fireman, how could he come up with a powerful, motorized wheel chair? But somehow Liz knew her husband would do it. Two years later, he did.
To read more go to http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.tankchair.com/img/img2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.tankchair.com/about.htm&usg=__uX9Dlg874UIdgBcVmFaRHb2CGgg=&h=363&w=360&sz=149&hl=en&start=3&tbnid=7qrG1bh1YtXz3M:&tbnh=121&tbnw=120&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dall%2Bterrain%2Bwheelchairs%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG
i need to ring the Guinness book of world records, the BBC, the queen...i think that today we have achieved a new world record!
Deion was not best pleased when I woke him at 6.30 on a non-school day, but we had an 8.30 appointment. Deion had a fitting for his new soft splint (stops his left wrist becoming to bent over), then went straight into a 9.15 appointment to pick up his new hard splint (wears this a night for same reason) then we went off to the dentist for 10.30 (all good) then off to physio for 11.30 (hard work, new exercises from muscle wastage when he was ill) we had to be at the doctors by 12, then to the nurse by 12.30 for a blood test. then i grabbed him some lunch (worthless no good McDonald's as a bribe) and we had to be at the dietitian for 1.45 (more supplements cos lost weight while oinking with swine flu) off to the hospital for his chest x-ray (still slight chest infection) and then off to the wheelchair clinic by 3pm to be fitted for a new harness. had to be home by 4.30 as the guy was coming to service Deion's hospital bed...
whats that 10? 11? appointments, ridiculous, gotta be a record! none of these places are more than 4 miles from home, yet somehow I've clocked up 70 miles in the car today???
Why you ask?? (me too) it just worked out that way, all we have to do tomorrow is go to the new school to make sure they have the right toilet chair, drop the car in so they can fix the ramp and go grocery shopping....oh, and Deions got friends round for tea...will seem quiet in comparison.
OMG, I have been attacked in the park, I had to run for my life, I was terrified. I was quietly walking through the park having a rare 30 minutes to myself as Deion was joining in his fun day...when I felt someone pinch my bottom. I turned round sharply to see a goose looking at me menacingly...it lurched, I screamed I ran, he ran, I screamed some more, ran some more, it was bloody horrible....
And not one person helped, while I was running wildly, arms flying, screaming at it, and making threats of catching, killing and cooking the f*****g bird if it didn't b****r off (I was trying to scare it with empty threats at this point), not one person attempted to grab it, throw something at it or rescue me.....
Plenty laughed though at my misfortune, by the time the bird given me a couple of sharp pecks on the ankles and lost interest, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I don't do running....goodness, I need to get down the gym, and possibly buy and air rifle before I venture back in the park.
A friend sent me this, I thought it was sweet, and way too true! I am passing it on to you all to remind you to realise your own worth and the worth of the women in your life....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Why didn't anyone ever share this fairy tale with me when I was growing up?????
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!'
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said: 'NO!'
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, ate chocolate, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, nevercried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.
Well, I managed it, I actually managed a to come back the moment it was needed.
Now road workers (although I'm sure there are a few exceptions) have always amazed me, the way they bellow their (often depraved) sexual needs at women in the hope that one day one of these women will just be overcome and demand said workman fulfills his needs then and there...it could happen right???
So today as I walked past three men working on the roadside, I got yelled at...now he could have been my dream man, it was hard to tell with the sun glinting off of his bald red head, and the sweat running through his bulky hairy shoulders and back, he may have had a good physique under that rug like body, may have had a good package even, but it was hidden in the overhang of his belly...yep, and his turn of phrase was exquisite!
"NICE TITS," he yelled.
"THANKS, THEY'RE ALMOST AS BIG AS YOURS," I yelled back.
"SUCK MY DICK," he said (he was probably embarrassed as his co-workers were laughing at him)
"ARE YOU'RE SURE YOU'VE GOT ONE, YOU CAN'T HAVE SEEN IT FOR YEARS UNDER THAT GUT OF YOURS," I smiled back.
Well anyway, I managed a comeback instead of just putting my head down and walking on...
And here's the worst bit...I actually felt a Little guilty for this male chauvinist pig, how low must his self esteem be to yell at women like that, it must be hard to look in the mirror every morning to see the body of a woolly mammoth and the head of a ten pin bowling ball...poor guy!