Sally's World

Hell, Michigan, USA...imagine having to tell your new pastor/minister/vicar where you're from!

Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada..I have nothing to say!

Wetwang, UK..Oh dear!

Boring, Oregon, USA...

Intercourse, Pennsylvania, USA ...The 'welcome' message makes this worse somehow!

Crotch Crescent, UK....

Middelfart, in central Denmark....I think I might know some people from here!!!

Anyone who knows me, knows I am kind of clumsy…okay, I under-exaggerate, I’m very clumsy. I try to blame it on my constant lack of sleep, but the truth is I’ve been like it my whole life; my dad nicknamed me Calamity Jane when I was about six years old. I wouldn't say I'm the clumsiest person in the world...maybe just in the southern hemisphere!

And today is right up there with the top ten of my most embarrassing moments. And that’s saying something considering, I’ve walked into plate glass windows, shut my hair in shop doors and nearly scalped myself, fallen off a pier, fallen in rivers and out of trees (yes, sadly, quite recently!), set fire to myself more than once, bounced right off trampolines….the list is endless…

Today, I was rushing as usual; I had twenty minutes to get to the bank before Deion had to be at a physio appointment. So I parked the van, unclipped my seatbelt, swung the door open and started to climb out…only my seatbelt hadn’t unclipped all the way, and my arm was sort of caught in it, "ULK" I said as I kind of somersaulted out of the van, legs over my head and everything, and landed on my backside on the floor.

It would have been okay if it wasn’t a van and quite high up, and even better if it wasn’t by a really busy part of the town centre…

I have a bruised butt, a grazed knee and I may have broken my wrist and a couple of ribs!!!!, but my pride was hurt the most. Oh, and I need to find another bank/place to shop!

Ouch!

No good if the pavement's hot...or cold...or dirty!

Very Comfy!

Handy I suppose, if you start to feel peckish while you're out and about!

Not to be worn to animal lovers convention!

My son wants to know if there's a boy version of this!

What to do with all that extra packing foam!

Handy if you need to open a bottle of wine!

No Comment!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws''

A friend sent me this e-mail, it made me laugh A LOT! and it seemed perfect timing seeing as Deion is going into hospital tomorrow. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Do you ever worry about the NHS at all ?

You should -These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. .
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

The moral of this story....Stay away from hospitals !

Deion has to go into hospital tomorrow for some tests on his central nervous system. The doctors are still trying to find out why Deion is losing muscle strength, so we are off for another set of tests, maybe we’ll get some answers this time. He should only be in for a day or so.

I’m packing his bag as we speak, which seems to include rather a lot of video games and a whole rotisserie chicken for him to scoff as soon as he can eat again...he isn’t bothered about anything else!!!

So if I’m not blogging for a couple of days, it’s because I am at the hospital with Deion, or if he’s home, catering to his every need!

Back soon

Sally and Deion xxx

Today, we have our first guest writer on sally’s world, my daughter Robyn.

As you know Trojan (http://trojansgallery.blogspot.com/) and I have been doing video blogs for a while, yesterday we talked about dyslexia with Robyn, who was diagnosed with dyslexia when she was seven years old. She was a natural, and I was very proud of how well she explained the ways in which her dyslexia affects her, and how she overcomes it.

“Hi, I’m Robyn, I’m sally’s daughter, my teachers told me I had dyslexia six years ago, I work really hard and read a lot to help me cope and keep up with my school work. Last night Mummy and Uncle Trojan asked me lots of questions about how I feel and how I cope, and if anyone has been horrible about my dyslexia. We videoed it so you can see us talking about it. I hope it will help other people who are finding it hard to cope. Mum says if you have any questions you can e-mail me to ask me on sally@heavensspecialchild.co.uk there are some really good websites too the British Dyslexia Society has lots of information it is on http://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/ and Dyslexia Learning Success is on http://causesofdyslexia.com/ this is an excellent site and gives you lots of ideas. Please watch our video and tell us what you think. I liked doing it, I was a bit shy at first, but was okay when I got talking, and I want to help other people. Bye, love Robyn xxxxxx.”


So take a look and see for yourself, I think we have a star in the making.

It gets worse; it wasn’t bad enough that a fifteen year old girl has had a baby, and shockingly named a thirteen year old as the father. Horrifying to say the least.

But that wasn’t the half of it it seems, two more boys have now come forward claiming that they could be the father of this baby. Now DNA tests are being demanded all round.

Oh, that’s still not the worst of it….believe it or not…there are reports saying that this fifteen year old girls’s parents would actually allow her boyfriends’ to sleep over in her bedroom.

What chance did these kids have? With no-one to teach them morals, values, about the sanctity of their bodies, how was this ever going to turn out well.

Apparently this child has also been taking the contraceptive pill since she was thirteen…what parent would sanctify this?

Allowing this is no less than child abuse in my eyes, to actually encourage a child to have sex at such a young age is disgusting.

And now they are all being rewarded with publicity and attention, what happens when the media circus gets bored and moves on to the next story, is anyone going to be interested then? Is this baby and the parents (also babies) going to be flagged up to social services?

To read the origional story click on

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7889033.stm

Its very sad!

Here are the top ten funniest excuses that parents send their kids to school with, perhaps a few of these parents should be back in school themselves!

1. Please excuse Lola for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

2. Jimmy has been absent yesterday because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

3. My daughter is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute her.

4. Please excuse Jenny. She has been sick and under the doctor.

5. Sandra won't be in school a week from today. We have to attend her funeral.

6. Please excuse Holly from Jim today. She is administrating.

7. Kevin was absent from school yesterday because he was playing football. He was damaged in the growing part.

8. Amy could not come to school today because she was bothered by very close veins.

9. Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father's fault.

10. Please excuse Jesse from school. He had very loose vowels

I love my husband Dave to bits, he works hard, doing a job that would quite frankly drive me to suicide…but no-one could ever accuse him of being exactly helpful around the house. He had a day off work yesterday, so he decided he was going to have a nice quiet day indoors relaxing with me….

Really??? Is that what he thinks I do???

So after I got the kids up and ready for school, sorted Deion out, did the school run, flew round the supermarket, got back, put the shopping away, put the first lot of washing on, answered some e-mails, did my tax returns…I put the kettle on, and almost, almost got my backside in the chair, the phone rang…it was Deion’s physio to arrange an appointment, so I got the calendar, sorted that out, then it was lunch time, so I made lunch, I almost got to eat it, but there was a knock on the door, a package…Deion’s pads….the wrong size, so I got on the phone and sorted that out, then I put the kettle on to reboil because it had gone cold….I ate my cold lunch standing up while I washed up, I hoovered, I made the tea, went to sit down, but nope…too late, time to get the kids from school, so off I went. Deion had a doctors appointment, so I went there, saw the doctor drove to the chemist, filled the prescription and came home, then as my children stampeded through the house, I picked up various coats, shoes and backpacks, cleaned up the mud that Deion’s wheelchair bought in, got the dinner on and put the kettle back on.

“Blimey,” said Dave, “you wear me out just watching you.”

And, what’s funny is that was the quiet bit of the day.

Its only after he said it, that I thought, maybe it should have occurred to Dave to do some of the chores too, I still had to help the kids with their homework, make dinner, do Deion’s exercises, clear up, bath Deion and get them all to bed…

Of course, Dave is normally coming in from work once the kids are all bathed and in their pyjamas ready for bed, the house is tidied, the dinners done. I know he knows its busy, he’s not silly, but it makes me laugh a little, maybe he thinks the elves come in while I relax on the sofa with a box of chocolates and a cup of tea and it all gets magically done.

So then the kids are in bed, he had a soak in the bath, he came downstairs in a relaxed state and asked me if I felt like watching a film, or if I remembered to pick up his dry cleaning, and I valiantly resisted the urge to scream “for crying out loud, I haven’t had time to use the bathroom, I want to sleep, not watch a film, I want to slip into a coma and stay there until I have to be up in six hours time and do it all over again.”

Goldilocks and The Three Bears was one fo my favourite fairy tales as a child.

Here is what I believe to be a far more accurate account of the events of that
fateful morning...

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.''
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only
going to say this once....
'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!'

It would certainly be more like this in my house!!!

All over the news today has been the story about this little boy who has fathered a child. He was just twelve years old when he got his fourteen year old girlfriend pregnant.

Several questions spring to mind, least of all… how! and when and where were theses two small children when it happened?

Of course now it has happened, the question of how on earth they are possibly going to cope with a baby.

In an interview the child (twelve year old boy/father) was asked how he would cope financially…”What’s financially mean?” he asked.

This is truly an example of a broken down society, and a scary future for this baby, I am worried about this on so many levels. And all they are being shown is kindness and publicity and attention, its hardly going to teach them what they are doing is wrong.

Obviously the grandparents are going to be raising this baby, so I guess we can all breathe a huge sigh of relief, because they did such a great job with their own children!

To read the story click on http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7889033.stm

I'm sure you'll be as horrified as I am!

Here are some incredible pictures, they blew me away.

Julian Beever has made pavement drawings for over ten years. He has worked all over the world.

His pavement drawings include both renderings of old masters plus a wealth of original inventive pieces of work.

What incredible talent!