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Monday, 5 July 2010

Okay, so its now 2 days until Deion goes into hospital for his operation for his gastro tube and his muscle biopsy...he is unfazed, I am a nervous wreck.

The few weeks with the NG tube haven't been as bad as I thought, and like everything else that comes along, its just slotted into Deions life, all of our lives.

I got myself in a bit of a state, so ended up with everything from migraines to ear infections in the fallout.

I know its a basic procedure, I know they do thousands a year...yep, heard it all, "he'll be fine, don't worry"... I get it, I would be saying the same thing to anyone else, problem is, I do worry, its in our make-up as parents, it's mandatory. I hate it, I hate that moment when they put the mask over his face and put him to sleep and tell me I have to leave him with them. His Little eyes looking lost and bewildered as he goes under....I actually have nightmares about it.

Okay, I know Dee is as tough as nails really, he will be fine and they will make sure he's pretty much pain free, and as soon as they call the ward and tell me I can go down to recovery, I'll be fine...the three hours of pacing, biting my nails, pulling my hair out and snapping at anyone in a ten foot radius will be forgotten ...and the second I get to him and see the recognition in his eyes and his arms reaching out for me...I'll relax.

Until then, I will be the bitch from hell, I have turned into a dictator indoors, the clothes are ironed, the meals prepared and frozen, the house spring cleaned,Lists are made... because of course, I refuse to admit that the three adults left in the house would be able to cope and would not actually starve and be forced to wear wrinkled unkempt clothes, without my superior organisational skills...but hey, its how I cope!

I guess it's to do with the fact that ultimately, I have made the decision, and I know I have made it for the right reasons, but if anything goes wrong, if he's in pain, if he hates the tube...guess who I'll blame?

The biopsy results are gonna be hard to wait for, We more than anyone know how life altering those moments the results are read out can be. I'll try not to panic, or dwell or preempt, I can promise to put it out of my mind and not worry until there is something to worry about, but my pants would just burst into flames as it would be a big fat lie...

But one thing at a time.

We will be in for a week then at home for a week, and Deion is strangely looking forward to it and knows he is going to be able to run me ragged, that I will be unable to say no to him for anything...if I so much as hesitate, he will bat those big brown eyes at me and even though I know i'll have been played for a fool...I'll do what he wants anyway!

So wish us luck, I will let you know how he gets on xxxx

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8 comments: to “ countdown

  • J.J.
    5 July 2010 at 21:18  

    Here's wishing you ALL the luck in the world! But I'm sure he'll (and you'll) be fine.

    My mom is a worrier too. I had an operation that was supposed to last 5 hours, but it lasted 8 1/2. Later, I asked, "Why didn't you go home?" She replied, "Because you were here." (in the hospital). Moms do things like that. : )

  • Missy
    5 July 2010 at 23:38  

    Isn't sad that we cannot trust anyone but ourselves to "run the world." You have every right to be a bitch from hell. He will be fine and so will you. Breathe! I will be praying for you both! Love it when you post! :)

  • debi9kids
    6 July 2010 at 07:13  

    I'll be keeping your sweet son in my prayers and also praying you find the strength from deep down in your toes to get through this.
    Hang in there mama!

  • Trojan Gayle
    6 July 2010 at 08:57  

    My thoughts will be with both of you tomorrow.

    Just remember Deion is a strong boy and will be fine. Its good to get read an update on your blog.

    We must catch up soon.

    Much love

    Trojan

  • Dragon
    6 July 2010 at 17:01  

    I completely understand the worrying. But like you hear, I am sure things will go fine. Good luck and hope all goes well for him!

  • Cozyflier
    10 July 2010 at 18:41  

    Sally, ministering spirits are being sent to you. Keep faith, Deion will do well.

    Let some others in the family do something and take care of YOU.

    Hugs,
    Carrie

  • Tracey Axnick
    10 July 2010 at 22:50  

    Hi Sally.... I hope all is well... I will be praying for you and Deion.

  • budh.aaah
    26 August 2010 at 08:56  

    You are such an amazing woman Sal..God bless you and Deion always..

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