Plagued by thoughts of 'What if?'  

Friday, 14 August 2009

Thank you so much for your messages to us both, you all warm my heart.

A new day, and Deion's feeling a bit stronger, happy to be home.

I am shattered!

I expected to get into bed and be instantly asleep, seeing as I'm totally exhausted, but instead I spent the night plagued with thoughts of 'what if?'

Is this something you all do too?

What if I hadn't got Deion straight down the doctors?
What if I'd waited?
What if he hadn't been cautious and sent us to the hospital?
What if they've sent him home to soon?
What if, What if, What if........

I know it serves no purpose, its a waste of energy, counter productive, but its been haunting me all night.

At the hospital there was no time, I was next to Deion's bed making sure he had what he needed, stroking his hair away from his head, reassuring him....In my own bed, listening for Deion in the next room, I found it impossible to switch off.

I am grateful beyond imagining that he is okay, I know I could be sitting here saying 'if only...' but I can't quite seem to shake the anxiety.

My emotions seem to be a little close to the surface today.....Sorry!

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18 comments: to “ Plagued by thoughts of 'What if?'

  • Maureen@IslandRoar
    14 August 2009 at 14:36  

    I think that's so normal. It's as if your brain has been through a trauma and has to keep processing it until it's done.
    I also think we as moms play the "what if" game; we can't seem to help it.
    He's okay. You did everything right!
    And now he's home safe with you.
    Just give your brain a couple of days to catch up.

  • Trojan Gayle
    14 August 2009 at 16:24  

    Maureen is right, its just human nature and that what we tend to do is reflect on situations at wonder what if. The main thing is that you did something and everything worked out for the best. Life is way to hard without playing the what if game. Play the thank God I done that game instead!

  • Becca
    14 August 2009 at 16:42  

    That is definitely normal! I find myself doing it all the time when I have really no reason at all to be doing so. You are a great Momma and are doing everything you can. Rest that pretty little head of yours!

  • Randi Troxell
    14 August 2009 at 18:25  

    there will always be a millions what if's... but he's ok now.. and thats what matters!

  • RileyScott
    14 August 2009 at 18:32  

    I'm an ocean away from you and I had some of the same thoughts myself this morning. It's just natural Sally. Don't worry about it. You did the right thing, and everything worked out.

    Don't dwell

  • Cammie
    14 August 2009 at 19:00  

    think that is totally the norm. So thankful that he is okay!

  • Deb
    14 August 2009 at 19:26  

    i don't have any good advice on how to "turn off your head"... i have been feeling similar feelings over the past couple of weeks, so i sympathize.

    deion is so lucky to have you... and when it really counts, you follow your awesome instinct and are there for him to make sure he gets the care he needs. it's in the quiet moments that things can really start to mess with your head.

    you are one strong lady! now go try to get some sleep!!

  • ~Tom~
    14 August 2009 at 19:31  

    It is normal. I did it when my oldest was hit by a car. We did what we needed to and got him to a hospital and he was banged up but otherwise fine. that night I sat and cried and cried. I kept thinking "what if?..." Part of that comes from the fact that when I was a kid, my best friend found out "what if" when he ran in front a car and was killed.

    So you are not alone Sally. As you can see by all the comments, we all do it at some point.

  • Linda
    14 August 2009 at 19:45  

    Try not to play the "What if" game if you can help it. Deion is fine, and you are fine, and we have all been in a similar situation.

    We are all so glad he is okay. That is what counts.

    My youngest son fell into the basement of our house as it was being built...not once but 2x. Just knocked the air out of him. Of course, my hubby thought I needed to be watching him more closely. I agree with him, but it's over now.

  • Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short)
    14 August 2009 at 20:55  

    Sally, the what if's are so normal after going through something as scary as that! As mom's, we take on so much responsibility that we tend to believe that we should be able to control all of it. That's not realistic. We are humans. We do our best and WE PRAY that our best is the best for our kids!

  • J.J. in L.A.
    14 August 2009 at 23:38  

    It's probably just stress because you didn't have time to feel it while things were happening.

    You, the Dr., and the hospital did everything right. Concentrate on that : )

  • Melinda
    15 August 2009 at 05:02  

    I think it is a woman thing...we just can't seem to turn our brains off at the end of the day.

    So glad to hear he's doing okay!!

  • Sassypants Wifey
    15 August 2009 at 07:52  

    I do think its totally normal to feel that way. Sorry to hear about the rough time. Try not to think about the what ifs, you are a great Momma and did exactly what Deion needed! Good for you for being proactive! Hope you get some sleep soon. Best wishes for everyones health!

  • BoufMom9
    15 August 2009 at 08:03  

    HOLY cow Sally! I just read through the other post about Deion and I am so so glad you listened to your gut! There is nothing wrong with being an overprotective mummy. If you didn't advocate for your child, who would?

    Boy, I can just imagine myself doing the same thing. (I have) We never allow it to register in our hearts/minds until the scare has passed because a mama has to be strong for her babies. It's the "after" that gets us.
    Make sure you take care of yourself!

    ps So sorry i haven't been around. With this moving, it's been INSANE.

  • Sally's World
    15 August 2009 at 10:04  

    well i've just read through all your comments and had a good cry, its amazing how people so far away can make you feel so less alone. I seem to have found a whole load of parents just like me in the blog world that I have never been able to find in person.

    It's time to stop dwelling and being thankful...

    thank you all so very much xxxx

  • C.M. Jackson
    16 August 2009 at 07:04  

    Sally--given what you have been through in the last few months I think you deserve a break--the 'what if' game will subside as soon as you let yourself relax--remember to take care of you--blessings c

  • Gloria
    16 August 2009 at 14:06  

    Once again Sally, your writings have reduced me to tears . . it always seems as if your talking to me. That's the beauty of your blog. I do this overthinking thing all the time with no real good reason . . it's just me. I have heard so much about you through Trojan, who has only love for you, and now through your column. I love that you always appear so positive and, as I said to Trojan, I always leave your blog feeling as if I've been hugged. Thanks Sal. . . and in case you need one . . a big hug to you!!!!

  • Anonymous
    18 August 2009 at 21:58  

    I totally understand and do the same thing with Shaun whenever that happens. I think it is a mom thing. But like you said, you can't worry about the what ifs, just move on and sounds like everything is turning out to be ok. :-D

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